Tootfinder

After the whole Adam Something "dating advice for leftist men" thing, I realized I should probably write something about that. I didn't, but I realized I should. Here I am sort of getting around to it.
I had a friend call me an "elder" at one point. I was like 35 at that time, but like... a lot of old leftists are just dead or in prison, so we take what we can get I guess. Being also an elder in the sense that I'm an elder millennial, who is also a parent and married for almost 10 years and all that, I guess I'm technically qualified.
So here it is, dating advice for (straight cis) leftist men:
1. Don't.
That's it, actually. That's the whole thing. Let me explain a bit.
First of all, this is dating advice for neuroatypical folks. We're way overrepresented in both extremes because this system wasn't built for us. And that's who is *the most* confused by all the relationship stuff, and most likely to try to apply all this masculinity/manosphere bullshit. I'm also talking a bit from experience here, as a neruo-spicy trying to "figure out" how to date within a paradigm entirely built around neurotypicals and their relationships. It's garbage. Throw it out. There's nothing worth saving.
His video had some line comparing not having sex to your house being on fire. I'm not gonna bother to quote it because I'm busy with actual life. But like, that's exactly what I'm talking about. I recognize that and it's horribly destructive. Men who buy in to patriarchy actually believe this, because those men value themselves based on (hetro) sex. Yeah, if you think you're worthless because you aren't "getting laid" then yeah, you're gonna feel like that's an emergency.
"Dating" as a paradigm turns humans into roles. It dehumanizes us all, and thus makes human connection much harder. It is a game that, like thermonuclear war, can only be won by not playing.
When you abandon "dating" and just act like a human, everything starts to be easier. There's no such thing as being "friend zoned" because you're just friends. Sometimes friendships become other things, sometimes they don't. It doesn't actually matter, because if you're actually there for friendship then you don't *need* anything else.
My grandma, at 98 I think, gave me some advice. My grandparents always got along well, and were married for enough decades that I listened really closely. She told me I should just do things I loved to do and everything else would work itself out.
And it kind of did.
I understand the fear, the idea that you'll die alone. I get that. I get the loneliness. It all hits a lot harder when you have ADHD emotions and past trauma. I get that. But that fear is self-manifesting. When you build your confidence, when you don't *need* to be "in a relationship," you have more room to actually build relationships. For me, dating was dehumanizing. When I abandoned that, I was able to actually be a good partner, and I was able to find my partner.
I would advise against marriage as well, but we did get married for legal reasons. It can still be hard to maintain that, to see each other as people rather than roles. That becomes extra hard as parents. But the times that we cut through that are the times we're closest. Those are the times when it becomes easier to remember that we're both humans and all human relationships need tending.
Roles don't need to be tended because they are classifications. Classifications are static. But relationships between humans are not. Humans are messy and chaotic. Humans have all kinds of complex needs and desires.
So yeah, don't date. Just be a human and see what happens. Maybe google "relationship anarchy" and see where it takes you.
If you have ADHD, it can be especially useful to understand that relationships with neurotypical folks can be especially difficult. Assume you're incompatible with 90% of the population as your baseline, and you'll start to understand why the standard "dating" thing has made you feel so alienated and miserable.
Neurotypical folks generally have no idea that atypicality exists, much less how it impacts relationships. Having to conform to a neurotypical relationship just adds additional mental strain unless you find someone (really special) who can do at least some of the work.
The ADHD thing was especially important for me. There were so many things I was told to do in specific ways by neurotypicals that never worked for me. Their advice always made me feel like a failure. When I was finally diagnosed, I realized they were just giving advice for the wrong type of brain. It was advice I could never use. Basically all dating advice I ever got fell into this same category.
That's my braindump. Maybe I'll develop it more in the future, but I'm busy so maybe not. I hope it helps someone who is struggling like I was.

Hoy domingo fui a dar una vuelta a la Furia del Libro en el GAM a comprar regalos navideños y me traje estos para mí 🤘🏻
#FuriaDelLibro

Höre gerade den Podcast: "Amerika, wir müssen reden", wo es um das erste Jahr Trump 2.0 geht.
Die Anhänger von Trump behaupten offenbar, endlich seien die USA nicht mehr das Gespött der Leute.
Haben die USA eigentlich eine Ahnung, wie lächerlich, abgefahren und clownesk, wie grauenhaft und närrisch Trump als Präsident bei uns wahrgenommen wird?
Wir haben die USA immer ernst genommen... bis Donald Trump.
🤦‍♀️

Amerika, wir müssen reden!
Ingo Zamperoni und Jiffer Bourguignon sprechen über die US-Politik und darüber, was Präsident Donald Trump alles verändert.

Etwas mehr der heute besonders häufig geteilten #News:
Wo ist die gesellschaftliche Relevanz? Threads auf Mobilgeräten deutlich vor X

Man this is such a good thread over at Twitter:
https://x.com/moorehn/status/2014050043527876847?s=46

Heidi N. Moore (@moorehn) on X
I get it, but man -- we're mostly just exhausted. It's been 10 years of this. None of our institutions are helping us. Everyone's been in various forms of going broke since 2022 because of inflation and high interest rates. Trump's approval ratings are low and nobody wants him

»Wie gut sind ChatGPT, Gemini & Co. wirklich?
"Kassensturz" zeigt in einer Spezial-Ausgabe, was KI heute schon alles kann. Im Test: der grosse Chatbot-Vergleich – mit überraschenden Resultaten.«
Endlich mal eine TV-Doku die auch aufzeigt wie KI ua durch "Billigarbeit" aufgebaut ist. Das die KI nichts selber für dauerhaft beibringt sollte eigentlich nun endlich populär klar sein.
📺 [CH-DE]

Wie gut sind ChatGPT, Gemini & Co. wirklich? - Kassensturz - Play SRF
«Kassensturz» zeigt in einer Spezial-Ausgabe, was KI heute schon alles kann. Im Test: der grosse Chatbot-Vergleich – mit überraschenden Resultaten. Künstliche Intelligenz – Allgegenwärtig, nützlich, aber auch beängstigend KI ist längst mehr als nur ein Sprach-Assistent. Sie scannt Röntgenbilder, erkennt Gesichter, sortiert Müll und hilft bei Texten. Doch trotz des Nutzens wächst die Sorge vor Arbeitsplatzverlusten. Segen oder Fluch? Die Debatte um die Super-Power KI im «Kassenst…

It’s possible that the recent court order about how they can’t target observers is functioning as sand in their gears — which right now I think is all the courts and the law can be, sand in the gears. They’ve been leaning really hard on harassing, intimidating, attacking, tear-gassing, and detaining observers; they need that to function in the city.
Noem responded to that court order with a snotty “well we’re not doing anything wrong so this doesn’t change anything” kind of statement, but it’s possible agents have been told not to push it until they can get another court to overturn the order. That would fit with them focusing on the suburbs: observers are less organized there, and homes are more spread out.
2/

Is it a good idea to put your head MRI as a profile photo? 🤔 Of course choosing the scariest looking image of all.
(This post is a really low joke, you don't have to worry about it.)

So in another dream I just woke up from, I was talking to someone about "the idea problem" (that it's becoming harder to monitize ideas, from a vox article written by an AI cooked reporter).
https://www.iheart.com/podcast/105-it-could-happen-here-30717896/episode/executive-disorder-white-house-weekly-46-313675864/
Basically, I was arguing that the majority of inventions target men because patriarchy puts economic control in men's hands. As men have started to help more with childcare, there have been more inventions related to childcare. (I don't have any idea if this is true. Seems legit, but I'm just relating my dream. I think I was also oversimplifying a bit to "men" and "women" because of my audience, but anyway it was a dream.) There's actually more low-hanging fruit, I pointed out, related to making care work easier.
So I argued that the real problem was a failure to invest in research into solving that problem. Today there are all these boondoggles built around killing people. What if, instead of all this government research into killing people, we dumped a ton of money into making it easier to support a household? That would be great for the economy. (Being asleep, I seem to have forgotten that working people need money.)
In the blur of being just awake I started thinking about how you could kickstart the US economy by taking the money from the AI boondoggle and other autonomous murder bots and create something like a program to build robots for housekeepers. You'd still be funding tech with government money, so the same horrible people get paid, but you're now actually solving real problems. It wouldn't even matter if it was a boondoggle, honestly. Just dumping money into something other than murdering people is good enough.
I imagined first if there was a program to fund a robot housecleaner, like robot dog with AI some laundry pickup, that would be provided, free of charge, to help people with children. It would work the same as the military boondoggle where a private company makes the government buy a piece of hardware from them and then also pay them to service it for some number of years. But instead of that hardware sitting around waiting to kill someone, it would be getting brought to people's houses to help them.
Then I thought, hey, you could even boost the economy more if you just had government funding for doulas and housecleaners and paid them a living wage. Hey, you could really kickstart the economy by nationalizing healthcare and including doula support as part of all births. Oh, and you could also just include the optional household help for families with children until the kids turn 18.
None of this is perfect (I don't actually think most of this is possible from any state), but the point is that it's actually wildly easy to figure out all kinds of ways to invest in the economy and monitize ideas as long as you aren't entirely focused on the same old "make money from spying on people and killing them." Funny that. Like they said in the podcast, maybe "finding ideas" isn't the problem.
Hope you enjoyed the weird semi-awake brain dump/rant.

Un single de rock chileno. Lo nuevo de Slowkiss, «Get Away»
#Slowkiss #Singles