Tootfinder

Some of you ... may have decided that, this year, you're going to celebrate
it the old-fashioned way, with your family sitting around stringing
cranberries and exchanging humble, handmade gifts, like on "The Waltons".
Well, you can forget it. If everybody pulled that kind of subversive stunt,
the economy would collapse overnight. The government would have to
intervene: it would form a cabinet-level Department of Holiday Gift-Giving,
which would s…