@hex@kolektiva.social2026-02-21 21:10:33
After the whole Adam Something "dating advice for leftist men" thing, I realized I should probably write something about that. I didn't, but I realized I should. Here I am sort of getting around to it.
I had a friend call me an "elder" at one point. I was like 35 at that time, but like... a lot of old leftists are just dead or in prison, so we take what we can get I guess. Being also an elder in the sense that I'm an elder millennial, who is also a parent and married for almost 10 years and all that, I guess I'm technically qualified.
So here it is, dating advice for (straight cis) leftist men:
1. Don't.
That's it, actually. That's the whole thing. Let me explain a bit.
First of all, this is dating advice for neuroatypical folks. We're way overrepresented in both extremes because this system wasn't built for us. And that's who is *the most* confused by all the relationship stuff, and most likely to try to apply all this masculinity/manosphere bullshit. I'm also talking a bit from experience here, as a neruo-spicy trying to "figure out" how to date within a paradigm entirely built around neurotypicals and their relationships. It's garbage. Throw it out. There's nothing worth saving.
His video had some line comparing not having sex to your house being on fire. I'm not gonna bother to quote it because I'm busy with actual life. But like, that's exactly what I'm talking about. I recognize that and it's horribly destructive. Men who buy in to patriarchy actually believe this, because those men value themselves based on (hetro) sex. Yeah, if you think you're worthless because you aren't "getting laid" then yeah, you're gonna feel like that's an emergency.
"Dating" as a paradigm turns humans into roles. It dehumanizes us all, and thus makes human connection much harder. It is a game that, like thermonuclear war, can only be won by not playing.
When you abandon "dating" and just act like a human, everything starts to be easier. There's no such thing as being "friend zoned" because you're just friends. Sometimes friendships become other things, sometimes they don't. It doesn't actually matter, because if you're actually there for friendship then you don't *need* anything else.
My grandma, at 98 I think, gave me some advice. My grandparents always got along well, and were married for enough decades that I listened really closely. She told me I should just do things I loved to do and everything else would work itself out.
And it kind of did.
I understand the fear, the idea that you'll die alone. I get that. I get the loneliness. It all hits a lot harder when you have ADHD emotions and past trauma. I get that. But that fear is self-manifesting. When you build your confidence, when you don't *need* to be "in a relationship," you have more room to actually build relationships. For me, dating was dehumanizing. When I abandoned that, I was able to actually be a good partner, and I was able to find my partner.
I would advise against marriage as well, but we did get married for legal reasons. It can still be hard to maintain that, to see each other as people rather than roles. That becomes extra hard as parents. But the times that we cut through that are the times we're closest. Those are the times when it becomes easier to remember that we're both humans and all human relationships need tending.
Roles don't need to be tended because they are classifications. Classifications are static. But relationships between humans are not. Humans are messy and chaotic. Humans have all kinds of complex needs and desires.
So yeah, don't date. Just be a human and see what happens. Maybe google "relationship anarchy" and see where it takes you.
If you have ADHD, it can be especially useful to understand that relationships with neurotypical folks can be especially difficult. Assume you're incompatible with 90% of the population as your baseline, and you'll start to understand why the standard "dating" thing has made you feel so alienated and miserable.
Neurotypical folks generally have no idea that atypicality exists, much less how it impacts relationships. Having to conform to a neurotypical relationship just adds additional mental strain unless you find someone (really special) who can do at least some of the work.
The ADHD thing was especially important for me. There were so many things I was told to do in specific ways by neurotypicals that never worked for me. Their advice always made me feel like a failure. When I was finally diagnosed, I realized they were just giving advice for the wrong type of brain. It was advice I could never use. Basically all dating advice I ever got fell into this same category.
That's my braindump. Maybe I'll develop it more in the future, but I'm busy so maybe not. I hope it helps someone who is struggling like I was.
@heiseonline@social.heise.de2025-12-22 14:48:00
@aredridel@kolektiva.social2026-01-22 02:57:16
How it started:
Too many authentication failures
How it's going:
create mode 120000 dotfiles/ssh/SHA256:APNBDduY7Wz2GYjHV9OJlRl4SegLIJinpdKwb7rqTSM.pub
create mode 100644 dotfiles/ssh/SHA256:PR6dOdv4BeIa_Bgln8GVISrgS2OPoC_S8ptW_x9_x_Y.pub
create mode 100644 dotfiles/ssh/SHA256:b9lcI3kl4Grt7_T8H463HD6vOIuc0DRn0KJOvtfZLgU.pub
create mode 100644 dotfiles/ssh/SHA256:oLXRyMj8qKf5eyHLADbSD8L-xNQrAq0QblnC8O0xu1M.pub
create mode 100644 dotfiles/ssh/SHA256:pnd4AkiTzyAifh3RI8hkPfgMNLBVoyz9MCJBWTYO1qE.pub
@cdarwin@c.im2026-01-21 04:02:11
The Pentagon plans to cut its participation in elements of NATO’s force structure
and a range of the alliance’s advisory groups,
-- the latest sign of the Trump administration’s drive to scale back the U.S. military presence in Europe,
according to multiple officials familiar with the matter.
The impending move will affect about 200 military personnel
and diminish U.S. involvement in nearly 30 NATO organizations,
including its "Centers of Excellence&…
@Dragofix@veganism.social2026-03-20 22:57:59
New mapping data show where oil blocks threaten Venezuela’s protected areas https://news.mongabay.com/2026/03/new-mapping-data-show-where-oil-blocks-threaten-venezuelas-protected-areas/
@thomasfuchs@hachyderm.io2026-02-22 12:49:11
And here's the tech industry's greatest revolutionary inventions
1980s: personal computers
1990s: the Internet
2000s: supercomputers in your pocket
2010s: fake money
2020s: vibe palaver
@aral@mastodon.ar.al2026-02-22 09:05:24
“When Karen Newton left home in late July 2025, she knew that international travellers were being locked up in immigration detention centres in the US. ‘I was aware,’ she nods. ‘But I never thought it would have any impact on my holiday.’”
***
Huge “I planned a holiday in Nazi Germany because they were only persecuting Jews and I’m not Jewish” vibes.
It’s amazing to see privileged white people learn the leopards eating people’s faces lesson over and over again.
@Techmeme@techhub.social2026-02-21 05:06:08
Google announces a partnership with Sea to develop AI tools for Sea's Shopee, Southeast Asia's most dominant e-commerce platform, and Sea's gaming unit Garena (Stanley Widianto/Reuters)
https://www.reuters.com/world/asia-pacific
@mgorny@social.treehouse.systems2026-02-21 17:05:27
Recently I've traveled next to a person who were apparently studying pseudomedicine while discussing with a friend. She was studying, or rather memorizing, some utter bullshit. She already started practicing too, though she wasn't planning to use homeopathy, because she was afraid to. She complained that her boyfriend (?) didn't take all the supplements she's prescribing him. In her own health problems she stopped taking real medicine already. She also discussed their common friends, making comments related to their Chinese zodiac horoscopes.
No, I'm not going to have an open mind in these matters. And I'm definitely going to speak up when I see that some asshole scammers are making money by creating pseudouniversities and teaching people bullshit.
@cdarwin@c.im2026-01-21 00:47:17
Turkey's Zeynep Sönmez says it is more important to be a "good human being than a good tennis player"
after helping carry a fainting ball girl off court during her opening Australian Open match.
https://sport…
