Tootfinder

Okay so the joke is still funny, but in reading the headline I thought this #TheOnion bit was going to be about how every movie is THREE GODDAMNED HOURS LONG these days. https://theonion.com/man-binge-watch…

Man Binge-Watches Entire Movie In One Sitting
COLUMBUS, OH—Expressing embarrassment at the sheer amount of time that had passed, local man Evan Pfister reportedly binge-watched an entire movie in one sitting on Friday. “Wow, I must have been staring at this screen for hours. Well, almost hours. An hour and forty nine minutes, to be precise,” said Pfister, who told reporters that […]

#TheOnion, not cool

Slightly Older Sources Report If You Think Body Feels Bad Now, Just Wait
EAU CLAIRE, WI—Massaging their stiff shoulders and necks while remarking that they wish they’d known how good they had it when they were your age, slightly older sources reported Thursday that if you think your body feels bad now, just you wait. “Hoo boy, you might think things hurt already, but buckle up, because this […]

Fuck yes
#infowars #theonion

InfoWars
Let me tell you a story. When I was a child, I suffered from night terrors. It was always the same dream: I could hear my family and neighbors wailing…

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#theonion

lmao #TheOnion
https://theonion.com/keir-starmer-resigns-amid-not-being-very-good-prime-minister-scandal/

Keir Starmer Resigns Amid ‘Not Being Very Good Prime Minister’ Scandal