Tootfinder

Hat denn schon jemand aus der Regierung oder dem Bundestag laut darüber nachgedacht, Regentänze einzuführen? Oder klatschen wir einfach täglich um 17h auf dem Balkon für Regen? #sarcasm #klimakatastrophe

Voraussichtlich am Dienstag hat der Bundestag die Hitze dann erstmal ausgesessen und kann sich wieder den wichtigen Dingen widmen. #sarcasm

Movie star demands the gov launch state-owned OTT platform.
Because watching "cinema, docs at affordable, subsidised rates" is the people's most pressing need. 🙄
Not roads, bridges, water, toilets, food, personal safety,...🤦‍♂️
#priorities #sarcasm #tunnelVision

"Hackers have breached tank readers at US gas stations; officials suspect Iran"
See, gas prices aren't really high. Iran has hacked all the signs in every gas station across USA to show higher gas prices and make the administration look bad.
#hacking #gasPrices #sarcasm

The ceasefire is in effect between attacks. Like buses ply nonstop between stops. 🫤
#sarcasm #ceasefire #comparison

"Fraudsters without Borders" was the original name for "Board of Peace".
Also the name of the Trump family.
#truth #misnomer #sarcasm

If Trump played in the MLB, he'd hit 486 HRs *every season*. All of them grand slam and in the river.
His pitching line would be: ꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘ.
Clemens, Ohtani, Judge would be his flunkies and brawl to hold up his spittoon.
#sarcasm #hyperbole #MLB

Big bank: All our representatives are assisting other customers.
Number of representatives: One
🙄
#CustomerService #sarcasm

"This drive-thru coffee chain is pushing into undercaffeinated parts of America"
Headline from undervocabularied writers at CNN. 🙄
#writing #English #headline #CNN #sarcasm

CNN: Track vessels in the Strait of Hormuz. 🛳️
Me: Why, is my Amazon package on one of those vessels? 😏
#sarcasm #headlines #CNN #hormuz

Katy Perry in "Astronaut Hall of Fame" when? 🤔
#astronatus #HallOfFame #recognition #sarcasm #joke

"in counties where more than 90% of residents had early smartphone access, the fertility rate fell significantly more "
C'mon, stop being coy. Just say Fairfield County, Connecticut. 🫤
#sarcasm #wealth #research #fertility

Trump announces the next favorite spot for pigeons in Washington DC.🕊️
#sarcasm #garden #WashingtonDC #monuments #statues

Looksmaxxing. Looks more like Stupidmaxxing. 😏
#sarcasm #looksmaxxing #stupid

Amazon: Ask Rufus or search reviews and Q&A
Me: Rufus? More like dufus, amirite? 😏
#Amazon #Rufus #AI #LLM #sarcasm

Is it even a documentary, if Ken Burns did not make it? 🤔 🎥
(legit question even without the second clause)
#misnomer #marketing #documentary #cpp #cPlusPlus #sarcasm #joke

#Obit: Alan Greenspan kept interest rates too low for too long which significantly contributed to the housing bubble. He did have that great line about "irrational exuberance" of markets, though the man loved the stock market. Like, a lot.
#obituary #sarcasm #harsh #truth #Greenspan

“I’m on whatever list. I saw this morning I’m on every single one of their lists."
Even on their grocery list? 😏
#Iran #Israel #war #sarcasm #lists

Major media outlets tripping and falling over themselves to bring you this hard-hitting journalism:
#CNN #Zara #fashion #pun #journalism #sarcasm

"I've won three titles for Portugal; before ‌Cristiano Ronaldo, Portugal hadn't won a single title."
- Christiano Ronaldo
Sportsmen are the most humble bunch. Emphasis on men. 😏
#Ronaldo #WorldCup #Portugal #humility #sarcasm