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@netzschleuder@social.skewed.de
2025-06-16 01:00:03

swingers: Swingers and parties (2013)
A bipartite sexual affiliation network representing “swing unit” couples (one node per couple) and the parties they attended.
This network has 96 nodes and 232 edges.
Tags: Social, Offline, Unweighted
networks.skewed.de/net/swingers

swingers: Swingers and parties (2013). 96 nodes, 232 edges. https://networks.skewed.de/net/swingers
@arXiv_csLG_bot@mastoxiv.page
2025-08-15 10:21:22

Efficiently Verifiable Proofs of Data Attribution
Ari Karchmer, Seth Neel, Martin Pawelczyk
arxiv.org/abs/2508.10866 arxiv.org/pdf/2508.108…

@rmdes@mstdn.social
2025-07-14 19:32:51

⚖️ 6 parties civiles se battent pour la justice dans l’affaire OKC-Spatz. iElles n’ont pas les moyens de payer leurs avocats. Chardons Bleus est lŠ pour les soutenir. Aidons-les Š poursuivre leur combat ! votre don peut faire la différence 💙 👉 chardonsbleus.org/dons

@burger_jaap@mastodon.social
2025-07-14 14:26:59

It is fascinating how the electrification of public transport buses is also creating new business and collaboration models: First Bus already opens its depots during the day (when the buses are in service) to pre-approved parties, such as fleets of buses and trucks, and is now also launching #EV charging hubs for everyone (9 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.), as “First Charge”, as in Glasgow (34 x 150 kW).

@UP8@mastodon.social
2025-08-13 23:52:12

👷🏾‍♀️ Labour must create green jobs or lose voters to parties who oppose net zero, unions warn
theguardian.com/environment/20

@primonatura@mstdn.social
2025-08-14 11:00:15

"Global wetlands conference results in resolutions for protection & restoration"
#Wetlands #Environment

@bici@mastodon.social
2025-09-14 23:10:49

Dear People I am done with following hyped music, manufactured, and promoted by money grubbing bottom dwellers . For the most part we know who the guilty parties are....

@arXiv_csPL_bot@mastoxiv.page
2025-06-16 07:49:09

PermRust: A Token-based Permission System for Rust
Lukas Gehring, Sebastian Rehms, Florian Tschorsch
arxiv.org/abs/2506.11701

@cyrevolt@mastodon.social
2025-07-13 23:33:28

AUTH, or, as some other parties spell it, FAIL:
cisa.gov/news-events/ics-advis

@arXiv_csCR_bot@mastoxiv.page
2025-06-16 07:22:29

User Perceptions and Attitudes Toward Untraceability in Messaging Platforms
Carla F. Griggio, Boel Nelson, Zefan Sramek, Aslan Askarov
arxiv.org/abs/2506.11212

@isonno@mastodon.social
2025-07-14 18:59:14

@… Hi, you work in accessibility at Apple, right?
I've found a serious issue with the iPhone's RTT call transcription.
By default, it *saves the transcript* of the call in the call log. This constitutes a recording of the call, and this transcript is saved on the iPhone without the knowledge or consent of the other parties on the call. This is ILLE…

@rmdes@mstdn.social
2025-09-15 19:46:24

🚧 L’accès Š la justice est un combat. Encore plus pour des survivant-es de dérives sectaires. Aidons-les Š surmonter cet obstacle et Š voir leur dossier avancer. Chaque don compte ! 💙 👉 chardonsbleus.org

@arXiv_quantph_bot@mastoxiv.page
2025-07-11 10:05:41

Correlations and quantum circuits with dynamical causal order
Rapha\"el Mothe, Alastair A. Abbott, Cyril Branciard
arxiv.org/abs/2507.07992

@kubikpixel@chaos.social
2025-06-29 20:35:09

»Life360 Secretly Sells Users’ Geolocation Data to Third Parties, Class Action Claims:
A proposed class action alleges family tracking app Life360 secretly sells data about users’ locations and movements to third parties.«
When apps are (almost) free, they make unlimited money by selling you. Don't trust any, if they don't communicate their data protection.
🕵️

@netzschleuder@social.skewed.de
2025-07-12 02:00:03

swingers: Swingers and parties (2013)
A bipartite sexual affiliation network representing “swing unit” couples (one node per couple) and the parties they attended.
This network has 96 nodes and 232 edges.
Tags: Social, Offline, Unweighted
networks.skewed.de/net/swingers

swingers: Swingers and parties (2013). 96 nodes, 232 edges. https://networks.skewed.de/net/swingers
@arXiv_csLO_bot@mastoxiv.page
2025-09-11 08:01:03

Payment Channels with Proofs
Chad E. Brown, Cezary Kaliszyk, Josef Urban
arxiv.org/abs/2509.08268 arxiv.org/pdf/2509.08268

@schoedland@digitalcourage.social
2025-09-13 19:13:00

Late to the party (tbh, I don't attend many parties), but David Gilmour's album Luck and Strange is full of music I like:
album.link/i/1742106033

@rmdes@mstdn.social
2025-09-15 10:27:34

💔 Survivre Š une dérive sectaire, c’est déjŠ un combat. Se reconstruire et chercher justice, c’est encore plus difficile. Aidons les victimes d’OKC Š faire entendre leur voix au tribunal. ⚖️ 👉 chardonsbleus.org

@bourgwick@heads.social
2025-09-07 22:57:42

was just reminded where i was 15 years ago today, at all tomorrow's parties' last stand at kutsher's (or maybe just kutsher's last stand), the only place i've ever encountered an out-of-order sign on a mattress. probably one of my last proper blog posts. jessejarnow.com/2010/09/all-to

Kutsher's front sign, blue sky behind
out of order tag on a mattress

Trump has turned the presidency into a branding machine that fills his coffers with cash.
He has also become the grand dispenser of rent -- deciding by himself which eager rent-seekers receive government benefits and subsidies.
In January 2016, Trump explained why he had been so generous to both parties with campaign donations.
“I’ve got to give to them, because when I want something, I get it. When I call, they kiss my ass,” he said

@memeorandum@universeodon.com
2025-07-11 22:21:01

David Gergen, political insider who advised four presidents of both parties, dies at 83 (CNN)
cnn.com/2025/07/11/politics/da
memeorandum.com/250711/p99#a25

@rmdes@mstdn.social
2025-07-14 15:37:44

💔 Les survivants d’OKC ont surmonté des défis incroyables. Ensemble, luttons pour leur droit Š la justice. Rejoignez-nous pour mettre fin Š l'impunité. 🙏 👉 chardonsbleus.org/

@Sustainable2050@mastodon.energy
2025-09-04 19:57:03

Less than 2 years ago, the right and far-right parties later forming the now double-failed Dutch government coalition got 88 out of 150 seats in parliament. They're now polling at 53 seats.
The two parties still in the caretaker government together at 21 seats.

@netzschleuder@social.skewed.de
2025-08-10 15:00:03

swingers: Swingers and parties (2013)
A bipartite sexual affiliation network representing “swing unit” couples (one node per couple) and the parties they attended.
This network has 96 nodes and 232 edges.
Tags: Social, Offline, Unweighted
networks.skewed.de/net/swingers

swingers: Swingers and parties (2013). 96 nodes, 232 edges. https://networks.skewed.de/net/swingers
@mia@hcommons.social
2025-07-10 16:19:22

'the observation by Marc Dunkelman that digital technology has not obliterated our social connections but rather warped them. Americans today are in constant contact with the inner ring of family and the outer ring of "tribe"—that is, people we follow online, often because we share something in common, such as a sports allegiance or a political ideology. But the middle ring of community has atrophied. We know our online avatars better than we know our neighbors; we interact wit…

@ubuntourist@mastodon.social
2025-09-11 11:58:32

DC Department of Parks and Recreation installed a new plaque at T Street Park memorializing William Dorsey Swann, a formerly enslaved DC resident who was one of the country’s earliest advocates for LGBTQ rights.
smithsonianmag.com/history/the…

@servelan@newsie.social
2025-07-10 17:13:29

“Justice Jackson has begun looking at patterns, and noticing what types of parties tend to win, and which tend to lose. She has noticed procedural discrepancies. She has begun looking at interests, motives, and connections. She’s begun to point behind the curtain at what ‘collegiality’ obscures.”
'What's up with Justice Jackson?': Billionaires said to be 'fearful' of jurist - Raw Story
rawstory.com/ketanji-brown-jac

@arXiv_quantph_bot@mastoxiv.page
2025-08-12 11:17:43

The simplest Kochen-Specker set
Ad\'an Cabello
arxiv.org/abs/2508.07335 arxiv.org/pdf/2508.07335

@rmdes@mstdn.social
2025-07-14 16:42:30

💔 Survivre Š une dérive sectaire, c’est déjŠ un combat. Se reconstruire et chercher justice, c’est encore plus difficile. Aidons les victimes d’OKC Š faire entendre leur voix au tribunal. ⚖️ 👉 chardonsbleus.org

@inthehands@hachyderm.io
2025-07-28 00:32:05

[disclaimer: not a political scientist, just riffing here]
Plurality voting forces a two-party system. There will always be two parties (or if a third forms, the system will rapidly collapse back to two; this happened twice in US history).
The role of the two parties can change, however. Parties are coalitions, and coalitions are heterogeneous. There are lots of ways to draw lines through the myriad political interests to form two coalitions of roughly equal size. And those lines can shift.
3/

@tiotasram@kolektiva.social
2025-08-11 13:30:26

Speculative politics
As an anarchist (okay, maybe not in practice), I'm tired of hearing why we have to suffer X and Y indignity to "preserve the rule of law" or "maintain Democratic norms." So here's an example of what representative democracy (a form of government that I believe is inherently flawed) could look like if its proponents had even an ounce of imagination, and/or weren't actively trying to rig it to favor a rich donor class:
1. Unicameral legislature, where representatives pass laws directly. Each state elects 3 statewide representatives: the three most-popular candidates in a statewide race where each person votes for one candidate (ranked preference voting would be even better but might not be necessary, and is not a solution by itself). Instead of each representative getting one vote in the chamber, they get N votes, where N is the number of people who voted for them. This means that in a close race, instead of the winner getting all the power, the power is split. Having 3 representatives trades off between leisure size and ensuring that two parties can't dominate together.
2. Any individual citizen can contact their local election office to switch or withdraw their vote at any time (maybe with a 3-day delay or something). Voting power of representatives can thus shift even without an election. They are limited to choosing one of the three elected representatives, or "none of the above." If the "none of the above" fraction exceeds 20% of eligible voters, a new election is triggered for that state. If turnout is less than 80%, a second election happens immediately, with results being final even at lower turnout until 6 months later (some better mechanism for turnout management might be needed).
3. All elections allow mail-in ballots, and in-person voting happens Sunday-Tuesday with the Monday being a mandatory holiday. (Yes, election integrity is not better in this system and that's a big weakness.)
4. Separate nationwide elections elect three positions for head-of-state: one with diplomatic/administrative powers, another with military powers, and a third with veto power. For each position, the top three candidates serve together, with only the first-place winner having actual power until vote switches or withdrawals change who that is. Once one of these heads loses their first-place status, they cannot get it again until another election, even if voters switch preferences back (to avoid dithering). An election for one of these positions is triggered when 20% have withdrawn their votes, or if all three people initially elected have been disqualified by losing their lead in the vote count.
5. Laws that involve spending money are packaged with specific taxes to pay for them, and may only be paid for by those specific revenues. Each tax may be opted into or out of by each taxpayer; where possible opting out of the tax also opts you out of the service. (I'm well aware of a lot of the drawbacks of this, but also feel like they'd not necessarily be worse than the drawbacks of our current system.) A small mandatory tax would cover election expenses.
6. I'm running out of attention, but similar multi-winner elections could elect panels of judges from which a subset is chosen randomly to preside in each case.
Now I'll point out once again that this system, in not directly confronting capitalism, racism, patriarchy, etc., is probably doomed to the same failures as our current system. But if you profess to want a "representative democracy" as opposed to something more libratory, I hope you'll at least advocate for something like this that actually includes meaningful representation as opposed to the current US system that's engineered to quash it.
Key questions: "Why should we have winner-take-all elections when winners-take-proportionately-to-votes is right there?" and "Why should elected officials get to ignore their constituents' approval except during elections, when vote-withdrawal or -switching is possible?"
2/2
#Democracy

@kurtsh@mastodon.social
2025-07-09 20:18:02

Testify.
From: @…
universeodon.com/@godpod/11482

@chris@mstdn.chrisalemany.ca
2025-07-10 19:00:28

Isn't it weird how when a Federal Crown Corporation - Marine Atlantic - buys a new ship... there is nary a mention that it was built in China (#BCPoli #BCFerries

@philip@mastodon.mallegolhansen.com
2025-09-10 15:29:13

@… You gave me the idea to build something like it internally to my employer.
I see so many PowerPoints presented to clients with random redirects to shady 3rd parties.

@rmdes@mstdn.social
2025-08-14 19:01:30

⚖️ Survivre Š une secte, c’est dur. Obtenir justice, encore plus. L’instruction de l’affaire OKC-Spatz arrive Š un moment clé. Aidons 6 parties civiles Š aller jusqu’au procès. 🙏 👉 chardonsbleus.org/cagnotte-en-

@arXiv_csCL_bot@mastoxiv.page
2025-09-03 14:25:13

DRAssist: Dispute Resolution Assistance using Large Language Models
Sachin Pawar, Manoj Apte, Girish K. Palshikar, Basit Ali, Nitin Ramrakhiyani
arxiv.org/abs/2509.01962

@arXiv_csCR_bot@mastoxiv.page
2025-08-14 08:35:52

Succinct Oblivious Tensor Evaluation and Applications: Adaptively-Secure Laconic Function Evaluation and Trapdoor Hashing for All Circuits
Damiano Abram, Giulio Malavolta, Lawrence Roy
arxiv.org/abs/2508.09673

@rmdes@mstdn.social
2025-07-14 14:27:19

⚖️ Survivre Š une secte, c’est dur. Obtenir justice, encore plus. L’instruction de l’affaire OKC-Spatz arrive Š un moment clé. Aidons 6 parties civiles Š aller jusqu’au procès. 🙏 👉 chardonsbleus.org/cagnotte-en-

@Tupp_ed@mastodon.ie
2025-07-08 06:47:46

@… @… Possibly not even that. Matters in for mention can be dealt with on consent of both parties before the judge even comes out.
For example-
We settle a case but we list it as in for mention in eight weeks in case Party B…

@netzschleuder@social.skewed.de
2025-07-09 18:00:03

swingers: Swingers and parties (2013)
A bipartite sexual affiliation network representing “swing unit” couples (one node per couple) and the parties they attended.
This network has 96 nodes and 232 edges.
Tags: Social, Offline, Unweighted
networks.skewed.de/net/swingers

swingers: Swingers and parties (2013). 96 nodes, 232 edges. https://networks.skewed.de/net/swingers
@andres4ny@social.ridetrans.it
2025-09-07 22:29:33

omg parents stop getting meat pizza for your kids' bday parties.
The cheese pizza disappears in 3 seconds and everyone is left with the gross meat pizza. Every time!

@villavelius@mastodon.online
2025-09-09 12:00:24

Farage (short for Fascist Anti-democratic Rage?) may well win the next general election. One way to stand a chance to avoid that is to change the system from a first-past-the-post to a proportional one. But there is no incentive for the party in power to do so. An easier possibility, keeping the constituencies as they are, may be a 2-stage election, with the two largest parties coming out of the first to face off in the second round. Constituencies will at least have MPs with 50 % majoritie…

@Dragofix@veganism.social
2025-07-07 23:23:03

Support animal rights parties around the world!
#AnimalRights #politics

@UP8@mastodon.social
2025-07-30 21:52:58

😠 Minority government the new normal in Tasmania as voters turn away from major parties
theguardian.com/australia-news

@krone@frawas.de
2025-08-03 17:29:21

Spenden für Parties - Wiener Imam-Skandal schlägt Wellen bis in Türkei #News #Nachrichten

@evemassacre@assemblag.es
2025-08-06 09:23:12

If this Saturday you're in #Nuremberg and looking for a decent alternative to mainstream parties after this year's Pride: I'll be hosting an ORCHID night at Soft Spot and you are very welcome.
#Nürnberg #queer

@Sustainable2050@mastodon.energy
2025-08-09 13:56:02

Current polls in the Netherlands suggest dramatic losses for the four parties of the failed right-far-right coalition in the October elections: PVV VVD BBB NSC down from 88 to 52 seats, out of 150.

PVV 27 Greens/PvdA 24 CDA24 VVD 20 D66 12 ... BBB 4 ... NSC 1
@primonatura@mstdn.social
2025-09-14 17:00:04

"Reform council to ‘rescind’ climate emergency declaration"
#UK #UnitedKingdom #Climate #ClimateChange

@bourgwick@heads.social
2025-08-10 23:34:26

been loving the deep jams of the motherfuckers jmb & co. album, featuring brian/geologist from animal collective on wild hurdy-gurdy.
profile: washingtoncitypaper.com/articl

They Planned Parties and Salsa Music for July 4th.
ICE Raids Made Them Think Twice.
Some communities in the Los Angeles region canceled events over fears of immigration raids,
as Latinos grapple with how, and whether, to celebrate Independence Day.
Bell Gardens, where more than 96 percent of residents are Hispanic, is one of more than two dozen so-called Gateway Cities that make up a hub of largely Latino working-class communities.
In recent days, the mayor of …

@arXiv_csLG_bot@mastoxiv.page
2025-09-11 10:13:13

Perfectly-Private Analog Secure Aggregation in Federated Learning
Delio Jaramillo-Velez, Charul Rajput, Ragnar Freij-Hollanti, Camilla Hollanti, Alexandre Graell i Amat
arxiv.org/abs/2509.08683

@arXiv_csCR_bot@mastoxiv.page
2025-07-08 12:29:01

Hijacking JARVIS: Benchmarking Mobile GUI Agents against Unprivileged Third Parties
Guohong Liu, Jialei Ye, Jiacheng Liu, Yuanchun Li, Wei Liu, Pengzhi Gao, Jian Luan, Yunxin Liu
arxiv.org/abs/2507.04227

@tiotasram@kolektiva.social
2025-08-11 13:26:07

How the US democracy is designed to avoid representation
Right now in the US, a system which proclaims to give each citizen representation, my interests are not represented very well by most of my so-called representatives at any level of government. This is true for a majority of Americans across the political spectrum, and it happens by design. The "founding fathers" were explicit about wanting a system of government that would appear Democratic but which would keep power in the hands of rich white landowners, and they successfully designed exactly that. But how does disenfranchisement work in this system?
First, a two-party system locked in by first-post-the-post winner-takes-all elections immediately destroys representation for everyone who didn't vote for the winner, including those who didn't vote or weren't eligible to vote. Single-day non-holiday elections and prisoner disenfranchisement go a long way towards ensuring working-class people get no say, but much larger is the winner-takes all system. In fact, even people who vote for the winning candidate don't get effective representation if they're really just voting against the opponent as the greater of two evils. In a 51/49 election with 50% turnout, you've immediately ensured that ~75% of eligible voters don't get represented, and with lesser-of-two-evils voting, you create an even wider gap to wedge corporate interests into. Politicians need money to saturate their lesser-of-two-evils message far more than they need to convince any individual voter to support their policies. It's even okay if they get caught lying, cheating, or worse (cough Epstein cough) as long as the other side is also doing those things and you can freeze out new parties.
Second, by design the Senate ensures uneven representation, allowing control of the least-populous half of states to control or at least shut down the legislative process. A rough count suggests 284.6 million live in the 25 most-populous states, while only 54.8 million live in the rest. Currently, counting states with divided representation as two half-states with half as much population, 157.8 million people are represented by 53 Republican sensors, while 180.5 million people get only 45 seats of Democratic representation. This isn't an anti-Democrat bias, it's a bias towards less-populous states, whose residents get more than their share it political power.
I haven't even talked about gerrymandering yet, or family/faith-based "party loyalty," etc. Overall, the effect is that the number of people whose elected representatives meaningfully represent their interests on any given issue is vanishingly small (like, 10% of people tops), unless you happen to be rich enough to purchase lobbying power or direct access.
If we look at polls, we can see how lack of representation lets congress & the president enact many policies that go against what a majority of the population wants. Things like abortion restrictions, the current ICE raids, and Medicare cuts are deeply unpopular, but they benefit the political class and those who can buy access. These are possible because the system ensures at every step of the way that ordinary people do NOT get the one thing the system promises them: representation in the halls of power.
Okay, but is this a feature of all democracies, inherent in the nature of a majority-decides system? Not exactly...
1/2
#uspol #democracy

@rmdes@mstdn.social
2025-07-12 20:56:03

💙 Les victimes de dérives sectaires ont déjŠ fait un travail énorme en portant plainte et en devenant parties civiles. Aidons-les Š surmonter cette épreuve jusqu’Š la justice. ⚖️ 👉 chardonsbleus.org

@chris@mstdn.chrisalemany.ca
2025-07-14 15:14:06

Spousal conflit of interest issues aside for a moment... I may actually vomit if Danielle Smith's Alberta government introduces a “15-year master plan for introducing passenger trains across the province.“ when I have been advocating for this in BC for decades to absolute crickets (if not active denial) from all political parties in power.
#BCpoli #CanPoli #CdnPoli #Rail #Transportation #Sustainability
cbc.ca/news/canada/edmonton/al

@netzschleuder@social.skewed.de
2025-09-05 11:00:04

swingers: Swingers and parties (2013)
A bipartite sexual affiliation network representing “swing unit” couples (one node per couple) and the parties they attended.
This network has 96 nodes and 232 edges.
Tags: Social, Offline, Unweighted
networks.skewed.de/net/swingers

swingers: Swingers and parties (2013). 96 nodes, 232 edges. https://networks.skewed.de/net/swingers
@arXiv_csCL_bot@mastoxiv.page
2025-07-10 09:54:51

Elite Polarization in European Parliamentary Speeches: a Novel Measurement Approach Using Large Language Models
Gennadii Iakovlev
arxiv.org/abs/2507.06658

@memeorandum@universeodon.com
2025-06-22 03:01:47

Some lawmakers in both parties question the legality of Trump's Iran strikes (Sahil Kapur/NBC News)
nbcnews.com/politics/congress/
memeorandum.com/250621/p74#a25

@rmdes@mstdn.social
2025-08-13 19:31:55

💔 Les survivants d’OKC ont surmonté des défis incroyables. Ensemble, luttons pour leur droit Š la justice. Rejoignez-nous pour mettre fin Š l'impunité. 🙏 👉 chardonsbleus.org/

@Dragofix@veganism.social
2025-07-07 22:40:17

Shut Down Andgar Piggery and Demand Justice for the Surviving Pigs #AnimalRights

@arXiv_quantph_bot@mastoxiv.page
2025-09-11 09:38:13

On the CQC Conjecture
Hasan Iqbal
arxiv.org/abs/2509.08286 arxiv.org/pdf/2509.08286

@tiotasram@kolektiva.social
2025-07-28 13:06:20

How popular media gets love wrong
Now a bit of background about why I have this "engineered" model of love:
First, I'm a white straight cis man. I've got a few traits that might work against my relationship chances (e.g., neurodivergence; I generally fit pretty well into the "weird geek" stereotype), but as I was recently reminded, it's possible my experience derives more from luck than other factors, and since things are tilted more in my favor than most people on the planet, my advice could be worse than useless if it leads people towards strategies that would only have worked for someone like me. I don't *think* that's the case, but it's worth mentioning explicitly.
When I first started dating my now-wife, we were both in graduate school. I was 26, and had exactly zero dating/romantic experience though that point in my life. In other words, a pretty stereotypical "incel" although I definitely didn't subscribe to incel ideology at all. I felt lonely, and vaguely wanted a romantic relationship (I'm neither aromantic nor asexual), but had never felt socially comfortable enough to pursue one before. I don't drink and dislike most social gatherings like parties or bars; I mostly hung around the fringes of the few college parties I attended, and although I had a reasonable college social life in terms of friends, I didn't really do anything to pursue romance, feeling too awkward to know where to start. I had the beginnings of crushes in both high school and college, but never developed a really strong crush, probably correlated with not putting myself in many social situations outside of close all-male friend gatherings. I never felt remotely comfortable enough to act on any of the proto-crushes I did have. I did watch porn and masturbate, so one motivation for pursuing a relationship was physical intimacy, but loneliness was as much of a motivating factor, and of course the social pressure to date was a factor too, even though I'm quite contrarian.
When I first started dating my now-wife, we were both in graduate school. I was 26, and had exactly zero dating/romantic experience though that point in my life. In other words, a pretty stereotypical "incel" although I definitely didn't subscribe to incel ideology at all. I felt lonely, and vaguely wanted a romantic relationship (I'm neither aromantic nor asexual), but had never felt socially comfortable enough to pursue one before. I don't drink and dislike most social gatherings like parties or bars; I mostly hung around the fringes of the few college parties I attended, and although I had a reasonable college social life in terms of friends, I didn't really do anything to pursue romance, feeling too awkward to know where to start. I had the beginnings of crushes in both high school and college, but never developed a really strong crush, probably correlated with not putting myself in many social situations outside of close all-male friend gatherings. I never felt remotely comfortable enough to act on any of the proto-crushes I did have. I did watch porn and masturbate, so one motivation for pursuing a relationship was physical intimacy, but loneliness was as much of a motivating factor, and of course the social pressure to date was a factor too, even though I'm quite contrarian.
I'm lucky in that I had some mixed-gender social circles already like intramural soccer and a graduate-student housing potluck. Graduate school makes a *lot* more of these social spaces accessible, so I recognize that those not in school of some sort have a harder time of things, especially if like me they don't feel like they fit in in typical adult social spaces like bars.
However, at one point I just decided that my desire for a relationship would need action on my part and so I'd try to build a relationship and see what happened. I worked up my courage and asked one of the people in my potluck if she'd like to go for a hike (pretty much clearly a date but not explicitly one; in retrospect not the best first-date modality in a lot of ways, but it made a little more sense in our setting where we could go for a hike from our front door). To emphasize this point: I was not in love with (or even infatuated with) my now-wife at that point. I made a decision to be open to building a relationship, but didn't follow the typical romance story formula beyond that. Now of course, in real life as opposed to popular media, this isn't anything special. People ask each other out all the time just because they're lonely, and some of those relationships turn out fine (although many do not).
I was lucky in that some aspects of who I am and what I do happened to be naturally comforting to my wife (natural advantage in the "appeal" model of love) but of course there are some aspects of me that annoy my wife, and we negotiate that. In the other direction, there's some things I instantly liked about my wife, and other things that still annoy me. We've figured out how to accept a little, change a little, and overall be happy with each other (though we do still have arguments; it's not like the operation/construction/maintenance of the "love mechanism" is always perfectly smooth). In particular though, I approached the relationship with the attitude of "I want to try to build a relationship with this person," at first just because of my own desires for *any* relationship, and then gradually more and more through my desire to build *this specific* relationship as I enjoyed the rewards of companionship.
So for example, while I think my wife is objectively beautiful, she's also *subjectively* very beautiful *to me* because having decided to build a relationship with her, I actively tried to see her as beautiful, rather than trying to judge whether I wanted a relationship with her based on her beauty. In other words, our relationship is more causative of her beauty-to-me than her beauty-to-me is causative of our relationship. This is the biggest way I think the "engineered" model of love differs from the "fire" and "appeal" models: you can just decide to build love independent of factors we typically think of as engendering love (NOT independent of your partner's willingness to participate, of course), and then all of those things like "thinking your partner is beautiful" can be a result of the relationship you're building. For sure those factors might affect who is willing to try building a relationship with you in the first place, but if more people were willing to jump into relationship building (not necessarily with full commitment from the start) without worrying about those other factors, they might find that those factors can come out of the relationship instead of being prerequisites for it. I think this is the biggest failure of the "appeal" model in particular: yes you *do* need to do things that appeal to your partner, but it's not just "make myself lovable" it's also: is your partner putting in the effort to see the ways that you are beautiful/lovable/etc., or are they just expecting you to become exactly some perfect person they've imagined (and/or been told to desire by society)? The former is perfectly possible, and no less satisfying than the latter.
To cut off my rambling a bit here, I'll just add that in our progress from dating through marriage through staying-married, my wife and I have both talked at times explicitly about commitment, and especially when deciding to get married, I told her that I knew I couldn't live up to the perfect model of a husband that I'd want to be, but that if she wanted to deepen our commitment, I was happy to do that, and so we did. I also rearranged my priorities at that point, deciding that I knew I wanted to prioritize this relationship above things like my career or my research interests, and while I've not always been perfect at that in my little decisions, I've been good at holding to that in my big decisions at least. In the end, *once we had built a somewhat-committed relationship*, we had something that we both recognized was worth more than most other things in life, and that let us commit even more, thus getting even more out of it in the long term. Obviously you can't start the first date with an expectation of life-long commitment, and you need to synchronize your increasing commitment to a relationship so that it doesn't become lopsided, which is hard. But if you take the commitment as an active decision and as the *precursor* to things like infatuation, attraction, etc., you can build up to something that's incredibly strong and rewarding.
I'll follow this up with one more post trying to distill some advice from my ramblings.
#relationships #love

@rmdes@mstdn.social
2025-08-13 09:27:27

💔 Survivre Š une dérive sectaire, c’est déjŠ un combat. Se reconstruire et chercher justice, c’est encore plus difficile. Aidons les victimes d’OKC Š faire entendre leur voix au tribunal. ⚖️ 👉 chardonsbleus.org

@primonatura@mstdn.social
2025-09-08 13:00:36

"UN urges nations to submit overdue climate plans 'as soon as possible' ahead of COP30"
#UN #UnitedNations #COP30

Supreme Court will hear challenge to limits on political party spending
The Supreme Court will hear a significant campaign finance case next term
that will examine whether it violates the Constitution to restrict the amount of money that political parties can spend in coordination with individual candidates.

The national Republican senatorial and congressional committees,
then-Sen. JD Vance (R-Ohio)
and then-Rep. Steve Chabot (R-Ohio) filed suit over the limits…

@UP8@mastodon.social
2025-07-09 18:20:05

😶‍🌫️ When politicians gain power, their language becomes garbled
#politics

@netzschleuder@social.skewed.de
2025-07-02 12:00:04

swingers: Swingers and parties (2013)
A bipartite sexual affiliation network representing “swing unit” couples (one node per couple) and the parties they attended.
This network has 96 nodes and 232 edges.
Tags: Social, Offline, Unweighted
networks.skewed.de/net/swingers

swingers: Swingers and parties (2013). 96 nodes, 232 edges. https://networks.skewed.de/net/swingers
@netzschleuder@social.skewed.de
2025-08-01 07:00:04

swingers: Swingers and parties (2013)
A bipartite sexual affiliation network representing “swing unit” couples (one node per couple) and the parties they attended.
This network has 96 nodes and 232 edges.
Tags: Social, Offline, Unweighted
networks.skewed.de/net/swingers

swingers: Swingers and parties (2013). 96 nodes, 232 edges. https://networks.skewed.de/net/swingers
@rmdes@mstdn.social
2025-07-12 17:52:00

Allez, on se rapproche du but ! Il nous manque seulement 3040 € pour clôturer cette facture d'avocats pour nos 6 parties civiles. Ta contribution compte ! 💪
1/2

This year's federal budget runs out September 30,
and although lawmakers from both parties have signaled they will reject most of Trump's cuts, it's far from certain that Congress will pass a budget for the next fiscal year before the looming deadline.
The Trump administration, meanwhile, has directed NASA managers to make plans to close out missions tagged for cancellation.
Without specific congressional direction, the White House would have a clear hand at imp…

@primonatura@mstdn.social
2025-07-26 10:00:50

"Labour must create green jobs or lose voters to parties who oppose net zero, unions warn"
#UK #UnitedKingdom #NetZero

@rmdes@mstdn.social
2025-09-12 09:29:32

⚠️ Les survivant-es d’OKC se battent contre un système judiciaire lent et souvent violent pour les victimes. Aidons-les Š franchir cette épreuve et Š porter leur affaire jusqu’au procès. 🙏 👉 chardonsbleus.org/

@arXiv_csCR_bot@mastoxiv.page
2025-07-10 09:42:41

Subgraph Counting under Edge Local Differential Privacy Based on Noisy Adjacency Matrix
Jintao Guo, Ying Zhou, Chao Li, Guixun Luo
arxiv.org/abs/2507.06508

@netzschleuder@social.skewed.de
2025-06-28 13:00:04

swingers: Swingers and parties (2013)
A bipartite sexual affiliation network representing “swing unit” couples (one node per couple) and the parties they attended.
This network has 96 nodes and 232 edges.
Tags: Social, Offline, Unweighted
networks.skewed.de/net/swingers

swingers: Swingers and parties (2013). 96 nodes, 232 edges. https://networks.skewed.de/net/swingers
@rmdes@mstdn.social
2025-08-11 19:25:58

⚖️ 6 parties civiles se battent pour la justice dans l’affaire OKC-Spatz. iElles n’ont pas les moyens de payer leurs avocats. Chardons Bleus est lŠ pour les soutenir. Aidons-les Š poursuivre leur combat ! votre don peut faire la différence 💙 👉 chardonsbleus.org/dons

@netzschleuder@social.skewed.de
2025-06-27 16:00:05

swingers: Swingers and parties (2013)
A bipartite sexual affiliation network representing “swing unit” couples (one node per couple) and the parties they attended.
This network has 96 nodes and 232 edges.
Tags: Social, Offline, Unweighted
networks.skewed.de/net/swingers

swingers: Swingers and parties (2013). 96 nodes, 232 edges. https://networks.skewed.de/net/swingers
@rmdes@mstdn.social
2025-08-11 15:37:09

⚠️ Les survivant-es d’OKC se battent contre un système judiciaire lent et souvent violent pour les victimes. Aidons-les Š franchir cette épreuve et Š porter leur affaire jusqu’au procès. 🙏 👉 chardonsbleus.org/

@netzschleuder@social.skewed.de
2025-07-27 21:00:04

swingers: Swingers and parties (2013)
A bipartite sexual affiliation network representing “swing unit” couples (one node per couple) and the parties they attended.
This network has 96 nodes and 232 edges.
Tags: Social, Offline, Unweighted
networks.skewed.de/net/swingers

swingers: Swingers and parties (2013). 96 nodes, 232 edges. https://networks.skewed.de/net/swingers
@rmdes@mstdn.social
2025-07-11 17:42:15

⚠️ Les survivant-es d’OKC se battent contre un système judiciaire lent et souvent violent pour les victimes. Aidons-les Š franchir cette épreuve et Š porter leur affaire jusqu’au procès. 🙏 👉 chardonsbleus.org/

@rmdes@mstdn.social
2025-07-11 11:29:02

🌟 Chardons Bleus relève un défi immense. Offrir aux victimes d’OKC la chance d’aller jusqu’au procès. Sans financement, leur voix restera inaudible. Soutenons-les dès maintenant. 💙 👉 chardonsbleus.org

@rmdes@mstdn.social
2025-07-12 07:45:29

Dépasser le vécu et les traumas d'une secte peut être un défi, mais obtenir justice l'est encore plus. L'information sur l'affaire OKC-Spatz est essentielle. Soutenons les 6 parties civiles dans leurs quête de vérité. 🙏 Découvrez comment vous pouvez aider ici : 👉 chardonsbleus.org/cagnotte-en-

@netzschleuder@social.skewed.de
2025-07-24 19:00:04

swingers: Swingers and parties (2013)
A bipartite sexual affiliation network representing “swing unit” couples (one node per couple) and the parties they attended.
This network has 96 nodes and 232 edges.
Tags: Social, Offline, Unweighted
networks.skewed.de/net/swingers

swingers: Swingers and parties (2013). 96 nodes, 232 edges. https://networks.skewed.de/net/swingers
@netzschleuder@social.skewed.de
2025-07-23 19:00:03

swingers: Swingers and parties (2013)
A bipartite sexual affiliation network representing “swing unit” couples (one node per couple) and the parties they attended.
This network has 96 nodes and 232 edges.
Tags: Social, Offline, Unweighted
networks.skewed.de/net/swingers

swingers: Swingers and parties (2013). 96 nodes, 232 edges. https://networks.skewed.de/net/swingers
@netzschleuder@social.skewed.de
2025-06-22 16:00:04

swingers: Swingers and parties (2013)
A bipartite sexual affiliation network representing “swing unit” couples (one node per couple) and the parties they attended.
This network has 96 nodes and 232 edges.
Tags: Social, Offline, Unweighted
networks.skewed.de/net/swingers

swingers: Swingers and parties (2013). 96 nodes, 232 edges. https://networks.skewed.de/net/swingers
@rmdes@mstdn.social
2025-09-09 11:52:01

> 7 ans après ce post.
30 ans après les faits.
En France, les victimes engagées en tant que parties civiles attendent toujours que la justice bouge.
Le dossier OKC-Spatz a été rouvert en 2021. Depuis ?
Silence.
La Belgique a jugé.
L’Espagne a protégé Spatz.

@netzschleuder@social.skewed.de
2025-07-21 18:00:04

swingers: Swingers and parties (2013)
A bipartite sexual affiliation network representing “swing unit” couples (one node per couple) and the parties they attended.
This network has 96 nodes and 232 edges.
Tags: Social, Offline, Unweighted
networks.skewed.de/net/swingers

swingers: Swingers and parties (2013). 96 nodes, 232 edges. https://networks.skewed.de/net/swingers
@rmdes@mstdn.social
2025-08-09 19:30:35

> 7 ans après ce post.
30 ans après les faits.
En France, les victimes engagées en tant que parties civiles attendent toujours que la justice bouge.
Le dossier OKC-Spatz a été rouvert en 2021. Depuis ?
Silence.
La Belgique a jugé.
L’Espagne a protégé Spatz.

@rmdes@mstdn.social
2025-08-03 19:19:15

💙 Les victimes de dérives sectaires ont déjŠ fait un travail énorme en portant plainte et en devenant parties civiles. Aidons-les Š surmonter cette épreuve jusqu’Š la justice. ⚖️ 👉 chardonsbleus.org

@netzschleuder@social.skewed.de
2025-07-21 08:00:03

swingers: Swingers and parties (2013)
A bipartite sexual affiliation network representing “swing unit” couples (one node per couple) and the parties they attended.
This network has 96 nodes and 232 edges.
Tags: Social, Offline, Unweighted
networks.skewed.de/net/swingers

swingers: Swingers and parties (2013). 96 nodes, 232 edges. https://networks.skewed.de/net/swingers
@rmdes@mstdn.social
2025-07-09 19:29:00

🚧 L’accès Š la justice est un combat. Encore plus pour des survivant-es de dérives sectaires. Aidons-les Š surmonter cet obstacle et Š voir leur dossier avancer. Chaque don compte ! 💙 👉 chardonsbleus.org

@rmdes@mstdn.social
2025-07-09 17:10:19

💔 Les survivants d’OKC ont surmonté des défis incroyables. Ensemble, luttons pour leur droit Š la justice. Rejoignez-nous pour mettre fin Š l'impunité. 🙏 👉 chardonsbleus.org/

@netzschleuder@social.skewed.de
2025-08-18 15:00:03

swingers: Swingers and parties (2013)
A bipartite sexual affiliation network representing “swing unit” couples (one node per couple) and the parties they attended.
This network has 96 nodes and 232 edges.
Tags: Social, Offline, Unweighted
networks.skewed.de/net/swingers

swingers: Swingers and parties (2013). 96 nodes, 232 edges. https://networks.skewed.de/net/swingers
@rmdes@mstdn.social
2025-07-03 15:34:01

Un procès est essentiel, mais le financement est crucial pour faire entendre leur voix. Soutenons les 6 parties civiles de l’affaire OKC-Spatz pour obtenir justice. 💙 👉 chardonsbleus.org/

@netzschleuder@social.skewed.de
2025-08-16 21:00:04

swingers: Swingers and parties (2013)
A bipartite sexual affiliation network representing “swing unit” couples (one node per couple) and the parties they attended.
This network has 96 nodes and 232 edges.
Tags: Social, Offline, Unweighted
networks.skewed.de/net/swingers

swingers: Swingers and parties (2013). 96 nodes, 232 edges. https://networks.skewed.de/net/swingers
@rmdes@mstdn.social
2025-08-08 11:33:40

🚧 L’accès Š la justice est un combat. Encore plus pour des survivant-es de dérives sectaires. Aidons-les Š surmonter cet obstacle et Š voir leur dossier avancer. Chaque don compte ! 💙 👉 chardonsbleus.org

@rmdes@mstdn.social
2025-07-07 18:04:52

⚖️ 6 parties civiles se battent pour la justice dans l’affaire OKC-Spatz. iElles n’ont pas les moyens de payer leurs avocats. Chardons Bleus est lŠ pour les soutenir. Aidons-les Š poursuivre leur combat ! votre don peut faire la différence 💙 👉 chardonsbleus.org/dons

@rmdes@mstdn.social
2025-08-07 15:29:24

🌟 Chardons Bleus relève un défi immense. Offrir aux victimes d’OKC la chance d’aller jusqu’au procès. Sans financement, leur voix restera inaudible. Soutenons-les dès maintenant. 💙 👉 chardonsbleus.org

@rmdes@mstdn.social
2025-07-07 15:35:55

⚖️ Survivre Š une secte, c’est dur. Obtenir justice, encore plus. L’instruction de l’affaire OKC-Spatz arrive Š un moment clé. Aidons 6 parties civiles Š aller jusqu’au procès. 🙏 👉 chardonsbleus.org/cagnotte-en-

@rmdes@mstdn.social
2025-09-05 09:32:37

⚖️ 6 parties civiles se battent pour la justice dans l’affaire OKC-Spatz. iElles n’ont pas les moyens de payer leurs avocats. Chardons Bleus est lŠ pour les soutenir. Aidons-les Š poursuivre leur combat ! votre don peut faire la différence 💙 👉 chardonsbleus.org/dons

@rmdes@mstdn.social
2025-09-06 19:47:25

⚖️ Survivre Š une secte, c’est dur. Obtenir justice, encore plus. L’instruction de l’affaire OKC-Spatz arrive Š un moment clé. Aidons 6 parties civiles Š aller jusqu’au procès. 🙏 👉 chardonsbleus.org/cagnotte-en-