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@hex@kolektiva.social
2026-03-16 10:22:41
Content warning: gun violence, nazi shit

On the first day of the #PTSD intensive, we talked about the shooting. I had felt like I was done with that, that it didn't have anything left for me. But there was something still that filled me with rage... that is still confusing and enraging.
It wasn't actually being shot. I wasn't even the possibility of death. I had been prepared to die. I always knew that was possible. It was something else.
I remember Marc Hokoana's face as he pepper sprayed pacifists, smiling and taunting, joyfully hurting people who he knew were refusing to respond. I remember their flags, the kek flag, literally a Nazi battle flag replaced in 4chan colors with the clover 4chan logo instead of the swastika. How many people have been tortured, have died? How much suffering, that these people not only welcomed but celebrated, joyfully participated in.
The cruelty was the point. It was the plan, the plan he posted to Facebook, the same plan as they have always had, of torturing people until someone responds and then murdering them. Inflicting trauma, responding with overwhelming force, showing how "big and strong" they are because they can always escalate.
Try to stop someone from peppers praying people, they shoot you. Shoot back, like Michael Reinoehl, and they send a death squad for you. But we keep standing up, so they keep escalating to the slightest imagined infraction. Now they just murder you for being in a car, for filming at a protest, for existing.
The bar for what justifies murder or torture will continue to move lower until there is no one left, or until they can no longer escalate.
The feeling of helplessness is still not the biggest thing though. It's the joy with which they inflict this on us. That's it. That's the thing.
CW: gun violence, abuse dynamics
hexmhell.writeas.com/the-creat

@hex@kolektiva.social
2026-03-17 14:40:07

This remains much harder to talk about, family violence I hadn't really had in my mind for a long time. I had several entries from most days, writing after each treatment, fragments of thoughts that I may expand on later.
CW for the lined text: abuse dynamics, gun violence, #PTSD/#CPTSD stuff
hexmhell.writeas.com/decisions

@mariyadelano@hachyderm.io
2026-01-20 14:40:30

I keep seeing Americans who want to do something about the state of our #politics, but feel like no action they can take will do enough to fix things, so it’s not worth trying.
It’s easy to feel nihilistic. So I’d like to propose an alternative - a 10% improvement approach to political change, of sorts.
It comes from my #PTSD treatment: the idea that no one approach, skill, or intervention can make the #trauma just go away instantaneously. So instead, us humans are left with 10% solutions - things that help a little bit, for some amount of time.
The key to healing is to develop an ongoing set of multiple different solutions that you rotate through based on what feels feasible on any given day / moment. Each one helps a bit. 10%, 5%, 1%. But eventually, you get to making big changes that felt impossible at the start.
The same works for political change and activism. Sure, going to any one protest, or calling your representative, or boycotting a brand, or changing one person’s mind, or donating to one fundraiser won’t fix the entire broken political regime. But it will help A LITTLE.
And if a lot of us continue to find ways to do things that help a little, it will end up doing a lot more.
A movement starts with a thousand little steps that don’t look like much on their own.
Take that little step. Then another.
#USPol #activism #socialChange