Tootfinder

Me: "Would you like something healthy to go with those awful nitrate-ful hot dogs? Maybe an apple?"
Her: "Butt cancer!"
Me: "🎶butttttttttt cancerrrrrrrr 🎶"
13yo: "can you both please SHUT UP and let me eat???"
#parenting

Me: [picks up dropped metal water bottle]
Me: "it's wild how much abuse these things can take, and they just keep going! "
13yo: "are you talking about me?"
Me: "yes."
13yo: "good, I finally get some recognition for my suffering."
#parenting 🙄

Overhearing my kids tell the babysitter, "You're the coolest adult in this house. But the bar is pretty low." #parenting