Tootfinder

After the whole Adam Something "dating advice for leftist men" thing, I realized I should probably write something about that. I didn't, but I realized I should. Here I am sort of getting around to it.
I had a friend call me an "elder" at one point. I was like 35 at that time, but like... a lot of old leftists are just dead or in prison, so we take what we can get I guess. Being also an elder in the sense that I'm an elder millennial, who is also a parent and married for almost 10 years and all that, I guess I'm technically qualified.
So here it is, dating advice for (straight cis) leftist men:
1. Don't.
That's it, actually. That's the whole thing. Let me explain a bit.
First of all, this is dating advice for neuroatypical folks. We're way overrepresented in both extremes because this system wasn't built for us. And that's who is *the most* confused by all the relationship stuff, and most likely to try to apply all this masculinity/manosphere bullshit. I'm also talking a bit from experience here, as a neruo-spicy trying to "figure out" how to date within a paradigm entirely built around neurotypicals and their relationships. It's garbage. Throw it out. There's nothing worth saving.
His video had some line comparing not having sex to your house being on fire. I'm not gonna bother to quote it because I'm busy with actual life. But like, that's exactly what I'm talking about. I recognize that and it's horribly destructive. Men who buy in to patriarchy actually believe this, because those men value themselves based on (hetro) sex. Yeah, if you think you're worthless because you aren't "getting laid" then yeah, you're gonna feel like that's an emergency.
"Dating" as a paradigm turns humans into roles. It dehumanizes us all, and thus makes human connection much harder. It is a game that, like thermonuclear war, can only be won by not playing.
When you abandon "dating" and just act like a human, everything starts to be easier. There's no such thing as being "friend zoned" because you're just friends. Sometimes friendships become other things, sometimes they don't. It doesn't actually matter, because if you're actually there for friendship then you don't *need* anything else.
My grandma, at 98 I think, gave me some advice. My grandparents always got along well, and were married for enough decades that I listened really closely. She told me I should just do things I loved to do and everything else would work itself out.
And it kind of did.
I understand the fear, the idea that you'll die alone. I get that. I get the loneliness. It all hits a lot harder when you have ADHD emotions and past trauma. I get that. But that fear is self-manifesting. When you build your confidence, when you don't *need* to be "in a relationship," you have more room to actually build relationships. For me, dating was dehumanizing. When I abandoned that, I was able to actually be a good partner, and I was able to find my partner.
I would advise against marriage as well, but we did get married for legal reasons. It can still be hard to maintain that, to see each other as people rather than roles. That becomes extra hard as parents. But the times that we cut through that are the times we're closest. Those are the times when it becomes easier to remember that we're both humans and all human relationships need tending.
Roles don't need to be tended because they are classifications. Classifications are static. But relationships between humans are not. Humans are messy and chaotic. Humans have all kinds of complex needs and desires.
So yeah, don't date. Just be a human and see what happens. Maybe google "relationship anarchy" and see where it takes you.
If you have ADHD, it can be especially useful to understand that relationships with neurotypical folks can be especially difficult. Assume you're incompatible with 90% of the population as your baseline, and you'll start to understand why the standard "dating" thing has made you feel so alienated and miserable.
Neurotypical folks generally have no idea that atypicality exists, much less how it impacts relationships. Having to conform to a neurotypical relationship just adds additional mental strain unless you find someone (really special) who can do at least some of the work.
The ADHD thing was especially important for me. There were so many things I was told to do in specific ways by neurotypicals that never worked for me. Their advice always made me feel like a failure. When I was finally diagnosed, I realized they were just giving advice for the wrong type of brain. It was advice I could never use. Basically all dating advice I ever got fell into this same category.
That's my braindump. Maybe I'll develop it more in the future, but I'm busy so maybe not. I hope it helps someone who is struggling like I was.

The Justice Department has identified 384 foreign-born Americans whose citizenship it wants to revoke,
as part of a push to increase the pace of #denaturalizations by assigning the cases to prosecutors in dozens of U.S. attorney’s offices across the country.
Senior Justice Department officials in Washington told colleagues during a meeting last week that civil litigators in 39 regiona…

Trump Administration Aims to Strip Citizenship From Hundreds of Naturalized Americans
The Trump administration is assigning denaturalization cases to regular prosecutors, which could lead to a surge of people stripped of U.S. citizenship.

Tomorrow in my History of Here course - one of my department's intro classes - we'll be discussing letters written in response to early-20th-c speeding tickets. My favorite claims it's unfair since he'd sped with so many cars before and never gotten a ticket ("as this is the fifteenth car that he has been the owner of, and has never been fined for speeding, he feels that he is being imposed upon by the commission").

Excess and evidence: Excuses for speeding in the early days of the car
As the summer wanes many car owners think about enjoying one last road trip and police officers think about managing chaotic long weekends on the highways. As long as cars have been on the road, sp…

Trump’s friends controlling TikTok is maybe bad news for the US and US democracy? 🤔
#tiktok

The deal to secure TikTok’s future in the US has finally closed
The joint venture acquiring TikTok’s US assets has been formally established and has announced its leadership team, according to the company, one day before the deadline set by President Donald Trump for the app’s US assets to be spun off by Chinese parent company ByteDance.

Dieses Hühnersuppenrezept wäre mir denn doch etwas zu aufwändig, aber womöglich möchte sich ja jemand von Euch die Zeit nehmen. Mir reichen eineinhalb Stunden leichtes Blubbern. #nommention

Chicken Soup From Scratch Recipe (Gift Recipe)
Chicken soup is one of the most painless and pleasing recipes a home cook can master. This soup has all the classic flavors (celery, carrot, parsley) but has been updated for today's cooks, who can't easily buy the stewing hen and packet of soup vegetables that old-fashioned recipes used to call for. A whole bird provides the right combination of fat, salt and flavor. Don't be tempted to use all white meat, as the flavor won't be as round. Because making soup involves the bones and deep tissues…

The more I zoom into ORMs, the more I’m convinced you need to be a lot smarter to operate them correctly and deterministically than you need to be to write some SQL and map rows on structs/classes.
Case in point, I wrote myself a package to make transaction management explicit and when adding SQLAlchemy ORM support: holy autobegin, Batman!
Add `autobegin=False` to your sessionmaker/Session and watch your app burn.

So Secretary of Transportation Duffy has gotten another 2 people killed playing bumper plane.
Duffy and potus really like getting people killed.
https://apnews.com/article/new-york-laguardia-airport-air-canada-collision-6a3c…

New York's LaGuardia Airport closes after crash on runway
Two people were killed and several others injured when an Air Canada regional jet struck a fire truck on the runway while landing at New York’s LaGuardia Airport. The collision late Sunday killed the pilot and copilot, who were both based out of Canada. Authorities say around 40 passengers and crew members aboard the flight were hospitalized, some with serious injuries. Two Port Authority employees who were traveling in the fire truck also were injured. The flight originated at Montréal-Pier…

I don't want to believe this movie is 40 years old, because that would mean I'm old, and I'm not old.
But it was a great movie. Never saw the sequel or the remake, and I don't feel like I'm missing much.
https://www.inverse.com/entertainment/the-

40 Years Ago, A Cult Classic Thriller Introduced One Of The Most Underrated Horror Villains Of All Time
Rutger Hauer's murderous hitchhiker in 'The Hitcher' set the blueprint for many of modern day's most iconic slasher villains.

DOD says it'll move the press to an annex facility outside its main building, among other changes, after a judge found its current media policy unconstitutional (Erik Wemple/New York Times)
https://www.

Pentagon Adopts New Limits for Journalists After Court Loss
The Defense Department said it would close the Pentagon’s work area for journalists, among other changes, after a judge found the existing media policy unconstitutional.

The road to preserving liberal democracy does not involve unilateral disarmament or faking normality in the hopes of making the world normal again.
It involves meeting force with force while crafting a national remedy for nonpartisan redistricting,
which would force everyone to behave according to standards of good government.
It’s classical deterrence theory.
As some Roman general once said,
“If you seek peace, prepare for war.”
This should be the mode…

It Is Time for Ruthless Aggression
The national battle over gerrymandering should be just the first step. Next up: expanding SCOTUS.