Tootfinder

After the whole Adam Something "dating advice for leftist men" thing, I realized I should probably write something about that. I didn't, but I realized I should. Here I am sort of getting around to it.
I had a friend call me an "elder" at one point. I was like 35 at that time, but like... a lot of old leftists are just dead or in prison, so we take what we can get I guess. Being also an elder in the sense that I'm an elder millennial, who is also a parent and married for almost 10 years and all that, I guess I'm technically qualified.
So here it is, dating advice for (straight cis) leftist men:
1. Don't.
That's it, actually. That's the whole thing. Let me explain a bit.
First of all, this is dating advice for neuroatypical folks. We're way overrepresented in both extremes because this system wasn't built for us. And that's who is *the most* confused by all the relationship stuff, and most likely to try to apply all this masculinity/manosphere bullshit. I'm also talking a bit from experience here, as a neruo-spicy trying to "figure out" how to date within a paradigm entirely built around neurotypicals and their relationships. It's garbage. Throw it out. There's nothing worth saving.
His video had some line comparing not having sex to your house being on fire. I'm not gonna bother to quote it because I'm busy with actual life. But like, that's exactly what I'm talking about. I recognize that and it's horribly destructive. Men who buy in to patriarchy actually believe this, because those men value themselves based on (hetro) sex. Yeah, if you think you're worthless because you aren't "getting laid" then yeah, you're gonna feel like that's an emergency.
"Dating" as a paradigm turns humans into roles. It dehumanizes us all, and thus makes human connection much harder. It is a game that, like thermonuclear war, can only be won by not playing.
When you abandon "dating" and just act like a human, everything starts to be easier. There's no such thing as being "friend zoned" because you're just friends. Sometimes friendships become other things, sometimes they don't. It doesn't actually matter, because if you're actually there for friendship then you don't *need* anything else.
My grandma, at 98 I think, gave me some advice. My grandparents always got along well, and were married for enough decades that I listened really closely. She told me I should just do things I loved to do and everything else would work itself out.
And it kind of did.
I understand the fear, the idea that you'll die alone. I get that. I get the loneliness. It all hits a lot harder when you have ADHD emotions and past trauma. I get that. But that fear is self-manifesting. When you build your confidence, when you don't *need* to be "in a relationship," you have more room to actually build relationships. For me, dating was dehumanizing. When I abandoned that, I was able to actually be a good partner, and I was able to find my partner.
I would advise against marriage as well, but we did get married for legal reasons. It can still be hard to maintain that, to see each other as people rather than roles. That becomes extra hard as parents. But the times that we cut through that are the times we're closest. Those are the times when it becomes easier to remember that we're both humans and all human relationships need tending.
Roles don't need to be tended because they are classifications. Classifications are static. But relationships between humans are not. Humans are messy and chaotic. Humans have all kinds of complex needs and desires.
So yeah, don't date. Just be a human and see what happens. Maybe google "relationship anarchy" and see where it takes you.
If you have ADHD, it can be especially useful to understand that relationships with neurotypical folks can be especially difficult. Assume you're incompatible with 90% of the population as your baseline, and you'll start to understand why the standard "dating" thing has made you feel so alienated and miserable.
Neurotypical folks generally have no idea that atypicality exists, much less how it impacts relationships. Having to conform to a neurotypical relationship just adds additional mental strain unless you find someone (really special) who can do at least some of the work.
The ADHD thing was especially important for me. There were so many things I was told to do in specific ways by neurotypicals that never worked for me. Their advice always made me feel like a failure. When I was finally diagnosed, I realized they were just giving advice for the wrong type of brain. It was advice I could never use. Basically all dating advice I ever got fell into this same category.
That's my braindump. Maybe I'll develop it more in the future, but I'm busy so maybe not. I hope it helps someone who is struggling like I was.

Cool, von @… gibt es ebenfalls eine Jahresrückschau :) Sogar mit Alt-Text-Generator für die SharePics. Gefällt mir.
In den Top 10 habe ich noch #LinkinPark und #Moderat

RE: https://todon.eu/@meanmicio/115938212384332293
Heck, I even made a house call to their parliament but I might as well have stayed at home for all the good it did so I wouldn’t hold my breath. It’s not that they don’t know, it’s that their whole framing is t…

RE: https://hachyderm.io/@rationaldoge/116116583354261712
Is it OK to call them concentration camps yet?
Or do we have to wait until they all get built?
Until they get filled?
Until they become death camps?
Please, if you object to the term “concentration camp” right now, clearly identify your bright line for when that term becomes acceptable.

But also, don't just rely on primaries. Go hound them, right now. Go picket their offices. Figure out where they live and protest at their houses. If they're spotted in restaurants, call them the fuck out for being Nazi collaborators. Make them regret ever casting their vote.
https://<…

Charles Gaba ✡️ (@charlesgaba.com)
FWIW: Golden is retiring. The filing deadline has passed in NC; Davis is the only Dem running. The filing deadline has passed in TX; Gonzalez & Cuellar both have primary opponents. Gillen has several Dem opponents as well, as does Perez. If you want to primary Suozzi, you still have until 3/30.

Good evening!
Here's a photo similar to one of my last - but this time without the stranger in the photo.
this spot was really pretty cool that day! with the fog and frost. Sometimes a person walking by ... there so many different .. hm moods/motives/situations to capture - just in a single spot.
Anyways, I hope you like it and don't see it as .. intimidating/strange as the one with the stranger in it ;)

Worked with an #acting #coaching client on material that isn't very optimistic on the page, but when I ask them to fight for a happy ending with the words, it gained an immediacy, they had a spontaneity I never expected and couldn't take my eyes off of. Counterpoint can be so cool.

¿Así que hoy había una fila de cuadras para entrar al Mall Costanera? 😬
¿Tanta es la necesidad de consumismo navideño? Si yo me pillo con una fila así me devuelvo. Imagino el infierno que debe ser adentro de ese centro comercial.
#Chile #EspirituNavideño

What @… says is what a lot of us have been lamenting since the ICE invasion started. Shouldn’t local police protect citizens from ICE?? Why this hasn’t happened is a really good question. Factors to consider:
- “Obstructing a federal agent” is illegal, and local police / politicians feel constrained by that (even if the agents themselves don’t seem constrained by the actual law at all, only by what they think they can get away with)
- Police can in theory cite federal agents for e.g. traffic violations or illegal plate swapping after the fact, as long as they’re not “obstructing” the agents — but how do you cite a masked person with fake plates who refuses to give ID?
- Some police are visibly supportive of ICE, chumming it up with them and giving literal fist bumps; a nontrivial subset are outright closet Nazis. A lot of people don’t really see any need to go past “ACAB” as a full explanation for all of this — and certainly The ACAB Hypothesis is…um, not really being proved false right now in Minneapolis.
- I think some police quietly resent ICE for stepping on their turf, but that does not seem to have boiled up into actual confrontation in MSP. One police leader here painted it in early Dec as “some people want to instigate a confrontation between Minneapolis Police, and that’s not going to happen.” Police culture says that police should be a neutral party in a dispute between ICE and residents, and actually protecting residents would be taking sides. (Duh, yes, taking sides that way is your literal job, you dumbasses…but I digress.)
- Some police (especially leadership) really want to get on the community’s good side after the murder of George Floyd, and see this as an opportunity, but unfortunately this has materialized entirely as non-interventionist support: “We responded to a 911 call and help a distressed resident after her husband was abducted!” “We transported children left parentless on the streets by ICE safely back to their home!” “Our officers volunteered at the food shelf!” OK, nice, good for you buddy.
So yeah, I’m wondering this too, and am bitter about it. https://tilde.zone/@n1xnx/115928447564126393

To be clear: I have no realistic expectation any Senator would actually attempt to zero out the DHS budget. I just want to set a baseline for them, move the Overton Window, give them a taste of how angry the population is.
Yes yes yes, Reply Armada, “oh those terrible Democrats yada yada,” I know, I know. I am •not• waiting for politicians to save us.
I am also, however, quite ready to exercise political leverage and use politicians as our tools whenever I think that has a nonzero chance of being useful. Make that call — then back to the rest of the work.