@hex@kolektiva.social2026-02-21 21:10:33
After the whole Adam Something "dating advice for leftist men" thing, I realized I should probably write something about that. I didn't, but I realized I should. Here I am sort of getting around to it.
I had a friend call me an "elder" at one point. I was like 35 at that time, but like... a lot of old leftists are just dead or in prison, so we take what we can get I guess. Being also an elder in the sense that I'm an elder millennial, who is also a parent and married for almost 10 years and all that, I guess I'm technically qualified.
So here it is, dating advice for (straight cis) leftist men:
1. Don't.
That's it, actually. That's the whole thing. Let me explain a bit.
First of all, this is dating advice for neuroatypical folks. We're way overrepresented in both extremes because this system wasn't built for us. And that's who is *the most* confused by all the relationship stuff, and most likely to try to apply all this masculinity/manosphere bullshit. I'm also talking a bit from experience here, as a neruo-spicy trying to "figure out" how to date within a paradigm entirely built around neurotypicals and their relationships. It's garbage. Throw it out. There's nothing worth saving.
His video had some line comparing not having sex to your house being on fire. I'm not gonna bother to quote it because I'm busy with actual life. But like, that's exactly what I'm talking about. I recognize that and it's horribly destructive. Men who buy in to patriarchy actually believe this, because those men value themselves based on (hetro) sex. Yeah, if you think you're worthless because you aren't "getting laid" then yeah, you're gonna feel like that's an emergency.
"Dating" as a paradigm turns humans into roles. It dehumanizes us all, and thus makes human connection much harder. It is a game that, like thermonuclear war, can only be won by not playing.
When you abandon "dating" and just act like a human, everything starts to be easier. There's no such thing as being "friend zoned" because you're just friends. Sometimes friendships become other things, sometimes they don't. It doesn't actually matter, because if you're actually there for friendship then you don't *need* anything else.
My grandma, at 98 I think, gave me some advice. My grandparents always got along well, and were married for enough decades that I listened really closely. She told me I should just do things I loved to do and everything else would work itself out.
And it kind of did.
I understand the fear, the idea that you'll die alone. I get that. I get the loneliness. It all hits a lot harder when you have ADHD emotions and past trauma. I get that. But that fear is self-manifesting. When you build your confidence, when you don't *need* to be "in a relationship," you have more room to actually build relationships. For me, dating was dehumanizing. When I abandoned that, I was able to actually be a good partner, and I was able to find my partner.
I would advise against marriage as well, but we did get married for legal reasons. It can still be hard to maintain that, to see each other as people rather than roles. That becomes extra hard as parents. But the times that we cut through that are the times we're closest. Those are the times when it becomes easier to remember that we're both humans and all human relationships need tending.
Roles don't need to be tended because they are classifications. Classifications are static. But relationships between humans are not. Humans are messy and chaotic. Humans have all kinds of complex needs and desires.
So yeah, don't date. Just be a human and see what happens. Maybe google "relationship anarchy" and see where it takes you.
If you have ADHD, it can be especially useful to understand that relationships with neurotypical folks can be especially difficult. Assume you're incompatible with 90% of the population as your baseline, and you'll start to understand why the standard "dating" thing has made you feel so alienated and miserable.
Neurotypical folks generally have no idea that atypicality exists, much less how it impacts relationships. Having to conform to a neurotypical relationship just adds additional mental strain unless you find someone (really special) who can do at least some of the work.
The ADHD thing was especially important for me. There were so many things I was told to do in specific ways by neurotypicals that never worked for me. Their advice always made me feel like a failure. When I was finally diagnosed, I realized they were just giving advice for the wrong type of brain. It was advice I could never use. Basically all dating advice I ever got fell into this same category.
That's my braindump. Maybe I'll develop it more in the future, but I'm busy so maybe not. I hope it helps someone who is struggling like I was.
@Defiance@sfba.social2026-02-22 21:35:22
ISTA - "Gods In Heat" (2026)
New one from this Brooklyn-based, 7-piece psychedelic post-punk disco collective. I really enjoy their LP from 2023, but they keep dropping new singles on BC and they seem to improve with each release.
#music #alternative
@catsalad@infosec.exchange2026-02-21 19:02:44
Weeeee!
@markhburton@mstdn.social2026-04-22 08:13:41
“When he sought to realise his ambition to become leader of the Labour Party, with very little base within the party, he became dependent on McSweeney, Mandelson and Labour Together to organise and fund his election.
“When he became Prime Minister, the reward for McSweeney was control of No 10, and the reward for Mandelson was the highest diplomatic office. The unspoken message to civil servants was, ‘What Mandelson wants, Mandelson gets.’
@lornajane@indieweb.social2026-02-22 20:04:04
I've been in my career long enough that there are some things that I used to be exceptional at that I literally have no idea about now. It will never not be hilarious to me how long it takes me to debug any LAMP stack problem now - but I once taught some of the people who lead and maintain these things today.
(Cloudflare rules were obscuring a problem that Wordpress hid the error message of and tl;dr Apache uses an older version of PHP which was missing the XML extension. Got there eventually!)
@vform@openbiblio.social2026-03-21 15:44:32
Die Sound Assistant App von Samsung find ich sehr nett. Naturgemäß geht mit Hörgeräten alles Audio direkt darauf. Aber manchmal will man ja nen Video, Musik oder auch die Sprachausgabe der Translator-App mit anderen teilen. Funzt einwandfrei.
Ne andere Sache ist natürlich, warum Android das 2026 nicht von Haus aus beherrscht.
Und: für den Input müsste das auch gehen (Translator), sonst müssen mir alle ins Ohr flüstern :D
@Techmeme@techhub.social2026-04-20 21:20:49
OpenAI rolls out Chronicle, which builds memories from screen captures to make Codex more aware of context, as a research preview for Pro subscribers on macOS (Zac Hall/9to5Mac)
https://9to5mac.com/2026/04/20/codex-for-mac-gains…
@bobmueller@mastodon.world2026-03-22 03:07:09
Wrongful Conviction, Qualified Immunity, and the Cost of Being Forgotten
A mistaken identity, an AI-driven arrest, and the long shadow of wrongful conviction—this post explores how easily lives can be upended and how little accountability follows. Even after release, the damage lingers in ways money alone can’t repair.
@Sustainable2050@mastodon.energy2026-02-20 06:53:36
The part of the Epstein files we've seen makes it possible to reconstruct Trump's probable orders to his servants at DOJ.
"Just release a few million. Make sure they don't contain anything new about me, but that they cause trouble for a lot of other people. Media will focus on the latter."
@Dragofix@veganism.social2026-03-13 01:36:21
New Mexico Oil Group Makes Third Bid to Discharge Toxic Fracking Wastewater into Rivers, Crops https://biologicaldiversity.org/w/news/press-releases/new-mexico-oil-group-makes-third-bid-…
