Tootfinder

The ceasefire is in effect between attacks. Like buses ply nonstop between stops. 🫤
#sarcasm #ceasefire #comparison

"Fraudsters without Borders" was the original name for "Board of Peace".
Also the name of the Trump family.
#truth #misnomer #sarcasm

Hat denn schon jemand aus der Regierung oder dem Bundestag laut darüber nachgedacht, Regentänze einzuführen? Oder klatschen wir einfach täglich um 17h auf dem Balkon für Regen? #sarcasm #klimakatastrophe

Thanks, Nextcloud. You tell me this update has one incompatible app, so I update. Then after you update the code, you tell me it has 5, including ones I actually care about.
Thanks for that. Really...
#Sarcasm #Nextcloud

Voraussichtlich am Dienstag hat der Bundestag die Hitze dann erstmal ausgesessen und kann sich wieder den wichtigen Dingen widmen. #sarcasm

If Trump played in the MLB, he'd hit 486 HRs *every season*. All of them grand slam and in the river.
His pitching line would be: ꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘ.
Clemens, Ohtani, Judge would be his flunkies and brawl to hold up his spittoon.
#sarcasm #hyperbole #MLB

Looksmaxxing. Looks more like Stupidmaxxing. 😏
#sarcasm #looksmaxxing #stupid

"Revist the 1987 interview when Donald Trump explains his views on US foreign policy"
39 years later, his views are even dumber and more uninformed.
#sarcasm #archives #CNN

I imagine Polymarket will start taking bets on whether Trump will pardon this soldier.
Of course a White House insider will win that bet. 🙄
#sarcasm #betting #polymarket

"Something will be happening soon"
- Trump
True. I'll soon be eating my meal. 🙄
#sarcasm #stupid #vague

Movie star demands the gov launch state-owned OTT platform.
Because watching "cinema, docs at affordable, subsidised rates" is the people's most pressing need. 🙄
Not roads, bridges, water, toilets, food, personal safety,...🤦‍♂️
#priorities #sarcasm #tunnelVision

"Hackers have breached tank readers at US gas stations; officials suspect Iran"
See, gas prices aren't really high. Iran has hacked all the signs in every gas station across USA to show higher gas prices and make the administration look bad.
#hacking #gasPrices #sarcasm

Is it even a documentary, if Ken Burns did not make it? 🤔 🎥
(legit question even without the second clause)
#misnomer #marketing #documentary #cpp #cPlusPlus #sarcasm #joke

“I’m on whatever list. I saw this morning I’m on every single one of their lists."
Even on their grocery list? 😏
#Iran #Israel #war #sarcasm #lists

Oh Lufthansa. How generous and true your *refundable* fares are. ✈️ 🙄
#sarcasm #travel #flying #airfare

“These are sensitive diplomatic discussions and the U.S. will not negotiate through the press."
Nope, we negotiate through mean tweets. 🙄
#Iran #negotiation #war #sarcasm

“Trust, fidelity and respect are non-negotiable for me in a relationship, and when those values are compromised, there’s no real path forward”
- Megan Thee Stallion
She is principled, except about a serial cheat and womanizer who gives her a "free Gold card". #iykyk
#breakup #Megan #news #sarcasm

"This drive-thru coffee chain is pushing into undercaffeinated parts of America"
Headline from undervocabularied writers at CNN. 🙄
#writing #English #headline #CNN #sarcasm

Katy Perry in "Astronaut Hall of Fame" when? 🤔
#astronatus #HallOfFame #recognition #sarcasm #joke

"in counties where more than 90% of residents had early smartphone access, the fertility rate fell significantly more "
C'mon, stop being coy. Just say Fairfield County, Connecticut. 🫤
#sarcasm #wealth #research #fertility

"I've won three titles for Portugal; before ‌Cristiano Ronaldo, Portugal hadn't won a single title."
- Christiano Ronaldo
Sportsmen are the most humble bunch. Emphasis on men. 😏
#Ronaldo #WorldCup #Portugal #humility #sarcasm

Make Indulgences Great Again
- Trumpope
#slogan #sarcasm #bullying #Vatican #pope

Trump announces the next favorite spot for pigeons in Washington DC.🕊️
#sarcasm #garden #WashingtonDC #monuments #statues

"Microsoft and Stellantis want to use AI to help car owners"
H. E. L. P. is an interesting way to spell "hurt". 🤨
#Microsoft #Stellantis #cars #AI #LLM #sarcasm

CNN: Track vessels in the Strait of Hormuz. 🛳️
Me: Why, is my Amazon package on one of those vessels? 😏
#sarcasm #headlines #CNN #hormuz

Amazon: Ask Rufus or search reviews and Q&A
Me: Rufus? More like dufus, amirite? 😏
#Amazon #Rufus #AI #LLM #sarcasm

#Obit: Alan Greenspan kept interest rates too low for too long which significantly contributed to the housing bubble. He did have that great line about "irrational exuberance" of markets, though the man loved the stock market. Like, a lot.
#obituary #sarcasm #harsh #truth #Greenspan