Tootfinder

After the whole Adam Something "dating advice for leftist men" thing, I realized I should probably write something about that. I didn't, but I realized I should. Here I am sort of getting around to it.
I had a friend call me an "elder" at one point. I was like 35 at that time, but like... a lot of old leftists are just dead or in prison, so we take what we can get I guess. Being also an elder in the sense that I'm an elder millennial, who is also a parent and married for almost 10 years and all that, I guess I'm technically qualified.
So here it is, dating advice for (straight cis) leftist men:
1. Don't.
That's it, actually. That's the whole thing. Let me explain a bit.
First of all, this is dating advice for neuroatypical folks. We're way overrepresented in both extremes because this system wasn't built for us. And that's who is *the most* confused by all the relationship stuff, and most likely to try to apply all this masculinity/manosphere bullshit. I'm also talking a bit from experience here, as a neruo-spicy trying to "figure out" how to date within a paradigm entirely built around neurotypicals and their relationships. It's garbage. Throw it out. There's nothing worth saving.
His video had some line comparing not having sex to your house being on fire. I'm not gonna bother to quote it because I'm busy with actual life. But like, that's exactly what I'm talking about. I recognize that and it's horribly destructive. Men who buy in to patriarchy actually believe this, because those men value themselves based on (hetro) sex. Yeah, if you think you're worthless because you aren't "getting laid" then yeah, you're gonna feel like that's an emergency.
"Dating" as a paradigm turns humans into roles. It dehumanizes us all, and thus makes human connection much harder. It is a game that, like thermonuclear war, can only be won by not playing.
When you abandon "dating" and just act like a human, everything starts to be easier. There's no such thing as being "friend zoned" because you're just friends. Sometimes friendships become other things, sometimes they don't. It doesn't actually matter, because if you're actually there for friendship then you don't *need* anything else.
My grandma, at 98 I think, gave me some advice. My grandparents always got along well, and were married for enough decades that I listened really closely. She told me I should just do things I loved to do and everything else would work itself out.
And it kind of did.
I understand the fear, the idea that you'll die alone. I get that. I get the loneliness. It all hits a lot harder when you have ADHD emotions and past trauma. I get that. But that fear is self-manifesting. When you build your confidence, when you don't *need* to be "in a relationship," you have more room to actually build relationships. For me, dating was dehumanizing. When I abandoned that, I was able to actually be a good partner, and I was able to find my partner.
I would advise against marriage as well, but we did get married for legal reasons. It can still be hard to maintain that, to see each other as people rather than roles. That becomes extra hard as parents. But the times that we cut through that are the times we're closest. Those are the times when it becomes easier to remember that we're both humans and all human relationships need tending.
Roles don't need to be tended because they are classifications. Classifications are static. But relationships between humans are not. Humans are messy and chaotic. Humans have all kinds of complex needs and desires.
So yeah, don't date. Just be a human and see what happens. Maybe google "relationship anarchy" and see where it takes you.
If you have ADHD, it can be especially useful to understand that relationships with neurotypical folks can be especially difficult. Assume you're incompatible with 90% of the population as your baseline, and you'll start to understand why the standard "dating" thing has made you feel so alienated and miserable.
Neurotypical folks generally have no idea that atypicality exists, much less how it impacts relationships. Having to conform to a neurotypical relationship just adds additional mental strain unless you find someone (really special) who can do at least some of the work.
The ADHD thing was especially important for me. There were so many things I was told to do in specific ways by neurotypicals that never worked for me. Their advice always made me feel like a failure. When I was finally diagnosed, I realized they were just giving advice for the wrong type of brain. It was advice I could never use. Basically all dating advice I ever got fell into this same category.
That's my braindump. Maybe I'll develop it more in the future, but I'm busy so maybe not. I hope it helps someone who is struggling like I was.

Late Diagnosis and Neurodivergence: Autoethnographies and Creative Narratives of Recognition
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updated: Wednesday, March 18, 2026 - 4:42pmfull name / name of organization: Neurodivergent Methods…
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Habt ihr das dröhnende Schweigen der rechtsextremen AfD zur Causa Ulmen vernommen?
Nein?
Ich auch nicht!
Könnte es daran liegen, dass ein Christian nicht so recht in die fremdenfeindliche Propaganda dieser Menschenfeinde passt?
Könnte es sein, dass der Name und die familiären Wurzeln des Opfers nicht in das fremdenfeindliche Narrativ passen?

Ich bin definitiv nicht "normal". ,
Ich bin bisexuell und diagnostizierter Autist. Mir macht der CDU-Slogan: "Politik für ganz normale Leute" deshalb Angst. Eindeutig angehängt an das noAfD-Motto: "Deutschland aber normal". Man sieht mir meine Neurodiversität ebenso wenig an wie meine sexuelle Orientierung, daher fürchte ich mehr als um mich um Freund*innen, die z. B. sichtbar behindert, of color oder erkennbar keine "deutsche Eingeborenen" sind.

Bari Weiss is a fucking monster.
Once upon a time, radio was the hot communication tech driving startups. Bill Paley bought a controlling chunk of a struggling new radio network from Columbia Records and somehow managed to compete with RCA’s National Broadcasting Company. CBS put men in Europe who formed our narratives of the 30s and 40s and defined what Americans still think about that time.
It was the last radio news network

Metacurity is changing things up with this week's infosec long-reads issue. Full access to our curated infosec long reads moves behind a subscriber paywall, although free subscribers still get highlights.
Check out this week's selection of good reads that cover
--Why Anthropic decided to keep Mythos under wraps,
-- Iran adopted locally resonant narratives to exploit Irish political tensions,
--Sexual deepfakes are the scourge of schools,
--How insider ris…

Best infosec long-reads 4/18: The gap between capability and accountability is widening
Why Anthropic decided to keep Mythos under wraps, Iran adopted locally resonant narratives to exploit Irish political tensions, Sexual deepfakes are the scourge of schools, How insider risk and supply chain compromise afflicted twenty-something billionaires, MSG's owner is obsessed with surveillance

For those who have been hearing of a Fly Brain being uploaded, the work you've been hearing of is impressive, yet as always the pop science media has warped what happened a bit:
„The Fly Brain Breakthrough Is Real. The “First Brain Upload” Narrative Is Not.”
https://…

The Fly Brain Breakthrough Is Real. The “First Brain Upload” Narrative Is Not.
Scientists mapped a fruit fly’s 139,255 neurons in extraordinary detail. Then a startup turned that milestone into a story about brain…

"Politik für ganz normale Leute." So ein CDU-Plakat. Das hängt sich eindeutig an das noAfD-Motto: "Deutschland aber normal" dran.
Die Blau-Faschos bestimmen nicht, wer "normal" ist, sondern hängen einem weit verbreiteten Begriff von "Normalität" an: Weiß, nichtbehindert, cis, hetero, deutscher oder "artverwandter" Abstammung, neurotypisch, monogam, im Lebensstil angepasst und unauffällig bis zur Spießigkeit. Und bitte nicht politisch l…

Narratives of Resistance and African Literature: Articulating Dissent, Disobedience and Pluriversal Futures
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Narratives of Resistance and African Literature: Articulating Dissent, Disobedience and Pluriversal…
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Narratives of Resistance and African Literature: Articulating Dissent, Disobedience and Pluriversal Futures
Narratives of Resistance and African Literature: Articulating Dissent, Disobedience and Pluriversal Futures