Tootfinder

After the whole Adam Something "dating advice for leftist men" thing, I realized I should probably write something about that. I didn't, but I realized I should. Here I am sort of getting around to it.
I had a friend call me an "elder" at one point. I was like 35 at that time, but like... a lot of old leftists are just dead or in prison, so we take what we can get I guess. Being also an elder in the sense that I'm an elder millennial, who is also a parent and married for almost 10 years and all that, I guess I'm technically qualified.
So here it is, dating advice for (straight cis) leftist men:
1. Don't.
That's it, actually. That's the whole thing. Let me explain a bit.
First of all, this is dating advice for neuroatypical folks. We're way overrepresented in both extremes because this system wasn't built for us. And that's who is *the most* confused by all the relationship stuff, and most likely to try to apply all this masculinity/manosphere bullshit. I'm also talking a bit from experience here, as a neruo-spicy trying to "figure out" how to date within a paradigm entirely built around neurotypicals and their relationships. It's garbage. Throw it out. There's nothing worth saving.
His video had some line comparing not having sex to your house being on fire. I'm not gonna bother to quote it because I'm busy with actual life. But like, that's exactly what I'm talking about. I recognize that and it's horribly destructive. Men who buy in to patriarchy actually believe this, because those men value themselves based on (hetro) sex. Yeah, if you think you're worthless because you aren't "getting laid" then yeah, you're gonna feel like that's an emergency.
"Dating" as a paradigm turns humans into roles. It dehumanizes us all, and thus makes human connection much harder. It is a game that, like thermonuclear war, can only be won by not playing.
When you abandon "dating" and just act like a human, everything starts to be easier. There's no such thing as being "friend zoned" because you're just friends. Sometimes friendships become other things, sometimes they don't. It doesn't actually matter, because if you're actually there for friendship then you don't *need* anything else.
My grandma, at 98 I think, gave me some advice. My grandparents always got along well, and were married for enough decades that I listened really closely. She told me I should just do things I loved to do and everything else would work itself out.
And it kind of did.
I understand the fear, the idea that you'll die alone. I get that. I get the loneliness. It all hits a lot harder when you have ADHD emotions and past trauma. I get that. But that fear is self-manifesting. When you build your confidence, when you don't *need* to be "in a relationship," you have more room to actually build relationships. For me, dating was dehumanizing. When I abandoned that, I was able to actually be a good partner, and I was able to find my partner.
I would advise against marriage as well, but we did get married for legal reasons. It can still be hard to maintain that, to see each other as people rather than roles. That becomes extra hard as parents. But the times that we cut through that are the times we're closest. Those are the times when it becomes easier to remember that we're both humans and all human relationships need tending.
Roles don't need to be tended because they are classifications. Classifications are static. But relationships between humans are not. Humans are messy and chaotic. Humans have all kinds of complex needs and desires.
So yeah, don't date. Just be a human and see what happens. Maybe google "relationship anarchy" and see where it takes you.
If you have ADHD, it can be especially useful to understand that relationships with neurotypical folks can be especially difficult. Assume you're incompatible with 90% of the population as your baseline, and you'll start to understand why the standard "dating" thing has made you feel so alienated and miserable.
Neurotypical folks generally have no idea that atypicality exists, much less how it impacts relationships. Having to conform to a neurotypical relationship just adds additional mental strain unless you find someone (really special) who can do at least some of the work.
The ADHD thing was especially important for me. There were so many things I was told to do in specific ways by neurotypicals that never worked for me. Their advice always made me feel like a failure. When I was finally diagnosed, I realized they were just giving advice for the wrong type of brain. It was advice I could never use. Basically all dating advice I ever got fell into this same category.
That's my braindump. Maybe I'll develop it more in the future, but I'm busy so maybe not. I hope it helps someone who is struggling like I was.

Mental calisthenics: Parker needs Cowboys to abandon old ways in 2026 https://cowboyswire.usatoday.com/story/sports/nfl/cowboys/2026/02/21/dallas-cowboys-mental-calisthenics-christian-parker…

Crepes, bacon and egg, tea and coffee. We won Arkham last night but 3 of the 4 of us died trying. Tonight after work, mahjongg with a friend! #TogetherBreakfast https://photos.app.goo.gl/pFooYuFLBZN4VqdZA

It's so dumb that we use the term #socialmedia to refer to "the place where I see what my friends and family are up to" as well as "the place I go to mindlessly scroll through algorithmically chosen media". https://

My youngest got me the most amazing Christmas present! A session handling some items from the V&A East storehouse. Yes, actual touching allowed! (Gloves provided) So I touched two ancient mandolins, a watercolour by Beatrix Potter, an original sketch for a Star Wars, Empire Strikes Back costume design, and a four-track tape recorder and mixer desk owned by David Bowie. She knows me so well. ❤️❤️❤️ #art <…

Just finished "How I Made It to Eighteen" by Tracy White. It's a graphic novel with relatively simple art, but that ends up suiting the subject matter well: it's an autobiography focused on a stay in a mental hospital dealing with depression and bulimia.
It doesn't get as deep into mental hospital mechanics as I might have liked, instead focusing on the author's life, but in presenting both her own life, some flashbacks, and some perspectives from her friends, it's quite interesting. As is typical of real life, there's no neat resolutions to the various threads of interest because they're not imaginary plot lines constructed to wrap up neatly but instead are events that actually happened.
In any case as is par for autobiographical graphic novels, it was super interesting.
#AmReading #ReadingNow

Good Morning #Canada
Are you still looking for that perfect Christmas gift? Years ago I found myself shopping for my wife's Christmas present on December 23rd. Never again. For those of you still shopping it's inevitable that you're going to be standing in front of the Gift Card rack and mentally convincing yourself that the recipient will love a full gas tank or a Timmies coffee and donut. Canadians will buy close to $12 billion in Gift Cards in 2025, with a lot of that in the next 5 days. Recent changes to legislation have made it illegal to charge processing or activation fees on cards purchased with cash and there is no expiry date. That last point is important because companies are betting that a certain percentage of cards are never redeemed and it's estimated that approximately 40% of all cards are never used. I personally like getting a gift card as it allows me to choose something I want, and I always thank the gifter once I've used it.
#CanadaIsAwesome #GiftCards
YES, I love giving and receiving Gift Cards
NO, I'm not happy when I have to buy or get a Gift Card

Esta sí es la vía y no implementar el pajaporte https://www.eldiario.es/politica/gobierno-pide-fiscalia-investigue-x-meta-tiktok-difusion-pornografia-infantil-ia_1_12996340.html

Pumpkin pancakes (there’s batter left for Thursday) with egg and bacon, tea and coffee. Meeting our mahjongg friend tonight. #TogetherBreakfast https://photos.app.goo.gl/apMkrQJwiHE3Zzf5A

Mailbag: Could Parker use a 3-4 defensive scheme? https://www.dallascowboys.com/news/mailbag-could-parker-use-a-3-4-defensive-scheme