Tootfinder

"Revist the 1987 interview when Donald Trump explains his views on US foreign policy"
39 years later, his views are even dumber and more uninformed.
#sarcasm #archives #CNN

Thanks, Nextcloud. You tell me this update has one incompatible app, so I update. Then after you update the code, you tell me it has 5, including ones I actually care about.
Thanks for that. Really...
#Sarcasm #Nextcloud

I imagine Polymarket will start taking bets on whether Trump will pardon this soldier.
Of course a White House insider will win that bet. 🙄
#sarcasm #betting #polymarket

Oh Lufthansa. How generous and true your *refundable* fares are. ✈️ 🙄
#sarcasm #travel #flying #airfare

“These are sensitive diplomatic discussions and the U.S. will not negotiate through the press."
Nope, we negotiate through mean tweets. 🙄
#Iran #negotiation #war #sarcasm

"OpenAI has a math problem"
ChatGPT's math issues makes sense now.
#OpenAI #technology #AI #LLM #business #sarcasm

Movie star demands the gov launch state-owned OTT platform.
Because watching "cinema, docs at affordable, subsidised rates" is the people's most pressing need. 🙄
Not roads, bridges, water, toilets, food, personal safety,...🤦‍♂️
#priorities #sarcasm #tunnelVision

"Something will be happening soon"
- Trump
True. I'll soon be eating my meal. 🙄
#sarcasm #stupid #vague

"Hackers have breached tank readers at US gas stations; officials suspect Iran"
See, gas prices aren't really high. Iran has hacked all the signs in every gas station across USA to show higher gas prices and make the administration look bad.
#hacking #gasPrices #sarcasm

"This drive-thru coffee chain is pushing into undercaffeinated parts of America"
Headline from undervocabularied writers at CNN. 🙄
#writing #English #headline #CNN #sarcasm

"This is a **list of rice dishes** from all over the world".
See also: "Fool's errand". 🙄
#sarcasm #Wikipedia #futility

"Fraudsters without Borders" was the original name for "Board of Peace".
Also the name of the Trump family.
#truth #misnomer #sarcasm

"But, anyone with allegations of me mistreating them should just go away"
- Katie Porter, at least in her mind.
#California #elections #sarcasm

Katy Perry in "Astronaut Hall of Fame" when? 🤔
#astronatus #HallOfFame #recognition #sarcasm #joke

If Trump played in the MLB, he'd hit 486 HRs *every season*. All of them grand slam and in the river.
His pitching line would be: ꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘ.
Clemens, Ohtani, Judge would be his flunkies and brawl to hold up his spittoon.
#sarcasm #hyperbole #MLB

Trump announces the next favorite spot for pigeons in Washington DC.🕊️
#sarcasm #garden #WashingtonDC #monuments #statues

Make Indulgences Great Again
- Trumpope
#slogan #sarcasm #bullying #Vatican #pope

"Microsoft and Stellantis want to use AI to help car owners"
H. E. L. P. is an interesting way to spell "hurt". 🤨
#Microsoft #Stellantis #cars #AI #LLM #sarcasm

"White House Warned Staff Not to Engage in Insider Trading Amid War With Iran"
Except the people with whom the president has an agreement of some sort. 🙄
#sarcasm #InsiderTrading #corruption #NYT

Hospital. *n*. A place one goes to to become a patient, mostly through the process of waiting long hours in a crowded lobby teaming with patients.
#sarcasm #truth #definition #hospitals

Looks like Donald also failed to negotiate the annual "public appearance and behavior" agreement with the First Lady. 😭
#negotiation #sarcasm #fail #Melania #Epstein

#CNN: "Frequent flyers say these 25 travel essentials under $25 actually make a difference"
Lemme guess. Greyhound (bus) tickets? 😏
#flying #alternatives #sarcasm #travel

Not-Dictator says what? 😮
#sarcasm #USA #press #freedom #threat

The "Sports War" segment on the Daily Show is usually good. This episode particularly so. The sarcasm has extra bite. 💪
#entertainment #sports #commentary #spoofs #sarcasm #comedy #DailyShow

The Artemis II mission also set a record for "most accomplishment with least attention".
Thanks Mr. President. We couldn't do it without you. 🙄
#Artemis #space #history #sarcasm #distraction

The patient could keel over and this doctor would probably still (be required to) say “the patient remains in excellent overall health.” 🙄
#health #sarcasm #USA #honesty #ethics

Original headline: Pope Leo first pontiff in decades to carry cross for entire Good Friday service
Corrected headline: Pope Leo first pontiff in decades *fit enough* to carry cross for entire Good Friday service
#sarcasm #joke #pope #GoodFriday #corrections #headlines

“Trust, fidelity and respect are non-negotiable for me in a relationship, and when those values are compromised, there’s no real path forward”
- Megan Thee Stallion
She is principled, except about a serial cheat and womanizer who gives her a "free Gold card". #iykyk
#breakup #Megan #news #sarcasm

Why Iran needed to be bombed:
/s
#Iran #Pakistan #assassination #news #guilty #sarcasm #excuses #rationale