Concrete Jungle II 🏗️
水泥丛林 II 🏗️
📷 Pentax MX
🎞️ Ilford HP5 Plus, expired 1993
#filmphotography #Photography #blackandwhite
How popular media gets love wrong
Had some thoughts in response to a post about loneliness on here. As the author emphasized, reassurances from people who got lucky are not terribly comforting to those who didn't, especially when the person who was lucky had structural factors in their favor that made their chances of success much higher than those is their audience. So: these are just my thoughts, and may not have any bearing on your life. I share them because my experience challenged a lot of the things I was taught to believe about love, and I think my current beliefs are both truer and would benefit others seeing companionship.
We're taught in many modern societies from an absurdly young age that love is not something under our control, and that dating should be a process of trying to kindle love with different people until we meet "the one" with whom it takes off. In the slightly-less-fairytale corners of modern popular media, we might fund an admission that it's possible to influence love, feeding & tending the fire in better or worse ways. But it's still modeled as an uncontrollable force of nature, to be occasionally influenced but never tamed. I'll call this the "fire" model of love.
We're also taught (and non-boys are taught more stringently) a second contradictory model of love: that in a relationship, we need to both do things and be things in order to make our partner love us, and that if we don't, our partner's love for us will wither, and (especially if you're not a boy) it will be our fault. I'll call this the "appeal" model of love.
Now obviously both of these cannot be totally true at once, and plenty of popular media centers this contradiction, but there are really very few competing models on offer.
In my experience, however, it's possible to have "pre-meditated" love. In other words, to decide you want to love someone (or at least, try loving them), commit to that idea, and then actually wind up in love with them (and them with you, although obviously this second part is not directly under your control). I'll call this the "engineered" model of love.
Now, I don't think that the "fire" and "appeal" models of love are totally wrong, but I do feel their shortcomings often suggest poor & self-destructive relationship strategies. I do think the "fire" model is a decent model for *infatuation*, which is something a lot of popular media blur into love, and which drives many (but not all) of the feelings we normally associate with love (even as those feelings have other possible drivers too). I definitely experienced strong infatuation early on in my engineered relationship (ugh that sounds terrible but I'll stick with it; I promise no deception was involved). I continue to experience mild infatuation years later that waxes and wanes. It's not a stable foundation for a relationship but it can be a useful component of one (this at least popular media depicts often).
I'll continue these thoughts in a reply, by it might take a bit to get to it.
#relationships
I'm not the target audience, but that second paragraph hit me in the gut
"But for many of us, the first real injustices that mattered to us, that ripped our hearts out, weren't the failings of our parents' relationships, or the boys we crushed on who didn't love us, but the Black girls who we wanted to see us and be- friend us instead either ignored or bullied us."
Here are two of the #photos of last Saturday's hike. We went to the #wallberg above the #tegernsee .
Usually it's a quite crowded way because it's easily reachable and really very sc…
Court filing: Elon Musk's lawyers ask a US judge to block OpenAI from obtaining documents from Meta related to a previous $97.4B bid for OpenAI's assets (Shubham Kalia/Reuters)
https://www.reuters.com/business/musks-law
Abstract Landscapes
(Bernina range, on the approach to Lago di Fellaria, Sep 2025)
Everything about this place is so special: the road to the trailhead (with 1700m elevation gain), the scale of the majestic ~4000er (meters) mountains with their glaciated peaks. Observing the different levels/layers of this upper valley where the glaciers have already mostly receded, the parts which have been flooded with a reservoir (slowly drying out), the equally spectacular & tragic waterfa…
I am flummoxed at this sign next to a parking lot for a walking trail. I thought this could be just superfluous quotes, but... it's a parking lot? Then I just thought, do they mean no making out after dark? #scandlous
Concrete Jungle 🏗️
水泥丛林 🏗️
📷 Pentax MX
🎞️ Ilford HP5 Plus, expired 1993
#filmphotography #Photography #blackandwhite
Foggy fog 🌫️
雾雾的雾 🌫️
📷 Pentax MX
🎞️ Ilford HP5 Plus, expired 1993
#filmphotography #Photography #blackandwhite