Tootfinder

Opt-in global Mastodon full text search. Join the index!

@ubuntourist@mastodon.social
2025-08-21 14:53:04

#malaphors #humor #comedy

itsvondel: you can take one man's trash to another man's treasure but you cannot make it drink runtime-err0r: Fun fact: the blending of idioms or cliches is called a malaphor. My personal favorite is "We'll burn that bridge when we get to it." chromalogue: I'm rather fond of "It's not rocket surgery" and "not the sharpest egg in the attic," but my all-time favorite is, "...until the cows freeze over." bowtochris: You've opened this can of worms, now lie in it.
@outer@mas.to
2025-08-20 02:22:29

“Self-examination is great but no need to fall into the assesspool of self-judgment.”

-- Swami Beyondananda
Swami’s Daily Laughsitive (stolen from his email list)
#Humor

@raysofred@discordian.social
2025-09-19 22:34:09

I got bored and made this
#youtube #humor

@iam_jfnklstrm@social.linux.pizza
2025-09-15 12:19:19

Snodd från blurpan #humor #anatomi

En anatomisk beskrivning av njurar och urinblåsa som tyvärr får det att se ut som en enorm snopp placerad på magen istället för dess ordinarie plats
@kurtsh@mastodon.social
2025-08-10 21:04:12

Okay. I LOL'd. 😂
#humor
From: @…
hachyderm.io/@DaddyWarch…

That Crazy Warchief Guy (@DaddyWarchief@hachyderm.io)
I wanna record an audiobook that's 8 hours of breathing and page turning. Then just "Oh, you mean out loud?" right at the end.

@midtsveen@social.linux.pizza
2025-07-12 20:20:27

Eduard Khil - Trololo Song [HD]
#NowPlaying #Humor

@erk709@social.linux.pizza
2025-07-19 01:02:57

User: Should you cut someone with a knife?
AI: NO!
User: Not even if you're a surgeon?
AI: 😭😬🫥🐥⚡️✨💫🔥💥☠️☠️☠️
#humor #ai

Cutting people with knifes
User: Should you cut someone with a knife?AI: NO!User: Not even if you’re a surgeon?AI: 😭😬🫥🐥⚡️✨💫🔥💥☠️☠️☠️

@carloshr@lile.cl
2025-09-04 15:34:43

Ingeniero todo el rato 😅
#Memes #Humor

Un meme de dos paneles que compara las soluciones de un "físico" y un "ingeniero" para un problema de equilibrio. En la parte superior, el texto dice: "Balancea 6 clavos sin que toquen la madera". El panel izquierdo, titulado "El físico", muestra a un joven con gafas y sudadera azul, sentado con los brazos cruzados y una expresión pensativa o concentrada. Sobre la mesa frente a él, un clavo está clavado verticalmente en un pequeño bloque de madera. Sobre la cabeza de este clavo, otros cinco cl…
@outer@mas.to
2025-07-12 22:41:02

“Truth lives in your heart;
beliefs lie in your head.”
-- Swami Beyondananda
The swami is right sometimes.
#Humor #Joke #Wisdom

@ubuntourist@mastodon.social
2025-09-10 14:29:52

#humor #comedy

PHOTO: A black ram entering a bedroom. CAPTION: When you are studying Latin but you keep making mistakes.
@kurtsh@mastodon.social
2025-09-08 21:49:44

I DON' WANNA BE FAT LIKE BOO BOO I TRYNA EXERCISE WHAASSUP
#dogs #humor

@shoppingtonz@mastodon.social
2025-07-09 06:06:16

When I start yelling
EVERYBODY NEEDS TO CALM DOWN
the honest truth is that I need to calm down.
#CalmDown #humor #humour

@iam_jfnklstrm@social.linux.pizza
2025-08-19 11:20:59

Stolen meme #memes #meme #humor #funny

An image showing a Barbie doll next to a pink Barbie camper and a small science lab setup. The camper has an opened top to reveal an interior space, while the science lab features colorful equipment on a desk. The text reads I just realized my daughter, Grace got a barbie camper and a barbie science lab for christmas which is essentially a barbie breaking bad kit
@kurtsh@mastodon.social
2025-08-08 13:23:36

When you kiss someone & your dog's not having any of it. (Yup, my dog gets in between me & my wife all the time)
#dogs #humor

@midtsveen@social.linux.pizza
2025-07-12 20:14:59

The Loophole by Garfunkel and Oates
#NowPlaying #Humor

@ubuntourist@mastodon.social
2025-07-05 21:07:43

#humor #comedy #truth

Schrodinger's Backup "The condition of any backup is unknown until a restore is attempted."
@erk709@social.linux.pizza
2025-08-16 01:02:39

Some dude doing online reviews: I just bought it. It's working perfectly! I give it 5 stars.
Me: I have a bridge to sell you...
#naive #conned #humor

Five Stars
A: I just bought it. It’s working perfectly! I give it 5 stars.B: I have a bridge to sell you… Header image: By Suiseiseki – Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, Link, Altered

@carloshr@lile.cl
2025-06-23 18:10:22

Si se viene la 3ra guerra mundial, al menos rišmonos
#Memes #Humor

Un gato naranja con un casco de piloto está en la cabina de un avión de combate, con una expresión de sorpresa y boca abierta. Al fondo, se ven otros aviones y un atardecer. En la parte superior, un texto en español dice: "Yo siendo reclutado por E.U. porque no leí los términos y condiciones de Disney Plus", lo cual es un meme que sugiere que las condiciones de servicio de Disney Plus son tan complicadas como ser reclutado por el ejército estadounidense.
@kurtsh@mastodon.social
2025-07-06 21:32:57

Remember that moment in Space Force, Season 2, Episode 7?
#humor #spaceforce

@outer@mas.to
2025-07-01 14:16:28

@…
If I said you have beautiful eyes, would you hold them against me?
Wait, no...let me start over.
#Humor

@iam_jfnklstrm@social.linux.pizza
2025-08-28 05:15:56

So low by Linux Mint to DDOS Arch linux just to increase interest in Mint *humor*
#archlinux #linux #linuxmint

@kubikpixel@chaos.social
2025-06-27 09:10:13

Wie jetzt, der Schmerz ist Käse?!??
Ich kann ja Fremdsprachen – NICHT 😅
#painetfromage #humor #haus #anschrift

Hausanschrift: "Pain et Fromage"
@iam_jfnklstrm@social.linux.pizza
2025-06-25 07:25:55

Pun in swedish #humor #rolig

En bild på en skylt med texten Kajplats 2. På skylten sitter en kaja
@kurtsh@mastodon.social
2025-08-28 05:26:06

The dude writing Colorado State's official press guide pronunciation table's got jokes. 😁

#coloradostate #humor #football

@midtsveen@social.linux.pizza
2025-07-14 12:08:15

#ActuallyAutistic #Autism #Autistic #Humor

Text on a light yellow background reads: "I'M AUTISTIC, PLEASE BE PATIENT." The word "AUTISTIC" is in multicolored letters.
@Defiance@sfba.social
2025-07-24 15:27:45

We lost a great one on this day in 1980.
#comedy #movies #humor #rip

@kurtsh@mastodon.social
2025-07-25 16:02:30

Hunter Biden, going scorched earth on Clooney, and Axelrod, and everybody who betrayed his Dad... but they're all babies.
Love this. 🤣
#babies #humor #politics

@raysofred@discordian.social
2025-07-11 17:46:15

New Video yay
#video #youtube #coolcat #humor

- YouTube
Enjoy the videos and music you love, upload original content, and share it all with friends, family, and the world on YouTube.

@kurtsh@mastodon.social
2025-09-07 03:53:39

This is the best thing I'm gonna watch all week. 😜
▶️ Top 10 Best Kelly Clarkson Show Moments
#humor

@midtsveen@social.linux.pizza
2025-07-24 23:49:09

This is what my mom doesn’t understand 🧩 I know more than the average Joe ♾️
#Autism #ActuallyAutistic #Autistic

A young child sits on grass using a laptop under a clear sky. The text reads, "You might be an autism parent if... your child can learn more from computers and television than they can from human interaction."
@ubuntourist@mastodon.social
2025-08-04 18:06:43

#humor #comedy #music #rock

CARTOON: A map of "Rock 'n' Roll neighborhood" containing lots of song titles which reference locations.
@midtsveen@social.linux.pizza
2025-07-08 13:48:12

#Unix #Linux #LinusTorvalds #Humor

A confident man in a light gray polo stands with arms crossed, smiling. Bold text reads, "This guy created his own Unix-like OS... because commercial Unix was too expensive."
@kurtsh@mastodon.social
2025-07-29 03:26:47

The story of the racehorse, "Hoof Hearted". Now with actual video of the horse taking 1st place in his race.
#humor

@ubuntourist@mastodon.social
2025-09-01 15:32:20

#resist #humor #metamussolini #metamucillini

Is it "Metamucillini" or "Metamussolini"?
@iam_jfnklstrm@social.linux.pizza
2025-06-25 07:22:31

Stolen img #humor #funny #true #satanism

A comic strip featuring a conversation between a priest and a young woman. The woman confesses to being a lesbian, and the priest advises her to pray for help to change. In the final panel, she prays for her problem to disappear, followed by the priest disappearing
@ubuntourist@mastodon.social
2025-07-31 21:18:41

Seen recently.
#CollegeHumor #humor #comedy #college

PHOTO: A urinal with a poster above it reading "Lost your focus? Find it here." CAPTION: Somewhere a college health staff member is having a good laugh.
@kurtsh@mastodon.social
2025-07-05 03:55:09

#genx #music #80s #humor

@midtsveen@social.linux.pizza
2025-07-24 23:52:52

Who can relate?
#ActuallyAutistic #Autism #Autistic #Humor

A bear with a contemplative expression rests its paws on a log. Overlay text reads: "I never make eye contact with people... it's sensory overload."
@ubuntourist@mastodon.social
2025-06-24 00:22:26

Editorial cartoon by Benjamin Slyngstad
#humor #cartoon #comedy #editorial

Editorial cartoon by Benjamin Slyngstad: Trump with a red Sharpie, standing next to a small wooden sign which reads "Iran" and has an arrow pointing left. Above Trump, text in black says "No More Wars" but a comma and exclamation point in red have been added so that it now reads "No, More Wars!" Trump then says "There. I fixed it."
@ubuntourist@mastodon.social
2025-06-24 12:18:07

"No Fun with Donald, Vlad and Bibi"
Donald is very unhappy.
#parody #humor #comedy #Fun_with_Dick_and_Jane

Retouched image of Dick from old "Dick and Jane" basal readers. Donald. Donald is saying "Stop, Vlad, Stop! Stop, Bibi, Stop!"
@ubuntourist@mastodon.social
2025-06-24 01:00:48

#parody #humor #comedy #politics

PARODY @RealHirohito We have completed our very successful attack on Hawaii. All planes are now outside of America air space. A full payload of BOMBS was dropped on the primary site, Pearl Harbor. All planes are safely on their way home. Congratulations to our great Japanese Warriors. There is not another military in the World that could have done this. NOW IS THE TIME FOR PEACE! Thank you for your attention to this matter 12:00 P. M. - 07 Dec 41 - Twitter for Android 1M Retweets 2M Likes
@ubuntourist@mastodon.social
2025-06-24 00:33:11

#cartoon #humor #comedy #MAD

A cartoon from MAD magazine. Above the cartoon, Allison F. writes "My son found this in a Mad Magazine from 1992 that we had kicking around. At the top center "When should we believe Donald Trump?" Below it, two panels. LEFT PANEL: A stack of books with a portrait of Donald Trump "TRUMP: Surviving at the Top" CAPTION: When he writes a book telling us what a financial genius he is? OR RIGHT PANEL: Trump kneeling and praying before three unsympathetic men, inside TRUMP Warehouse filled with …