Tootfinder

If Trump played in the MLB, he'd hit 486 HRs *every season*. All of them grand slam and in the river.
His pitching line would be: ꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘꓘ.
Clemens, Ohtani, Judge would be his flunkies and brawl to hold up his spittoon.
#sarcasm #hyperbole #MLB

Hospital. *n*. A place one goes to to become a patient, mostly through the process of waiting long hours in a crowded lobby teaming with patients.
#sarcasm #truth #definition #hospitals

Thanks, Nextcloud. You tell me this update has one incompatible app, so I update. Then after you update the code, you tell me it has 5, including ones I actually care about.
Thanks for that. Really...
#Sarcasm #Nextcloud

"Revist the 1987 interview when Donald Trump explains his views on US foreign policy"
39 years later, his views are even dumber and more uninformed.
#sarcasm #archives #CNN

Original headline: Pope Leo first pontiff in decades to carry cross for entire Good Friday service
Corrected headline: Pope Leo first pontiff in decades *fit enough* to carry cross for entire Good Friday service
#sarcasm #joke #pope #GoodFriday #corrections #headlines

The "Sports War" segment on the Daily Show is usually good. This episode particularly so. The sarcasm has extra bite. 💪
#entertainment #sports #commentary #spoofs #sarcasm #comedy #DailyShow

I imagine Polymarket will start taking bets on whether Trump will pardon this soldier.
Of course a White House insider will win that bet. 🙄
#sarcasm #betting #polymarket

The patient could keel over and this doctor would probably still (be required to) say “the patient remains in excellent overall health.” 🙄
#health #sarcasm #USA #honesty #ethics

"Something will be happening soon"
- Trump
True. I'll soon be eating my meal. 🙄
#sarcasm #stupid #vague

"This is a **list of rice dishes** from all over the world".
See also: "Fool's errand". 🙄
#sarcasm #Wikipedia #futility

"But, anyone with allegations of me mistreating them should just go away"
- Katie Porter, at least in her mind.
#California #elections #sarcasm

Oh Lufthansa. How generous and true your *refundable* fares are. ✈️ 🙄
#sarcasm #travel #flying #airfare

“These are sensitive diplomatic discussions and the U.S. will not negotiate through the press."
Nope, we negotiate through mean tweets. 🙄
#Iran #negotiation #war #sarcasm

“Trust, fidelity and respect are non-negotiable for me in a relationship, and when those values are compromised, there’s no real path forward”
- Megan Thee Stallion
She is principled, except about a serial cheat and womanizer who gives her a "free Gold card". #iykyk
#breakup #Megan #news #sarcasm

"He didn’t insult the justices nor question the court’s legitimacy. I’m counting it as a win for the rule of law."
I thought there was a bit more to "rule of law" than that. My bad. 🙄
#SOTU #sarcasm #USA #NYT #opinion #RuleOfLaw

"When Hindi is promoted, all other languages get strengthened"
"Can be no dispute between Hindi and local language since they're two sisters of the same mother"
I mean, nurturing one sister is enough. Every mother knows that. 🙄
#sarcasm #India #Hindi #respect

"OpenAI has a math problem"
ChatGPT's math issues makes sense now.
#OpenAI #technology #AI #LLM #business #sarcasm

"Why is the ballroom only 90,000 square feet?"
- National Commission of Fine Arts, probably.
#sarcasm #corruption #USA #ballroom #WhiteHouse

Make Indulgences Great Again
- Trumpope
#slogan #sarcasm #bullying #Vatican #pope

"White House Warned Staff Not to Engage in Insider Trading Amid War With Iran"
Except the people with whom the president has an agreement of some sort. 🙄
#sarcasm #InsiderTrading #corruption #NYT

"Microsoft and Stellantis want to use AI to help car owners"
H. E. L. P. is an interesting way to spell "hurt". 🤨
#Microsoft #Stellantis #cars #AI #LLM #sarcasm

Looks like Donald also failed to negotiate the annual "public appearance and behavior" agreement with the First Lady. 😭
#negotiation #sarcasm #fail #Melania #Epstein

#CNN: "Frequent flyers say these 25 travel essentials under $25 actually make a difference"
Lemme guess. Greyhound (bus) tickets? 😏
#flying #alternatives #sarcasm #travel

Not-Dictator says what? 😮
#sarcasm #USA #press #freedom #threat

The Artemis II mission also set a record for "most accomplishment with least attention".
Thanks Mr. President. We couldn't do it without you. 🙄
#Artemis #space #history #sarcasm #distraction

Self-driving cars, self-growing cities. Same difference. 💁‍♂️
#sarcasm #space #moon #mars #technology #humanity #future #Musk

Why Iran needed to be bombed:
/s
#Iran #Pakistan #assassination #news #guilty #sarcasm #excuses #rationale