Tootfinder

Just finished Iveliz Explains It All by Andrea Beatriz Arango. Once I picked it up I couldn't put it down till I finished it, in less than a day. A really tender and entrancing novel-in-verse about a kid Puerto Rican kid struggling with some deep stuff. I loved the way that the journal focalization let deep feelings flow while also giving the reader a bit of a puzzle in the beginning to understand what exactly was going on. Deals with friendship, loss, and mental health (including depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and flashbacks).
#AmReading #ReadingNow

Rincewind formed a mental picture of some strange entity living in a castle
made of teeth. It was the kind of mental picture you tried to forget.
Unsuccessfully.
-- Terry Pratchett, "The Light Fantastic"

#MentalHeath #research
This may be of interest to a few people here, and I am told by a friend in the group that they are desperate for more participants!

Out and about today—heading, incidentally, to GM Marzio Muscedere’s “Murder House!” for #DCCRPG for my monthly F2F #TTRPG meetup.
I was on the front line for #OpalCard’s teething problems, and let me tell you, as fin…

After the whole Adam Something "dating advice for leftist men" thing, I realized I should probably write something about that. I didn't, but I realized I should. Here I am sort of getting around to it.
I had a friend call me an "elder" at one point. I was like 35 at that time, but like... a lot of old leftists are just dead or in prison, so we take what we can get I guess. Being also an elder in the sense that I'm an elder millennial, who is also a parent and married for almost 10 years and all that, I guess I'm technically qualified.
So here it is, dating advice for (straight cis) leftist men:
1. Don't.
That's it, actually. That's the whole thing. Let me explain a bit.
First of all, this is dating advice for neuroatypical folks. We're way overrepresented in both extremes because this system wasn't built for us. And that's who is *the most* confused by all the relationship stuff, and most likely to try to apply all this masculinity/manosphere bullshit. I'm also talking a bit from experience here, as a neruo-spicy trying to "figure out" how to date within a paradigm entirely built around neurotypicals and their relationships. It's garbage. Throw it out. There's nothing worth saving.
His video had some line comparing not having sex to your house being on fire. I'm not gonna bother to quote it because I'm busy with actual life. But like, that's exactly what I'm talking about. I recognize that and it's horribly destructive. Men who buy in to patriarchy actually believe this, because those men value themselves based on (hetro) sex. Yeah, if you think you're worthless because you aren't "getting laid" then yeah, you're gonna feel like that's an emergency.
"Dating" as a paradigm turns humans into roles. It dehumanizes us all, and thus makes human connection much harder. It is a game that, like thermonuclear war, can only be won by not playing.
When you abandon "dating" and just act like a human, everything starts to be easier. There's no such thing as being "friend zoned" because you're just friends. Sometimes friendships become other things, sometimes they don't. It doesn't actually matter, because if you're actually there for friendship then you don't *need* anything else.
My grandma, at 98 I think, gave me some advice. My grandparents always got along well, and were married for enough decades that I listened really closely. She told me I should just do things I loved to do and everything else would work itself out.
And it kind of did.
I understand the fear, the idea that you'll die alone. I get that. I get the loneliness. It all hits a lot harder when you have ADHD emotions and past trauma. I get that. But that fear is self-manifesting. When you build your confidence, when you don't *need* to be "in a relationship," you have more room to actually build relationships. For me, dating was dehumanizing. When I abandoned that, I was able to actually be a good partner, and I was able to find my partner.
I would advise against marriage as well, but we did get married for legal reasons. It can still be hard to maintain that, to see each other as people rather than roles. That becomes extra hard as parents. But the times that we cut through that are the times we're closest. Those are the times when it becomes easier to remember that we're both humans and all human relationships need tending.
Roles don't need to be tended because they are classifications. Classifications are static. But relationships between humans are not. Humans are messy and chaotic. Humans have all kinds of complex needs and desires.
So yeah, don't date. Just be a human and see what happens. Maybe google "relationship anarchy" and see where it takes you.
If you have ADHD, it can be especially useful to understand that relationships with neurotypical folks can be especially difficult. Assume you're incompatible with 90% of the population as your baseline, and you'll start to understand why the standard "dating" thing has made you feel so alienated and miserable.
Neurotypical folks generally have no idea that atypicality exists, much less how it impacts relationships. Having to conform to a neurotypical relationship just adds additional mental strain unless you find someone (really special) who can do at least some of the work.
The ADHD thing was especially important for me. There were so many things I was told to do in specific ways by neurotypicals that never worked for me. Their advice always made me feel like a failure. When I was finally diagnosed, I realized they were just giving advice for the wrong type of brain. It was advice I could never use. Basically all dating advice I ever got fell into this same category.
That's my braindump. Maybe I'll develop it more in the future, but I'm busy so maybe not. I hope it helps someone who is struggling like I was.

Wow. Our neighbors really want to learn about Internet privacy.
My local neighborhood group invited me to make a presentation on privacy at their monthly meeting. I was a little hesitant at first. I have done a lot of classes and seminars in corporate conference settings over the years. But these were my friends and neighbors and most of them are not technical in matters of security and privacy. I was not sure I could give a talk that wasn’t totally nerdy and boring. But I could see an…

For many people who’d been inside that bubble of comfort, particularly at national news orgs, the story •started• with those two murders. They now seem to have a half-formed mental narrative that runs something like this:
❝
1. First the Trump administration started deporting a lot more people.
2. Then ICE murdered Good and Pretti.
3. Those two escalations caused widespread unrest in Minneapolis.
❞
That narrative is wrong.
3/

Mental calisthenics: Parker needs Cowboys to abandon old ways in 2026 https://cowboyswire.usatoday.com/story/sports/nfl/cowboys/2026/02/21/dallas-cowboys-mental-calisthenics-christian-parker…

My friend’s band Friday; “The Memory of Water” at Burbage Saturday; shoveling and hot dish for Pats/Broncs with neighbors yesterday. Today, Marie’s Mass cornbread, egg and bacon, tea and coffee, and Arkham Horror tonight! #TogetherBreakfast https://photos.app.goo.gl/uJiaNu5tgDJNWZf66