
2025-05-31 00:56:29
Inside the split between MAGA and the Federalist Society - POLITICO
https://archive.is/20250530230441/https://www.politico.com/news/2025/05/30/trump-federalist-society-leonard-leo-maga-00378303#selection-749.66-749.122
Inside the split between MAGA and the Federalist Society - POLITICO
https://archive.is/20250530230441/https://www.politico.com/news/2025/05/30/trump-federalist-society-leonard-leo-maga-00378303#selection-749.66-749.122
A Society Governed by Whiny Rich People Throwing Tantrums https://jacobin.com/2025/07/ultrarich-oligarchy-capital-flight-mamdani/
💯🔥: “Capital flight is an important political and economic question for anyone thinking about legislating as a lefti…
Congratulations to Dr. Caleb Oladipo '88 S.T.M. on his election to the American Theological Society! https://news.campbell.edu/articles/oladipo-elected-to-prestigious-american-theological-society/
There’s something deeply wrong with a society that watches people get snatched by masked men in unmarked cars & looks the other way.
Rep @kamlager-dove.house.gov, describes an alarming system of relocating detainees, making it nearly impossible for their families to find them or get legal counsel.
https://
Earth Overshoot Day Reaches Record for Earliest Date #society
Pamela Alma Weymouth, Katharine Graham's granddaughter, says The Washington Post is at risk under Jeff Bezos and urges him to keep his promise to defend it (Pamela Alma Weymouth/The Nation)
https://www.thenation.com/article/society/t…
⭐️Trump, Bashed the Federalist Society
(Not Corrupt Enough),
Asserts Autonomy on Judge Picks
⭐️Felon growns increasingly angry at court rulings blocking parts of his agenda,
including by judges he appointed
https://www.
On Thursday 03.07. I'll have the honor of giving a talk with @… on "Fascist AI" in the "Loops" series of events (https://www.newpractice.net/loops
How fucked up UK society is? The Royal National Lifeboat Institution (which is volunteer run and afaict doesn't receive any form of support, financial or other, from the Royal family beyond the stupid name-prefix), is being bashed for *checks notes* saving lives on sea because the literal Nazis don't appreciate who's being saved:
«RNLI crew makes no apologies for saving migrants' lives in English Channel»
https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c8dejyg4l37o
EVENT: International Catacomb Society Online Panel with Recent Shohet Grant Recipients (August 5) https://networks.h-net.org/group/announcements/20071858/international-catacomb-society-online-panel-recent-shohet-grant…
Hey vote for my cat!
(*if you can spare the cash & want to support Pasadena Humane Society) #caturday
https://gogo.photo/589235
Hey vote for my cat!
(*if you can spare the cash & want to support Pasadena Humane Society) #caturday
https://gogo.photo/589235
These Federated Farmer folks need to be neutralised as a political force - they're pushing this 'backbone of the economy' narrative. In fact, the 'murdering the country' narrative is more appropriate. The only thing most of them are doing is receiving profits in the form of future subsidies from the rest of society because they're externalising their costs while privatising their profits. They're the opposite of a backbone.
Trump, Bashing the Federalist Society, Asserts Autonomy on Judge Picks (Charlie Savage/New York Times)
https://www.nytimes.com/2025/05/30/us/politics/trump-judges-nominations.html?unlocked_article_code=1.LU8.67al.TV7M3LuXBybz&smid=url-share
http://www.memeorandum.com/250531/p11#a250531p11
Those hot MILFs in my neighborhood? Turns out they're the Red Hat Society!
Bevan M. French (1937-2025) :: Meteoritical Society
Bevan worked on impact science "at a time when impacts on the Earth were not considered mainstream – or even possible." #geology
https://meteo…
Teach Us Consent
Great Australian Pods Podcast Directory: #GreatAusPods
'We all hear what society is saying' — Zelensky vows anti-corruption plan within 2 weeks amid backlash over controversial bill: https://benborges.xyz/2025/07/23/we-all-hear-what-society.html
Anarchists: often said to be frighteningly violent and/or unhinged because maybe a handful of times in the nineteenth and twentieth centuries they used bombs or guns to target literal blood-soaked tyrants and help usher in the end of feudalism.
People who manufacture, sell, buy, and use guns and bombs daily to kill another nation's conscripted commoners along with a healthy dose of completely innocent civilians, who perpetuate genocide and other war crimes every year: heroes, I guess? "Civilized?" "Great leaders."
The distinction of course is that one obeys the "rules of society" about who it's okay to wantonly murder (whose "lives matter," in fact) while the other does not, and you've been trained to believe that anyone who violates those rules must not have any principles at all. All along, the rules have been crap.
#anarchy
Replaced article(s) found for cs.CY. https://arxiv.org/list/cs.CY/new
[1/1]:
- Information Fusion in Multimodal IoT Systems for physical activity level monitoring
Mohsen Shirali, Zahra Ahmadi, Jose-Luis Bayo-Monton, Zoe Valero-Ramon, Carlos Fernandez-Llatas
“When you have an extended period of prosperity with no existential war, there’s no cleansing function..."
Elon Musk Keeps Suggesting War Is a Good Thing for Society
https://gizmodo.com/elon-musk-keeps-suggesting-war-is-a-good-thing-for-society-2000635780
Can LLMs Reason About Trust?: A Pilot Study
Anushka Debnath, Stephen Cranefield, Emiliano Lorini, Bastin Tony Roy Savarimuthu
https://arxiv.org/abs/2507.21075 https://
Technical debt to society
Technical debtor's prisons
I've been a member of the RSGS for almost 30 years and still never visited the Fair Maid's house. Maybe I should 🤔 It looks lovely...
https://mastodon.social/@Infoseepage/114751023629030656
Infoseepage@mastodon.social - Today I walked into Perth and visited the Scottish Geographic Society's digs in the Fair Maid's House. It was, in its heyday, a sort of Scottish adventurers club. They've got an interesting reference library and an overstuffed map room. Ernest Shackleton was briefly secretary of the society and they have some of his stuff on display.
Replaced article(s) found for physics.soc-ph. https://arxiv.org/list/physics.soc-ph/new
[1/1]:
- A Weighted-Median Model of Opinion Dynamics on Networks
Lasse Mohr, Poul G. Hjorth, Mason A. Porter
Steelers QB Aaron Rodgers vows to keep new marriage out 'public eye,' slams 'sick society'
https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/steeler
One of the few encouraging things to hear in the political news these days is to see society dipping its toe into the "find out" phase of this disaster.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1wjaRZites
It is amazing how much of MAGA hangs on personal loyalty to a decaying corpse. But history is full of the bones of narcissistic sociopaths who thought they'd live forever. What's next? President Eyeliner? President Naziferatu? Sure, the sickness in American society is widespread, but who steps in when he's gone?
DNA from Prehistoric Proto-City Reveals 'Surprising' Signs of Female-Centered Society https://www.404media.co/dna-from-prehistoric-proto-city-reveals-surprising-signs-of-female-centered-society/
"Royal Society suggested to Elon Musk he consider resigning science fellowship"
https://www.theguardian.com/science/2025/jul/17/royal-society-elon-musk-resign-science-fellowship-tesla
... but when he ignored that they just…
re the The fuckity-fuck cycle -
Reminds me of the" 1950s in the United States are often characterized by a strong emphasis on conformity, particularly within the white, middle-class society. This era saw the rise of the suburbs, with mass-produced homes and consumer goods, reinforcing a sense of sameness."
via @…
Electrochemically-driven formation of Intermetallic Cu3ZnLi2 alters Li-transport in nanostructured bimetallic battery anode
Eric V. Woods (Max Planck Institute for Sustainable Materials, D\"usseldorf, Germany), Xinren Chen (Max Planck Institute for Sustainable Materials, D\"usseldorf, Germany), Yuwei Zhang (Max Planck Institute for Sustainable Materials, D\"usseldorf, Germany), J. Manoj Prabhakar (Max Planck Institute for Sustainable Materials, D\"usseldorf, Germany…
- Don’t overlook how misogyny amplifies the harm of this breach: user base is mostly female, and one can’t understand how this release of photos personal info home addresses carries threats of harassment, assault, and violence without understanding how our society targets women. In a very concrete sense, you need gender theory to understand the practical security implications here.
2/2
@…
Replaced article(s) found for cs.CY. https://arxiv.org/list/cs.CY/new
[1/1]:
- Fairness and Bias in Algorithmic Hiring: a Multidisciplinary Survey
Fabris, Baranowska, Dennis, Graus, Hacker, Saldivar, Borgesius, Biega
Just read this post by @… on an optimistic AGI future, and while it had some interesting and worthwhile ideas, it's also in my opinion dangerously misguided, and plays into the current AGI hype in a harmful way.
https://social.coop/@eloquence/114940607434005478
My criticisms include:
- Current LLM technology has many layers, but the biggest most capable models are all tied to corporate datacenters and require inordinate amounts of every and water use to run. Trying to use these tools to bring about a post-scarcity economy will burn up the planet. We urgently need more-capable but also vastly more efficient AI technologies if we want to use AI for a post-scarcity economy, and we are *not* nearly on the verge of this despite what the big companies pushing LLMs want us to think.
- I can see that permacommons.org claims a small level of expenses on AI equates to low climate impact. However, given current deep subsidies on place by the big companies to attract users, that isn't a great assumption. The fact that their FAQ dodges the question about which AI systems they use isn't a great look.
- These systems are not free in the same way that Wikipedia or open-source software is. To run your own model you need a data harvesting & cleaning operation that costs millions of dollars minimum, and then you need millions of dollars worth of storage & compute to train & host the models. Right now, big corporations are trying to compete for market share by heavily subsidizing these things, but it you go along with that, you become dependent on them, and you'll be screwed when they jack up the price to a profitable level later. I'd love to see open dataset initiatives SBD the like, and there are some of these things, but not enough yet, and many of the initiatives focus on one problem while ignoring others (fine for research but not the basis for a society yet).
- Between the environmental impacts, the horrible labor conditions and undercompensation of data workers who filter the big datasets, and the impacts of both AI scrapers and AI commons pollution, the developers of the most popular & effective LLMs have a lot of answer for. This project only really mentions environmental impacts, which makes me think that they're not serious about ethics, which in turn makes me distrustful of the whole enterprise.
- Their language also ends up encouraging AI use broadly while totally ignoring several entire classes of harm, so they're effectively contributing to AI hype, especially with such casual talk of AGI and robotics as if embodied AGI were just around the corner. To be clear about this point: we are several breakthroughs away from AGI under the most optimistic assumptions, and giving the impression that those will happen soon plays directly into the hands of the Sam Altmans of the world who are trying to make money off the impression of impending huge advances in AI capabilities. Adding to the AI hype is irresponsible.
- I've got a more philosophical criticism that I'll post about separately.
I do think that the idea of using AI & other software tools, possibly along with robotics and funded by many local cooperatives, in order to make businesses obsolete before they can do the same to all workers, is a good one. Get your local library to buy a knitting machine alongside their 3D printer.
Lately I've felt too busy criticizing AI to really sit down and think about what I do want the future to look like, even though I'm a big proponent of positive visions for the future as a force multiplier for criticism, and this article is inspiring to me in that regard, even if the specific project doesn't seem like a good one.
“The society said any judgments it issued that were potentially seen as political would do ‘more harm than good.’”
The Royal Society has already made a political announcement: that it is perfectly fine with fascism and having fascists as fellows. As far as political statements go, it doesn’t get any stronger than that. The only thing they could do to make their point clearer is if they hang a “Nazi Bar” sign above their headquarters.
This post¹ from @… basically explains everything that's wrong with our society.
Get rid of those people² and things will improve.
__
¹https://mastodon.oysta.au/@oys…
This https://arxiv.org/abs/2410.08948 has been replaced.
initial toot: https://mastoxiv.page/@arXiv_csMA_…
EVENT: International Catacomb Society Online Panel with Recent Shohet Grant Recipients (August 5)
https://ift.tt/mVwsQvc
TOC: Dutch Crossing: Journal of Low Countries Studies, vol. 46, no. 3 (March 2022) Dutch…
via Input 4 RELCFP
The Supreme Court's Birthright Citizenship Ruling Is a 5-Alarm Catastrophe (Elie Mystal/The Nation)
https://www.thenation.com/article/society/supreme-court-birthright-citizenship-ruling-trump-v-casa/
http://www.memeorandum.com/250627/p145#a250627p145
AI-Driven Spatial Distribution Dynamics: A Comprehensive Theoretical and Empirical Framework for Analyzing Productivity Agglomeration Effects in Japan's Aging Society
Tatsuru Kikuchi
https://arxiv.org/abs/2507.19911
The Israeli Sociological Society was suspended from cooperation w/ the International Sociological Association. #ISS #Sociology This sends “a problematic signal by isolating academic organizations under political pressure instead of protecting them.”
👇
Strategic Motivators for Ethical AI System Development: An Empirical and Holistic Model
Muhammad Azeem Akbar, Arif Ali Khan, Saima Rafi, Damian Kedziora, Sami Hyrynsalmi
https://arxiv.org/abs/2507.20218
Annual DC Privacy Forum: Convening Top Voices in Governance in the Digital Age
https://fpf.org/blog/annual-dc-privacy-forum-convening-top-voices-in-governance-in-the-digital-age/
@…
Alas, too late for members of the current United States mis-administration.
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2025/may/21/world-first-gonorrhoea-vaccine-rollout-england
I'm looking forward to discussing 'What can heritage do for society in the future?' at the '20 years of Sustainable Heritage at UCL' celebration on June 12
Some tickets still available https://www.ucl.ac.uk/bartlett/events/2025
If all the USB ports on Earth suddenly became inoperable, society would collapse.
#ShowerThoughts
Replaced article(s) found for physics.soc-ph. https://arxiv.org/list/physics.soc-ph/new
[1/1]:
- Inter-city infections and the role of size heterogeneity in containment strategies
Viktor Bezborodov, Tyll Krueger, Cornelia Pokalyuk, Piotr Szyma\'nski, Aur\'elien Vell…
Emerging applications of neurotechnology and their implications for EU governance #BCI
The most insightful commentary about #AI I've seen yet.
Explains why the executive class is trying to out-fellate each other with it. https://mastodon.social/@bruces/11457812470045602…
In Greek and Roman society, people questioned whether the gods could be trusted. “But Judaism affirms—and Christianity inherits this and adds to it—that God is trustworthy.”
—YDS New Testament Professor Teresa Morgan speaking on the latest episode of the YDS "Quadcast," focused on Christianity’s early spread among the Greeks and Romans.
Biggest-Ever’ Exhibition On The History Of Veganism Opens In The UK #vegan
#DegrowthOslo25 Livestream now.
https://isee-degrowth2025.no/live-stream
Sizing sufficiency: Contested framings of scarcity and limits.
Inge RŸpke first.
Long t…
In my youth I found it embarrassing. Why would my aunt insist on drawing attention to us everywhere we went?
As I get older, I’m starting to see it.
She was doing everything in her power, as much power as one individual in a society has, to ensure prosperity for all of us.
That might sound grandiose, but I’m convinced it’s true.
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2025/jun/11/public-health-bodies-urged-launch-period-tracking-apps-protect-data
Public health bodies urged to launch period tracking apps to protect data
AI-Driven Media & Synthetic Knowledge: Rethinking Society in Generative Futures
Katalin Feher
https://arxiv.org/abs/2507.19877 https://arxiv.org/pdf/25…
🇺🇦 #NowPlaying on BBCRadio3's #BBCProms
Felix Mendelssohn, Adèle Charvet (mezzo soprano) Benjamin Hullett (tenor), Royal Northern Sinfonia, Voices of the River's Edge Huddersfield Choral Society Chorus of Royal Northern Sinfonia & Dinis Sousa:
🎵 Lobgesang Symphony No. 2 in B flat major
Please 🔁 BOOST to share what you like
- your followers don't see if you ⭐ favourite a post
"A society under “number go up” tends towards evil. The men and women behind an excessively high rate of return often make deeply sinful and immoral choices, little different than the Confederate plantation owners did in whipping slaves or lords in castles did when abusing serfs. That they do it with spreadsheets doesn’t make it better. (We even use old terminology: I know of several people in a large health insurance conglomerate who set policies to deny care whose nickname is “the three witches.”)
And that’s why Jeff Epstein’s story is so compelling, it expresses this evil in a way that we all understand. On Sunday, I wrote about the oddness of the story, how an elite sex trafficker convicted of procuring children as prostitutes was friends or associates with everyone from Trump to Bill Clinton to Larry Summers to Bill Gates. Epstein represents how elites live in one moral universe where evil bacchanalia is rampant, while the rest of us live in a different more normal one. Every society has elites, and there are always weird things that elites do. But America, and the West, have reached a point where there is increasingly deep resentment and cynicism about this divide."
#USPolitcs #EconomicInequality
https://www.thebignewsletter.com/p/the-number-go-up-rule-why-america
“What do you get when you cross a mentally ill loner with a society that abandons him and treats him like trash? You get what you f**kin’ deserve!”
— Joker (2019)
#Joker #Joker2019 #MentalHealth
Israel committing genocide in Gaza, say Israel-based human rights groups
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2025/jul/28/israel-committing-genocide-in-gaza-say-israel-based-human-rights-groups
«the idea of LLMs as a technology that's largely parasitic on status games in a crumbling society does a great deal to explain the recent spate of AI use mandates in businesses. While they're obviously, transparently bad for materially getting work done, they're amazing status boosters, and if people are willing to take on material harm in order to improve their relative status, this behaviour actually makes considerable sense.»
Keeping up appearances | deadSimpleTech
https://deadsimpletech.com/blog/keeping_up_appearances
Replaced article(s) found for physics.soc-ph. https://arxiv.org/list/physics.soc-ph/new
[1/1]:
- Political Stress Index of Poland
Tomasz Stachowiak, Zbigniew Pasek
Apparently, many of the new volunteers are quite young, which seems to go against prevailing narrative of an atomised lonely genZ/Alpha that doesn't feel part of society. OTOH, Hjemmeværnet emphasises that many are joining because of the "fælleskab" (an extremely important concept in Denmark which translates as fellowship, but is used much more commonly than the English word, it's something like "being part of the gang")
[2025-07-30 Wed (UTC), 20 new articles found for cs.CY Computers and Society]
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Israel committing genocide in Gaza, say Israel-based human rights groups https://www.theguardian.com/world/2025/jul/28/israel-committing-genocide-in-gaza-say-israel-based-human-rights-groups?CMP…
Gaze-Aware AI: Mathematical modeling of epistemic experience of the Marginalized for Human-Computer Interaction & AI Systems
Omkar Suresh Hatti
https://arxiv.org/abs/2507.19500
Two in five arrested for last summer's UK riots had been reported for domestic abuse (Rajeev Syal/The Guardian)
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2025/jul/26/two-in-five-arrested-for-last-summers-uk-riots-had-been-reported-for-domestic-abuse
http://www.memeorandum.com/250726/p18#a250726p18
«the idea of LLMs as a technology that's largely parasitic on status games in a crumbling society does a great deal to explain the recent spate of AI use mandates in businesses. While they're obviously, transparently bad for materially getting work done, they're amazing status boosters, and if people are willing to take on material harm in order to improve their relative status, this behaviour actually makes considerable sense.»
Keeping up appearances | deadSimpleTech
https://deadsimpletech.com/blog/keeping_up_appearances
[2025-06-30 Mon (UTC), 6 new articles found for cs.CY Computers and Society]
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[2025-07-31 Thu (UTC), 1 new article found for physics.soc-ph Physics and Society]
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But as much as my mother would bemoan their antics. My aunt… oh my aunt.
She was the most intellectual, the most proud, and the most outspoken person I’ve ever had the privilege of knowing.
My aunt would give them a proper earful about what it meant to live in a society, about how their antics would lead to the entire west looking down on Poland, about how they were letting down their fellow citizen by running such scams.
I miss my aunt. She was a rock star and a role mode …
[2025-05-30 Fri (UTC), 5 new articles found for cs.CY Computers and Society]
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#DegrowthOslo25 morning plenary on livestream: https://isee-degrowth2025.no/live-stream shorltly.
"Confronting Inequalities in the Green Transition" with Piketty, Hor…
MLC-Agent: Cognitive Model based on Memory-Learning Collaboration in LLM Empowered Agent Simulation Environment
Ming Zhang, Yiling Xuan, Qun Ma, Yuwei Guo
https://arxiv.org/abs/2507.20215
[2025-07-30 Wed (UTC), 3 new articles found for physics.soc-ph Physics and Society]
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Prompt template for a fictitious LLM agent in a content-flagging experiment
Marie-Therese Sekwenz, Daria Simons, Alina Wundsam
https://arxiv.org/abs/2507.21842 https://
How popular media gets love wrong
Okay, my attempt at (hopefully widely-applicable) advice about relationships based on my mental "engineering" model and how it differs from the popular "fire" and "appeal" models:
1. If you're looking for a partner, don't focus too much on external qualities, but instead ask: "Do they respect me?" "Are they interested in active consent in all aspects of our relationship?" "Are they willing to commit a little now, and open to respectfully negotiating deeper commitment?" "Are they trustworthy, and willing to trust me?" Finding your partner attractive can come *from* trusting/appreciating/respecting them, rather than vice versa.
2. If you're looking for a partner, don't wait for infatuation to start before you try building a relationship. Don't wait to "fall in love;" if you "fall" into love you could just as easily "fall" out, but if you build up love, it won't be so easy to destroy. If you're feeling lonely and want a relationship, pick someone who seems interesting and receptive in your social circles and ask if they'd like to do something with you (doesn't have to be a date at first). *Pursue active consent* at each stage (if they're not interested; ask someone else, this will be easier if you're not already infatuated). If they're judging you by the standards in point 1, this is doubly important.
3. When building a relationship, try to synchronize your levels of commitment & trust even as you're trying to deepen them, or at least try to be honest and accepting when they need to be out-of-step. Say things and do things that show your partner the things (like trust, commitment, affection, etc.) that are important in your relationship, and ask them to do the same (or ideally you don't have to ask if they're conscious of this too). Do these things not as a chore or a transaction when your partner does them, but because they're the work of building the relationship that you value for its own sake (and because you value your partner for themselves too).
4. When facing big external challenges to your commitment to a relationship, like a move, ensure that your partner has an appropriate level of commitment too, but then don't undervalue the relationship relative to other things in life. Everyone is different, but *to me*, my committed relationship has been far more rewarding than e.g., a more "successful" career would have been. Of course worth noting here that non-men are taught by our society to undervalue their careers & other aspects of their life and sacrifice everything for their partners, which is toxic. I'm not saying "don't value other things" but especially for men, *do* value romantic relationships and be prepared to make decisions that prioritize them over other things, assuming a partner who is comfortable with that commitment and willing to reciprocate.
Okay, this thread is complete for now, until I think of something else that I've missed. I hope this advice is helpful in some way (or at least not harmful). Feel free to chime in if you've got different ideas...
#relationships #love
Psyche and Society Literature, Language, History, and Education
https://ift.tt/xo7EN0b
updated: Monday, July 28, 2025 - 12:58pmfull name / name of organization: October 6 University,…
via Input 4 RELCFP
[2025-06-30 Mon (UTC), 9 new articles found for physics.soc-ph Physics and Society]
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Not so long ago, members of high society were fixated on trying to low-key their way out of the perils of income inequality.
Minimalism and quiet luxury were in vogue.
But in the wake of President Trump’s second election, it’s the luxe life at full volume.
He gilded the White House, turning it into a Rococo Liberace lair.
Swaggy and braggy have replaced stealth wealth.
Flaunting it is in.
For women, that means sequins, diamonds, tight silhouettes and big h…
"Journalism screwed itself over by betting
on Meta and its profit-over-society peers.
Now, nobody trusts “the media” and
everyone is going bankrupt. The next bet
is on generative AI, with its inability to
distinguish truth from “hallucinations” –
fabrications that on the page become lies.
The Continent is an attempt to prove
journalism can be done differently.
Expect more of this in what our team
has decided to call our “serious era”.
We’re no longer a start-up. We’re going
to empower more people with quality
journalism. We’re going to help others
launch newspapers. We’re going to
stay sane. And we’re going to prove
that African excellence can set global
standards."
@… reaches 5 years and 200 issues. If you're not already receiving their copy via @… (or email, telegram or WhatsApp if you must) then it's really worth signing up to remind yourself just how big and diverse the world ist.
This weeks highlights are an extraordinary story about how Zanu-PF in Zimbabwe directly interfered with Mozambique's election. Plus a frankly beautiful photo piece on Addis Ababa
[2025-05-30 Fri (UTC), 2 new articles found for physics.soc-ph Physics and Society]
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How popular media gets love wrong
Now a bit of background about why I have this "engineered" model of love:
First, I'm a white straight cis man. I've got a few traits that might work against my relationship chances (e.g., neurodivergence; I generally fit pretty well into the "weird geek" stereotype), but as I was recently reminded, it's possible my experience derives more from luck than other factors, and since things are tilted more in my favor than most people on the planet, my advice could be worse than useless if it leads people towards strategies that would only have worked for someone like me. I don't *think* that's the case, but it's worth mentioning explicitly.
When I first started dating my now-wife, we were both in graduate school. I was 26, and had exactly zero dating/romantic experience though that point in my life. In other words, a pretty stereotypical "incel" although I definitely didn't subscribe to incel ideology at all. I felt lonely, and vaguely wanted a romantic relationship (I'm neither aromantic nor asexual), but had never felt socially comfortable enough to pursue one before. I don't drink and dislike most social gatherings like parties or bars; I mostly hung around the fringes of the few college parties I attended, and although I had a reasonable college social life in terms of friends, I didn't really do anything to pursue romance, feeling too awkward to know where to start. I had the beginnings of crushes in both high school and college, but never developed a really strong crush, probably correlated with not putting myself in many social situations outside of close all-male friend gatherings. I never felt remotely comfortable enough to act on any of the proto-crushes I did have. I did watch porn and masturbate, so one motivation for pursuing a relationship was physical intimacy, but loneliness was as much of a motivating factor, and of course the social pressure to date was a factor too, even though I'm quite contrarian.
When I first started dating my now-wife, we were both in graduate school. I was 26, and had exactly zero dating/romantic experience though that point in my life. In other words, a pretty stereotypical "incel" although I definitely didn't subscribe to incel ideology at all. I felt lonely, and vaguely wanted a romantic relationship (I'm neither aromantic nor asexual), but had never felt socially comfortable enough to pursue one before. I don't drink and dislike most social gatherings like parties or bars; I mostly hung around the fringes of the few college parties I attended, and although I had a reasonable college social life in terms of friends, I didn't really do anything to pursue romance, feeling too awkward to know where to start. I had the beginnings of crushes in both high school and college, but never developed a really strong crush, probably correlated with not putting myself in many social situations outside of close all-male friend gatherings. I never felt remotely comfortable enough to act on any of the proto-crushes I did have. I did watch porn and masturbate, so one motivation for pursuing a relationship was physical intimacy, but loneliness was as much of a motivating factor, and of course the social pressure to date was a factor too, even though I'm quite contrarian.
I'm lucky in that I had some mixed-gender social circles already like intramural soccer and a graduate-student housing potluck. Graduate school makes a *lot* more of these social spaces accessible, so I recognize that those not in school of some sort have a harder time of things, especially if like me they don't feel like they fit in in typical adult social spaces like bars.
However, at one point I just decided that my desire for a relationship would need action on my part and so I'd try to build a relationship and see what happened. I worked up my courage and asked one of the people in my potluck if she'd like to go for a hike (pretty much clearly a date but not explicitly one; in retrospect not the best first-date modality in a lot of ways, but it made a little more sense in our setting where we could go for a hike from our front door). To emphasize this point: I was not in love with (or even infatuated with) my now-wife at that point. I made a decision to be open to building a relationship, but didn't follow the typical romance story formula beyond that. Now of course, in real life as opposed to popular media, this isn't anything special. People ask each other out all the time just because they're lonely, and some of those relationships turn out fine (although many do not).
I was lucky in that some aspects of who I am and what I do happened to be naturally comforting to my wife (natural advantage in the "appeal" model of love) but of course there are some aspects of me that annoy my wife, and we negotiate that. In the other direction, there's some things I instantly liked about my wife, and other things that still annoy me. We've figured out how to accept a little, change a little, and overall be happy with each other (though we do still have arguments; it's not like the operation/construction/maintenance of the "love mechanism" is always perfectly smooth). In particular though, I approached the relationship with the attitude of "I want to try to build a relationship with this person," at first just because of my own desires for *any* relationship, and then gradually more and more through my desire to build *this specific* relationship as I enjoyed the rewards of companionship.
So for example, while I think my wife is objectively beautiful, she's also *subjectively* very beautiful *to me* because having decided to build a relationship with her, I actively tried to see her as beautiful, rather than trying to judge whether I wanted a relationship with her based on her beauty. In other words, our relationship is more causative of her beauty-to-me than her beauty-to-me is causative of our relationship. This is the biggest way I think the "engineered" model of love differs from the "fire" and "appeal" models: you can just decide to build love independent of factors we typically think of as engendering love (NOT independent of your partner's willingness to participate, of course), and then all of those things like "thinking your partner is beautiful" can be a result of the relationship you're building. For sure those factors might affect who is willing to try building a relationship with you in the first place, but if more people were willing to jump into relationship building (not necessarily with full commitment from the start) without worrying about those other factors, they might find that those factors can come out of the relationship instead of being prerequisites for it. I think this is the biggest failure of the "appeal" model in particular: yes you *do* need to do things that appeal to your partner, but it's not just "make myself lovable" it's also: is your partner putting in the effort to see the ways that you are beautiful/lovable/etc., or are they just expecting you to become exactly some perfect person they've imagined (and/or been told to desire by society)? The former is perfectly possible, and no less satisfying than the latter.
To cut off my rambling a bit here, I'll just add that in our progress from dating through marriage through staying-married, my wife and I have both talked at times explicitly about commitment, and especially when deciding to get married, I told her that I knew I couldn't live up to the perfect model of a husband that I'd want to be, but that if she wanted to deepen our commitment, I was happy to do that, and so we did. I also rearranged my priorities at that point, deciding that I knew I wanted to prioritize this relationship above things like my career or my research interests, and while I've not always been perfect at that in my little decisions, I've been good at holding to that in my big decisions at least. In the end, *once we had built a somewhat-committed relationship*, we had something that we both recognized was worth more than most other things in life, and that let us commit even more, thus getting even more out of it in the long term. Obviously you can't start the first date with an expectation of life-long commitment, and you need to synchronize your increasing commitment to a relationship so that it doesn't become lopsided, which is hard. But if you take the commitment as an active decision and as the *precursor* to things like infatuation, attraction, etc., you can build up to something that's incredibly strong and rewarding.
I'll follow this up with one more post trying to distill some advice from my ramblings.
#relationships #love
Replaced article(s) found for cs.CY. https://arxiv.org/list/cs.CY/new
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- PRISM: A Personalized, Rapid, and Immersive Skill Mastery framework for personalizing experientia...
Lin, Patel, Alhamadah, Shih, Redondo, Corona, Latibari, Pacheco, Salehi, Satam
We are a very digital society in Denmark, this is generally a very good things, but not when the banks decide we *must* use Google to log in to our accounts...
Absolutely agree with @… here
#TechSovreignty #privacy
https://jyllands-posten.dk/debat/breve/ECE18376402/du-er-tvunget-til-at-tillade-google-at-overvaage-og-saelge-dig/
Subtooting since people in the original thread wanted it to be over, but selfishly tagging @… and @… whose opinions I value...
I think that saying "we are not a supply chain" is exactly what open-source maintainers should be doing right now in response to "open source supply chain security" threads.
I can't claim to be an expert and don't maintain any important FOSS stuff, but I do release almost all of my code under open licenses, and I do use many open source libraries, and I have felt the pain of needing to replace an unmaintained library.
There's a certain small-to-mid-scale class of program, including many open-source libraries, which can be built/maintained by a single person, and which to my mind best operate on a "snake growth" model: incremental changes/fixes, punctuated by periodic "skin-shedding" phases where make rewrites or version updates happen. These projects aren't immortal either: as the whole tech landscape around them changes, they become unnecessary and/or people lose interest, so they go unmaintained and eventually break. Each time one of their dependencies breaks (or has a skin-shedding moment) there's a higher probability that they break or shed too, as maintenance needs shoot up at these junctures. Unless you're a company trying to make money from a single long-lived app, it's actually okay that software churns like this, and if you're a company trying to make money, your priorities absolutely should not factor into any decisions people making FOSS software make: we're trying (and to a huge extent succeeding) to make a better world (and/or just have fun with our own hobbies share that fun with others) that leaves behind the corrosive & planet-destroying plague which is capitalism, and you're trying to personally enrich yourself by embracing that plague. The fact that capitalism is *evil* is not an incidental thing in this discussion.
To make an imperfect analogy, imagine that the peasants of some domain have set up a really-free-market, where they provide each other with free stuff to help each other survive, sometimes doing some barter perhaps but mostly just everyone bringing their surplus. Now imagine the lord of the domain, who is the source of these peasants' immiseration, goes to this market secretly & takes some berries, which he uses as one ingredient in delicious tarts that he then sells for profit. But then the berry-bringer stops showing up to the free market, or starts bringing a different kind of fruit, or even ends up bringing rotten berries by accident. And the lord complains "I have a supply chain problem!" Like, fuck off dude! Your problem is that you *didn't* want to build a supply chain and instead thought you would build your profit-focused business in other people's free stuff. If you were paying the berry-picker, you'd have a supply chain problem, but you weren't, so you really have an "I want more free stuff" problem when you can't be arsed to give away your own stuff for free.
There can be all sorts of problems in the really-free-market, like maybe not enough people bring socks, so the peasants who can't afford socks are going barefoot, and having foot problems, and the peasants put their heads together and see if they can convince someone to start bringing socks, and maybe they can't and things are a bit sad, but the really-free-market was never supposed to solve everyone's problems 100% when they're all still being squeezed dry by their taxes: until they are able to get free of the lord & start building a lovely anarchist society, the really-free-market is a best-effort kind of deal that aims to make things better, and sometimes will fall short. When it becomes the main way goods in society are distributed, and when the people who contribute aren't constantly drained by the feudal yoke, at that point the availability of particular goods is a real problem that needs to be solved, but at that point, it's also much easier to solve. And at *no* point does someone coming into the market to take stuff only to turn around and sell it deserve anything from the market or those contributing to it. They are not a supply chain. They're trying to help each other out, but even then they're doing so freely and without obligation. They might discuss amongst themselves how to better coordinate their mutual aid, but they're not going to end up forcing anyone to bring anything or even expecting that a certain person contribute a certain amount, since the whole point is that the thing is voluntary & free, and they've all got changing life circumstances that affect their contributions. Celebrate whatever shows up at the market, express your desire for things that would be useful, but don't impose a burden on anyone else to bring a specific thing, because otherwise it's fair for them to oppose such a burden on you, and now you two are doing your own barter thing that's outside the parameters of the really-free-market.
Replaced article(s) found for physics.soc-ph. https://arxiv.org/list/physics.soc-ph/new
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- Projecting Multimorbidity and Mortality under Demographic Change and Preventive Interventions
Katharina Ledebur, Alexandra Kautzky-Willer, Stefan Thurner, Peter Klimek
[2025-07-29 Tue (UTC), 16 new articles found for cs.CY Computers and Society]
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Replaced article(s) found for cs.CY. https://arxiv.org/list/cs.CY/new
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- Extracting Insights from Large-Scale Telematics Data for ITS Applications: Lessons and Recommenda...
Gibran Ali, Neal Feierabend, Prarthana Doshi, Calvin Winkowski, Michael Fontaine
[2025-07-29 Tue (UTC), 9 new articles found for physics.soc-ph Physics and Society]
toXiv_bot_toot
The Xeno Sutra: Can Meaning and Value be Ascribed to an AI-Generated "Sacred" Text?
Murray Shanahan, Tara Das, Robert Thurman
https://arxiv.org/abs/2507.20525 https://…
Modeling society with a responsible elite
Yana Tsodikova, Pavel Chebotarev
https://arxiv.org/abs/2506.15877 https://arxiv.org/pdf/250…
[2025-07-28 Mon (UTC), 5 new articles found for cs.CY Computers and Society]
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Replaced article(s) found for physics.soc-ph. https://arxiv.org/list/physics.soc-ph/new
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- Quantifying interdisciplinary synergy in higher STEM education
Gahyoun Gim, Jinhyuk Yun, Sang Hoon Lee
Replaced article(s) found for cs.CY. https://arxiv.org/list/cs.CY/new
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- To what extent can current French mobile network support agricultural robots?
Pierre La Rocca (UB, LaBRI, MANAO), Ga\"el Guennebaud (MANAO), Aur\'elie Bugeau (IUF, LaBRI, UB)