@emd@cosocial.caI'm really torn. I love me my @…, great people, great model, love to support and use.
Buuuuut, I'd also love to use my own domain so I can truly own my own social. However I’m concerned about a single user instance not seeing all my current interactions.
Any advice from you self-hosters? I'm trying out
@kexpmusicbot@mastodonapp.uk🇺🇦 #NowPlaying on KEXP's #PositiveVibrations
Jacob Miller:
🎵 Baby I Love You So
#JacobMiller
https://defaultbeats.bandcamp.com/track/8-jacob-miller-baby-i-love-you-so
https://open.spotify.com/track/2iCshqpZ6LQEOaUj7vQEgc
@azonenberg@ioc.exchangeGotta love when optimizations and unit tests result in you catching what you thought was a regression, but turned out to be a long-standing corner case bug you've been chasing forever.
Tl;dr implemented an AVX512F version of the inner loop for the eye pattern, which had previously only supported AVX2 and AVX2-FMA.
It promptly failed the unit test despite being a straightforward vector stretch of the AVX2 version (with some small changes because a few instructions I used from …
@tante@tldr.nettime.orgThis story is cute: A malicious "Solidity" (that's the smart contract language Ethereum and other blockchains use) extension for Cursor, the Vibe-Coding Editor included code that steals your tokens/coins.
I find it funny for two reasons:
- Blockchainers love talking about how you need to verify things you interact with but someone wasn't checking if they have the right extension
- Programming smart contracts is hard because it's a massively hostile envir…
@khalidabuhakmeh@mastodon.socialThis comment from a Microsoft announcement post is a vibe
@philip@mastodon.mallegolhansen.com@… Right there with you. There are coffees I love, and there are coffees I don’t care for.
But not once in my life have I found a coffee that tastes of chocolate, or whatever else the tasting notes claim.
@Xavier@infosec.exchange
@fanf@mendeddrum.orgfrom my link log —
Get the location of the ISS using DNS.
https://shkspr.mobi/blog/2025/07/get-the-location-of-the-iss-using-dns/
saved 2025-07-06
@LaChasseuse@mastodon.scotA. I wonder what language the French pres. uses to whisper to the Italian pres?
B. How does Meloni manage to dress like a 12 year old girl and somehow not seem ridiculous?
C. Feel the stomach acid the Japanese delegate is experiencing 😬
D. How is it that Starmer manages to look *exactly* as awkward at these meetings as Theresa May did?
@sharan@metalhead.clubThis is a story of how Bad Religion made me start listening to punk rock, and became one of my favorite bands:
https://arnel.bearblog.dev/how-i-started-believing-in-bad-religion/
@tiotasram@kolektiva.socialHow popular media gets love wrong
Now a bit of background about why I have this "engineered" model of love:
First, I'm a white straight cis man. I've got a few traits that might work against my relationship chances (e.g., neurodivergence; I generally fit pretty well into the "weird geek" stereotype), but as I was recently reminded, it's possible my experience derives more from luck than other factors, and since things are tilted more in my favor than most people on the planet, my advice could be worse than useless if it leads people towards strategies that would only have worked for someone like me. I don't *think* that's the case, but it's worth mentioning explicitly.
When I first started dating my now-wife, we were both in graduate school. I was 26, and had exactly zero dating/romantic experience though that point in my life. In other words, a pretty stereotypical "incel" although I definitely didn't subscribe to incel ideology at all. I felt lonely, and vaguely wanted a romantic relationship (I'm neither aromantic nor asexual), but had never felt socially comfortable enough to pursue one before. I don't drink and dislike most social gatherings like parties or bars; I mostly hung around the fringes of the few college parties I attended, and although I had a reasonable college social life in terms of friends, I didn't really do anything to pursue romance, feeling too awkward to know where to start. I had the beginnings of crushes in both high school and college, but never developed a really strong crush, probably correlated with not putting myself in many social situations outside of close all-male friend gatherings. I never felt remotely comfortable enough to act on any of the proto-crushes I did have. I did watch porn and masturbate, so one motivation for pursuing a relationship was physical intimacy, but loneliness was as much of a motivating factor, and of course the social pressure to date was a factor too, even though I'm quite contrarian.
When I first started dating my now-wife, we were both in graduate school. I was 26, and had exactly zero dating/romantic experience though that point in my life. In other words, a pretty stereotypical "incel" although I definitely didn't subscribe to incel ideology at all. I felt lonely, and vaguely wanted a romantic relationship (I'm neither aromantic nor asexual), but had never felt socially comfortable enough to pursue one before. I don't drink and dislike most social gatherings like parties or bars; I mostly hung around the fringes of the few college parties I attended, and although I had a reasonable college social life in terms of friends, I didn't really do anything to pursue romance, feeling too awkward to know where to start. I had the beginnings of crushes in both high school and college, but never developed a really strong crush, probably correlated with not putting myself in many social situations outside of close all-male friend gatherings. I never felt remotely comfortable enough to act on any of the proto-crushes I did have. I did watch porn and masturbate, so one motivation for pursuing a relationship was physical intimacy, but loneliness was as much of a motivating factor, and of course the social pressure to date was a factor too, even though I'm quite contrarian.
I'm lucky in that I had some mixed-gender social circles already like intramural soccer and a graduate-student housing potluck. Graduate school makes a *lot* more of these social spaces accessible, so I recognize that those not in school of some sort have a harder time of things, especially if like me they don't feel like they fit in in typical adult social spaces like bars.
However, at one point I just decided that my desire for a relationship would need action on my part and so I'd try to build a relationship and see what happened. I worked up my courage and asked one of the people in my potluck if she'd like to go for a hike (pretty much clearly a date but not explicitly one; in retrospect not the best first-date modality in a lot of ways, but it made a little more sense in our setting where we could go for a hike from our front door). To emphasize this point: I was not in love with (or even infatuated with) my now-wife at that point. I made a decision to be open to building a relationship, but didn't follow the typical romance story formula beyond that. Now of course, in real life as opposed to popular media, this isn't anything special. People ask each other out all the time just because they're lonely, and some of those relationships turn out fine (although many do not).
I was lucky in that some aspects of who I am and what I do happened to be naturally comforting to my wife (natural advantage in the "appeal" model of love) but of course there are some aspects of me that annoy my wife, and we negotiate that. In the other direction, there's some things I instantly liked about my wife, and other things that still annoy me. We've figured out how to accept a little, change a little, and overall be happy with each other (though we do still have arguments; it's not like the operation/construction/maintenance of the "love mechanism" is always perfectly smooth). In particular though, I approached the relationship with the attitude of "I want to try to build a relationship with this person," at first just because of my own desires for *any* relationship, and then gradually more and more through my desire to build *this specific* relationship as I enjoyed the rewards of companionship.
So for example, while I think my wife is objectively beautiful, she's also *subjectively* very beautiful *to me* because having decided to build a relationship with her, I actively tried to see her as beautiful, rather than trying to judge whether I wanted a relationship with her based on her beauty. In other words, our relationship is more causative of her beauty-to-me than her beauty-to-me is causative of our relationship. This is the biggest way I think the "engineered" model of love differs from the "fire" and "appeal" models: you can just decide to build love independent of factors we typically think of as engendering love (NOT independent of your partner's willingness to participate, of course), and then all of those things like "thinking your partner is beautiful" can be a result of the relationship you're building. For sure those factors might affect who is willing to try building a relationship with you in the first place, but if more people were willing to jump into relationship building (not necessarily with full commitment from the start) without worrying about those other factors, they might find that those factors can come out of the relationship instead of being prerequisites for it. I think this is the biggest failure of the "appeal" model in particular: yes you *do* need to do things that appeal to your partner, but it's not just "make myself lovable" it's also: is your partner putting in the effort to see the ways that you are beautiful/lovable/etc., or are they just expecting you to become exactly some perfect person they've imagined (and/or been told to desire by society)? The former is perfectly possible, and no less satisfying than the latter.
To cut off my rambling a bit here, I'll just add that in our progress from dating through marriage through staying-married, my wife and I have both talked at times explicitly about commitment, and especially when deciding to get married, I told her that I knew I couldn't live up to the perfect model of a husband that I'd want to be, but that if she wanted to deepen our commitment, I was happy to do that, and so we did. I also rearranged my priorities at that point, deciding that I knew I wanted to prioritize this relationship above things like my career or my research interests, and while I've not always been perfect at that in my little decisions, I've been good at holding to that in my big decisions at least. In the end, *once we had built a somewhat-committed relationship*, we had something that we both recognized was worth more than most other things in life, and that let us commit even more, thus getting even more out of it in the long term. Obviously you can't start the first date with an expectation of life-long commitment, and you need to synchronize your increasing commitment to a relationship so that it doesn't become lopsided, which is hard. But if you take the commitment as an active decision and as the *precursor* to things like infatuation, attraction, etc., you can build up to something that's incredibly strong and rewarding.
I'll follow this up with one more post trying to distill some advice from my ramblings.
#relationships #love
@grifferz@social.bitfolk.comGot to love Aliexpress:
"Hi andy user,
Your package has been collected by our shipping partner. It is getting closer to you every minute!"
They always call me "andy user" and I have no idea how that could have happened. They of course have my full name and even if they're trying to appear friendly why lower case it and put "user" in?
@detondev@social.linux.pizzayou prolly won't see this, but you're doing great. i love you.
@toxi@mastodon.thi.ngWould love to hear migration thoughts & plans (if any) from other FOSS maintainers (and sponsors!) currently using Github Sponsors. Are you planning/supporting to leave? Are you afraid you'll lose sponsors?
Personally, I'd also love to hear from my own sponsors (some of which are also here 👋). I'm considering migrating various public & still private htt…
@midtsveen@social.linux.pizzaSorry if I fucked up your day too, but I fucking love you all! After looking at this GIF, I’m over it!
Autism is real as hell, and autism is fucking awesome. Fuck the haters, fuck anyone who’s “anti-autism,” and fuck domestic violence against autistic people.
I exist, I’m proud, and I’m not going anywhere. Autism power, always fucking rad!
Mistakes happen, and I gotta work on myself, lmao! You do you, and I’ll do me. Cool? Cool.
@kurtsh@mastodon.socialMy single favorite photo of No Kings Los Angeles. I often park here near City Hall Main.
The LA Mall is often hailed as an example of City government failure. I like to think this photo represents Los Angelenos unity & love.
When you attack one of us, you attack all of us. One City. #NoKings
@shoppingtonz@mastodon.socialI can't believe i removed my (#)AntitrustJoke
Went something like:
Google: Why is nobody putting pressure on us to allow alternative stores and haha like we would actually cave hehehe, no way...
EU: We agree, nobody should put pressure on you on any antitrust issues.
Google: What!? You defending us as well? Thanks! Then everybody will get shitty apps forever! Great idea! We love it!
EU: Glad to help. Anyway you got F-Droid hahahaha
Google: HAHAHAHA! We…
@raysofred@discordian.socialI am in awe
The animation
the storytelling
The drama
https://youtu.be/DxiMRnqWSQE
@BootsChantilly@mstdn.socialI just put a big bowl of Orange Fluff in the fridge to set. I LOVE ORANGE FLUFF. Judge me all you want.
https://www.allrecipes.com/orange-jello-salad-recipe-11756063
@teledyn@mstdn.ca“Cannot you see, cannot all you lecturers see, that it is we that are dying, and that down here the only thing that really lives is the Machine? We created the Machine, to do our will, but we cannot make it do our will now. It has robbed us of the sense of space and of the sense of touch, it has blurred every human relation and narrowed down love to a carnal act, it has paralysed our bodies and our wills, and now it compels us to worship it. The Machine develops — but not on our lines. The Machine proceeds — but not to our goal. We only exist as the blood corpuscles that course through its arteries, and if it could work without us, it would let us die. Oh, I have no remedy — or, at least, only one — to tell men again and again that I have seen the hills of Wessex as Ælfrid saw them when he overthrew the Danes."
https://youtu.be/ejOOCH30Ry4?si=LQsjnOYv9u21H4cL
@luana@wetdry.worldI love how if you wanna install a KDE’s app for something you just need to search for “komething”
@jtk@infosec.exchangeMonday jam: Cedell Davis | Love Blues (featuring Annie Jantzer & Mike McCready) | #blues
@jake4480@c.imYou know it's coming, but you just never know. I was lucky to see Brian solo once, it was a magical show. RIP to this legend. I don't even know how to start with how much I love the Beach Boys. I've talked about it many times on here, how I really got into them in my teens, my parents had tapes (I wrote about my love for Wild Honey here:
@nebucatnetzer@social.linux.pizzaAnother year and once again I can spend my employers money on donations to open source projects.
Love the new funds initiative by @… makes it much easier for me to donate.
Something that I learned from this that is valuable for projects.
Make it as easy as possible to donate to you.
I have four projects including th…
@scott@carfree.citylocal restaurants I love you but please have a website that isn't your instagram profile and has your hours of business on it. kthx
@brian_gettler@mas.toA song I think of every time I hear about major flooding from summer storms (as in #Montreal yesterday). The studio version's good, the live one's better.
Blue Meanies, "Pave the World" (live, 1998)
https://youtu.be/bTiRP8qZmUI
@MamasPinkyToe@mastodon.worldBut you have to love me. I'M A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON NOW!
@BBC6MusicBot@mastodonapp.uk
@thesaigoneer@social.linux.pizzaOne aspect that's often overlooked with dwm is its portability and uniqueness.
The dwm I'm sporting is one that no one else has; it is totally mine and in that sense unique.You build your own program, patches, binds et al.
Making sure all prerequisites are fulfilled you can then just copy your suckless configs to basically any distro and run a make clean install.
That's why I learned to love dwm and why it's still the best wm around, wayland or not.
@roland@devdilettante.comI am no better and neither are you
We are the same, whatever we do
You love me, you hate me, you know me and then
You can't figure out the bag I'm in <-- #SlyAndTheFamilyStoneForEvah :-) https://yout…
@shriramk@mastodon.socialLovely piece, and why I often take small hotel rooms in cities: so I'm forced out to go explore. I especially love this line: "I understood how a metropolis allows you to be solitary without being lonely." People who don't live in cities don't get this.
https://www.nytim…
@avalon@jazztodon.comYesterday and Karma — Osamu Kitajima and Minnie Ripperton
https://youtube.com/watch?v=J-AVx-qrxeI&si=qduD8LViKHBIS8C0
@dingsextrem@mas.to
@brentsleeper@sfba.socialI love you, #Wordle. I’ve always loved you.
#Wordle1456 3/6*
⬜⬜🟨⬜🟨
⬜⬜🟩🟩⬜
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩
@nelson@tech.lgbtCalamus 30 A promise and gift to California
Well they can't all be winners. A tedious poem of Western fantasy. Appropriately aspirational for 1860 but not a particularly interesting nor unique sentiment. Also an unkept promise: Whitman never reached the west coast.
Looking for my gay reading, all I have is this:
I and robust love belong among you
I do like Whitman's lustiness, in this case his "robust love". We know a thing or two about that in California.
@andres4ny@social.ridetrans.itugh I hate them both https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:4llrhdclvdlmmynkwsmg5tdc/post/3lrhcu2tnmx23
@anildash@me.dmman, the entire Clipse tiny desk took me back to why we all fell for them right at the start, they are just such STARS, but I legit got emotional when they put the *desk* in Tiny Desk at the end of the set. This entire album rollout has been the coronation they've long deserved. https://youtu.be/f7gIBB7jKc0…
@roelgrif@mstdn.social"There's one way to end this war. You say to Vladimir Putin:
If you don't stop this war, and we agree to the ceasefire terms I dictate, we are bringing Ukraine into NATO within 30 days. Which part of that sentence don't you understand? Do you want to mess with me? Test me.
That's how you end this war."
https://
@sonnets@bots.krohsnest.comSonnet 076 - LXXVI
Why is my verse so barren of new pride,
So far from variation or quick change?
Why with the time do I not glance aside
To new-found methods, and to compounds strange?
Why write I still all one, ever the same,
And keep invention in a noted weed,
That every word doth almost tell my name,
Showing their birth, and where they did proceed?
O! know sweet love I always write of you,
And you and love are still my argument;…
@nemorosa@mastodon.nu#PennedPossibilities 695 — Do you enjoy the process of worldbuilding?
I love when it comes together, I do. My world is large, and I love to see how the pieces all fit, but most of all, I love discovering that through my characters. It is they who show me these things. They are my guides.
@midtsveen@social.linux.pizza @sharan@metalhead.clubThis is me (playing bass) with my first band ever called Rapa Nui. This was officially our first gig, although the first one happened a few months before this one, in Sarajevo, in front of the then-demolished Youth House.
Back then, I hated melodic punk, feeling the buzz from bands like Motorhead and different extreme metal and grindcore artists.
However, in 2016, I rediscovered an old favorite.
This is a story of how Bad Religion made me start listening to punk rock, an…
@CerstinMahlow@mastodon.acm.org @BBC6MusicBot@mastodonapp.uk🇺🇦 #NowPlaying on #BBC6Music's #6MusicArtistCollection
Shania Twain:
🎵 (If You're Not In It For Love) I'm Outta Here!
#ShaniaTwain
https://remyverreault.bandcamp.com/track/if-you-re-not-in-it-for-love-i-m-outta-here-shania-twain-cover
https://open.spotify.com/track/6Lst3nF4McKOTLSLuTvLhw
@dennisfaucher@infosec.exchangeI'm happy hosting #LanguageTool rather than dealing with Grammarly, but I love when LanguageTool recommends I replace a word with the same word or I accept the replacement and it repeats letters in the replacement. What do you expect for free? 🙂
@jake4480@c.imIf you're in the mood for something weird and fast, I have some strange Chinese punk for you. 悶煮悶MENGZHUMENG are from Chengdu, China and have released three short, bizarro 'social reintegration' demos (so far) this year, and I love all of them. Herky jerky, fun, you'd probably call this 'egg punk' for sure. I mean, just listen to it. 🇨🇳 🍳 😂
Social reintegration DEMO#1:
@denmanrooke@social.coopThis animation from the 2000s randomly or (shall I say magically) found it's way from the abyss of my memory... and so I sang it to my daughter and she loved it.
https://youtu.be/au3-hk-pXsM?si=1S5kAU47mVdGuHeY
@detondev@social.linux.pizzait really is generally safer to assume a male christian singer-songwriter is closeted gay than otherwise. it really is fundamentally lyrically androphilic despite the surrounding style. it really is mostly love songs about falling to your knees and pleasing jesus if you know what i mean wink wink
@chris@mstdn.chrisalemany.caI don't usually advocate for an outcome like this... but this time I am because really the question isn't about the CBC. It's about Canadian sovereignty. Trump should have no part of any decision in Canada, period. So whether you love the CBC or not, the only correct answer here is No because we should never allow a foreign dictator to make decisions for us.
#CanPoli #CdnPoli #ElbowsUp
https://mastodon.online/@ZebKing/114829919091275075
@Jyoti@mas.toI love food, I love sex, I love MUSIC but there's a special thrill about discovering that you love an author's work that you have never read before.
You look at all the books they've written that you're gonna binge and it's like.... mmmmmm... like a whole stack of the sexiest pancakes in your bed.
@radioeinsmusicbot@mastodonapp.uk🇺🇦 Auf radioeins läuft...
Woodkid:
🎵 I Love You
#NowPlaying #Woodkid
https://annereburn.bandcamp.com/track/i-love-you-woodkid-piano-cover
https://open.spotify.com/track/0z39yzkwMNXYX2LYtEOpFW
@outer@mas.toFun podcast, but I love reading A Way with Words at #WordOrigins #Language
...Bab…
@Tuxramus@social.linux.pizzaI FINALLY listened to you and tried Linux... Why did I wait so long?
#linuxgaming
@BBC3MusicBot@mastodonapp.uk🇺🇦 #NowPlaying on BBCRadio3's #RoundMidnight
Poppy Daniels:
🎵 I've Never Been In Love Before
#PoppyDaniels
https://open.spotify.com/track/4yJmPTp4zOmQaQuODK22Dl
Please 🔁 BOOST to share what you like
- your followers don't see if you ⭐ favourite a post
@brian_gettler@mas.toSome music for today's protests in the US. Stay safe everyone. Don't forget to dance as needed.
Laura Jane Grace, "Baby, I'm an Anarchist" (live, 2021)
https://youtu.be/7-nj4QhjJpc
@tiotasram@kolektiva.socialHow popular media gets love wrong
Had some thoughts in response to a post about loneliness on here. As the author emphasized, reassurances from people who got lucky are not terribly comforting to those who didn't, especially when the person who was lucky had structural factors in their favor that made their chances of success much higher than those is their audience. So: these are just my thoughts, and may not have any bearing on your life. I share them because my experience challenged a lot of the things I was taught to believe about love, and I think my current beliefs are both truer and would benefit others seeing companionship.
We're taught in many modern societies from an absurdly young age that love is not something under our control, and that dating should be a process of trying to kindle love with different people until we meet "the one" with whom it takes off. In the slightly-less-fairytale corners of modern popular media, we might fund an admission that it's possible to influence love, feeding & tending the fire in better or worse ways. But it's still modeled as an uncontrollable force of nature, to be occasionally influenced but never tamed. I'll call this the "fire" model of love.
We're also taught (and non-boys are taught more stringently) a second contradictory model of love: that in a relationship, we need to both do things and be things in order to make our partner love us, and that if we don't, our partner's love for us will wither, and (especially if you're not a boy) it will be our fault. I'll call this the "appeal" model of love.
Now obviously both of these cannot be totally true at once, and plenty of popular media centers this contradiction, but there are really very few competing models on offer.
In my experience, however, it's possible to have "pre-meditated" love. In other words, to decide you want to love someone (or at least, try loving them), commit to that idea, and then actually wind up in love with them (and them with you, although obviously this second part is not directly under your control). I'll call this the "engineered" model of love.
Now, I don't think that the "fire" and "appeal" models of love are totally wrong, but I do feel their shortcomings often suggest poor & self-destructive relationship strategies. I do think the "fire" model is a decent model for *infatuation*, which is something a lot of popular media blur into love, and which drives many (but not all) of the feelings we normally associate with love (even as those feelings have other possible drivers too). I definitely experienced strong infatuation early on in my engineered relationship (ugh that sounds terrible but I'll stick with it; I promise no deception was involved). I continue to experience mild infatuation years later that waxes and wanes. It's not a stable foundation for a relationship but it can be a useful component of one (this at least popular media depicts often).
I'll continue these thoughts in a reply, by it might take a bit to get to it.
#relationships
@cellfourteen@social.petertoushkov.euI love it that years ago, Linux boasted things like, 'It has an office suite like in Windows!', and now it's, like, 'Plug in. Game on!' 🥰 ->
I FINALLY listened to you and tried Linux... Why did I wait so long? - JayzTwoCents
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sa8nMiEoti0
@andycarolan@social.lolIf anyone I have a connection with has any thoughts on part or full time design/illustration roles, I would LOVE to hear from you.
18 years experience and am open to new challenges!
#lookingforwork #getfedihired
My most recently uploaded work can be found in my portfolio at https://www.andycarolan.com
If you wish to find out more about me as a person, my strengths, skills and what I'm like to work with, please take a look at my personal user manual at https://www.andycarolan.com/myusermanual
CV/Resume on request
@grahamperrin@bsd.cafe@…
You saw me standing alone
Without a dream in my heart
Without a love of my own
New racoon
You knew just what I was there for
You heard me saying a prayer for
Someone I really could care for
@iam_jfnklstrm@social.linux.pizzaI was smiling all the time, it's a great 'I tell you who you are depending on which distro you use' video. It's humor of course. Watch it! #linux
@MamasPinkyToe@mastodon.worldGrandma, I love having you come over but I wish you would stop talking about your sexuality.
@raysofred@discordian.social
@metacurity@infosec.exchangeOnly the second time I've tried to reach out to fed cyber workers, but it worked super great the first time.
If anyone in the federal government involved in budgeting for cyber efforts follows me here, I would love for you to contact me at Cynthia.507 via Signal for a piece I'm writing for a cyber publication.
I will honor all requests for anonymity. Thank you.
@aral@mastodon.ar.alThe real question is why is a fucking sociopath allowed to teach a class at a university? Oh, it’s Stanford. As you were. https://mastodon.social/@RuthMalan/113022749498944409
@pre@boing.world
There's a woman I know who, when she was pregnant, was very keen to hear the opinions of crystal diviners and homeopath medics on what sex her new baby would be but wouldn't let the ultrasound-scan technician that actually knows tells her because Spoilers.
On that note, I'm happy to watch #doctorWho #badWolf #tv
@tante@tldr.nettime.orgSometimes you know what you want to say in a keynote and for the longest time don't find the angle, the hook, and then when you suddenly find it, it's so obvious and neat. Doesn't happen always but I love when these things come together.
@kexpmusicbot@mastodonapp.uk🇺🇦 #NowPlaying on KEXP's #SundaySoul
Sweet Mixture:
🎵 House of Fun and Love
#SweetMixture
https://sweetmixture.bandcamp.com/album/i-love-you-house-of-fun-and-love
https://open.spotify.com/track/1iP49EBHCt7YWHuFVePs6m
@midtsveen@social.linux.pizzaHyperfixiation Joy, Stay if You Love It, Scroll if You Don’t!
Next year marks a decade since I first heard Loin d’ici by Zoë Straub. Ten years of the same song looping in my mind, ten years of clinging to every word, every note, as if it’s the only thing keeping me afloat. I remember May 14, 2016, like it’s a scar, the day my hyperfixation began. Time keeps slipping past me, but the song stays, haunting and comforting at once, as if Zoë herself is quietly following me through the endle…
@tiotasram@kolektiva.socialHow popular media gets love wrong
Okay, so what exactly are the details of the "engineered" model of love from my previous post? I'll try to summarize my thoughts and the experiences they're built on.
1. "Love" can be be thought of like a mechanism that's built by two (or more) people. In this case, no single person can build the thing alone, to work it needs contributions from multiple people (I suppose self-love might be an exception to that). In any case, the builders can intentionally choose how they build (and maintain) the mechanism, they can build it differently to suit their particular needs/wants, and they will need to maintain and repair it over time to keep it running. It may need winding, or fuel, or charging plus oil changes and bolt-tightening, etc.
2. Any two (or more) people can choose to start building love between them at any time. No need to "find your soulmate" or "wait for the right person." Now the caveat is that the mechanism is difficult to build and requires lots of cooperation, so there might indeed be "wrong people" to try to build love with. People in general might experience more failures than successes. The key component is slowly-escalating shared commitment to the project, which is negotiated between the partners so that neither one feels like they've been left to do all the work themselves. Since it's a big scary project though, it's very easy to decide it's too hard and give up, and so the builders need to encourage each other and pace themselves. The project can only succeed if there's mutual commitment, and that will certainly require compromise (sometimes even sacrifice, though not always). If the mechanism works well, the benefits (companionship; encouragement; praise; loving sex; hugs; etc.) will be well worth the compromises you make to build it, but this isn't always the case.
3. The mechanism is prone to falling apart if not maintained. In my view, the "fire" and "appeal" models of love don't adequately convey the need for this maintenance and lead to a lot of under-maintained relationships many of which fall apart. You'll need to do things together that make you happy, do things that make your partner happy (in some cases even if they annoy you, but never in a transactional or box-checking way), spend time with shared attention, spend time alone and/or apart, reassure each other through words (or deeds) of mutual beliefs (especially your continued commitment to the relationship), do things that comfort and/or excite each other physically (anywhere from hugs to hand-holding to sex) and probably other things I'm not thinking of. Not *every* relationship needs *all* of these maintenance techniques, but I think most will need most. Note especially that patriarchy teaches men that they don't need to bother with any of this, which harms primarily their romantic partners but secondarily them as their relationships fail due to their own (cultivated-by-patriarchy) incompetence. If a relationship evolves to a point where one person is doing all the maintenance (& improvement) work, it's been bent into a shape that no longer really qualifies as "love" in my book, and that's super unhealthy.
4. The key things to negotiate when trying to build a new love are first, how to work together in the first place, and how to be comfortable around each others' habits (or how to change those habits). Second, what level of commitment you have right now, and what how/when you want to increase that commitment. Additionally, I think it's worth checking in about what you're each putting into and getting out of the relationship, to ensure that it continues to be positive for all participants. To build a successful relationship, you need to be able to incrementally increase the level of commitment to one that you're both comfortable staying at long-term, while ensuring that for both partners, the relationship is both a net benefit and has manageable costs (those two things are not the same). Obviously it's not easy to actually have conversations about these things (congratulations if you can just talk about this stuff) because there's a huge fear of hearing an answer that you don't want to hear. I think the range of discouraging answers which actually spell doom for a relationship is smaller than people think and there's usually a reasonable "shoulder" you can fall into where things aren't on a good trajectory but could be brought back into one, but even so these conversations are scary. Still, I think only having honest conversations about these things when you're angry at each other is not a good plan. You can also try to communicate some of these things via non-conversational means, if that feels safer, and at least being aware that these are the objectives you're pursuing is probably helpful.
I'll post two more replies here about my own experiences that led me to this mental model and trying to distill this into advice, although it will take me a moment to get to those.
#relationships #love
@nelson@tech.lgbtCalamus 25 The prairie-grass dividing
Whitman's celebration of simple men, of men from "inland America", of those who are unimpressed by Presidents and Governors. It's a romantic sentiment but in 2025 also feels a little naïve or condescending.
But as always I'm here for the gay stuff. Which starts explicitly enough
[I] Demand the most copious and close companionship of men
Well OK then! Me too. Maybe you could read that in a non-sexual way but then Whitman gets lusty
[I demand] Those with a never-quell'd audacity—those with sweet and lusty flesh, clear of taint, choice and chary of its love-power
My goodness, is that hot! At least to start, it's a shame he tames it seeking out men "chary of love-power". At least he recognizes their love power! I'll take the taint, thank you.
@roland@devdilettante.comWave your flags and waive your fate
The freedom you claim is the one you hate
The victory you seek will never come
Brutal views through brutal eyes
See no future, hear no lies
Speak no truth to me or the people I love
When I grow up I want to be
All the things you've never been
And your opinion will count for none <-- #StyleCouncilForevah
@nemorosa@mastodon.nu#WritersCoffeeClub June 4: Do you consider writing work? Would you consider writing your life's work?
Work, as in something that requires effort, that I take seriously - yes.
Money is beside the point.
Writing is what I do, what I love, and what I want. Is that "life's work"? I don't know, that's for someone else to decide once I'm gone.
@philip@mastodon.mallegolhansen.com@… Gotta love the classic misinterpretation of the first amendment as well.
It means I can be a dick to you and you have to take it (No, because you aren’t the government limiting his speech), but it doesn’t mean you are allowed to complain to my employer (Of course you can).
@avalon@jazztodon.comThis one is for all my 'bone-head friends, you know I love you all ☺️ #deviltrombones #hearallproper #youareinvited
21 Trombones featuring Urbie Green - Here's That Rainy Day…
@midtsveen@social.linux.pizza @brian_gettler@mas.to#TuneTuesday this week celebrates #180Degrees, songs that shift radically. I LUV this one.
"What you need to do now is employ the radical dynamic shift.
The, The radical... yes, uh, what, what do you mean by that?
You know. Full band entry, fortissimo, while maintaining consistent appare…
@sonnets@bots.krohsnest.comSonnet 112 - CXII
Your love and pity doth the impression fill,
Which vulgar scandal stamped upon my brow;
For what care I who calls me well or ill,
So you o'er-green my bad, my good allow?
You are my all-the-world, and I must strive
To know my shames and praises from your tongue;
None else to me, nor I to none alive,
That my steeled sense or changes right or wrong.
In so profound abysm I throw all care
Of others' voices, tha…
@azonenberg@ioc.exchangeDon't you love when you're trying to pwn something and stumble across a different bug than the one you were trying to find?
Some years ago I was trying to XSS a webapp and was confronted with a SQL error.
Turns out it *was* XSS-able, but you had to SQL-escape your javascript first.
@iam_jfnklstrm@social.linux.pizzaI work best with music - when reading I can not listen to music where someone sings as it is distracting. So I have found cyberpunk playlists on YT - this one in one of my favorites when I read/write and automate things. https://youtu.be/WjTXny7-Kxc?si=-R0XN-eR74JBIPms
@tiotasram@kolektiva.socialHow popular media gets love wrong
Okay, my attempt at (hopefully widely-applicable) advice about relationships based on my mental "engineering" model and how it differs from the popular "fire" and "appeal" models:
1. If you're looking for a partner, don't focus too much on external qualities, but instead ask: "Do they respect me?" "Are they interested in active consent in all aspects of our relationship?" "Are they willing to commit a little now, and open to respectfully negotiating deeper commitment?" "Are they trustworthy, and willing to trust me?" Finding your partner attractive can come *from* trusting/appreciating/respecting them, rather than vice versa.
2. If you're looking for a partner, don't wait for infatuation to start before you try building a relationship. Don't wait to "fall in love;" if you "fall" into love you could just as easily "fall" out, but if you build up love, it won't be so easy to destroy. If you're feeling lonely and want a relationship, pick someone who seems interesting and receptive in your social circles and ask if they'd like to do something with you (doesn't have to be a date at first). *Pursue active consent* at each stage (if they're not interested; ask someone else, this will be easier if you're not already infatuated). If they're judging you by the standards in point 1, this is doubly important.
3. When building a relationship, try to synchronize your levels of commitment & trust even as you're trying to deepen them, or at least try to be honest and accepting when they need to be out-of-step. Say things and do things that show your partner the things (like trust, commitment, affection, etc.) that are important in your relationship, and ask them to do the same (or ideally you don't have to ask if they're conscious of this too). Do these things not as a chore or a transaction when your partner does them, but because they're the work of building the relationship that you value for its own sake (and because you value your partner for themselves too).
4. When facing big external challenges to your commitment to a relationship, like a move, ensure that your partner has an appropriate level of commitment too, but then don't undervalue the relationship relative to other things in life. Everyone is different, but *to me*, my committed relationship has been far more rewarding than e.g., a more "successful" career would have been. Of course worth noting here that non-men are taught by our society to undervalue their careers & other aspects of their life and sacrifice everything for their partners, which is toxic. I'm not saying "don't value other things" but especially for men, *do* value romantic relationships and be prepared to make decisions that prioritize them over other things, assuming a partner who is comfortable with that commitment and willing to reciprocate.
Okay, this thread is complete for now, until I think of something else that I've missed. I hope this advice is helpful in some way (or at least not harmful). Feel free to chime in if you've got different ideas...
#relationships #love
@kexpmusicbot@mastodonapp.uk🇺🇦 #NowPlaying on KEXP's #VarietyMix
René & Angela:
🎵 I Love You More
#René #Angela
https://oneluvfmproductions.bandcamp.com/track/rene-angela-i-love-you-more
https://open.spotify.com/track/0ccXHJcp98HBgEXVLUP3eH
@MamasPinkyToe@mastodon.world- Girls, I've got some big news. We're moving to Portland.
- Mom, oh my God! We love you so much! We're moving to Portland!
- Maine. We're moving to Portland, Maine.
- JESUS FUCKING CHRIST YOU'RE RUINING OUR LIVES!
@nelson@tech.lgbtCalamus 43 O you whom I often
A short and sweet love poem, Whitman at his most writerly. The spare and simple words have a light musicality that's often missing from his more didactic blank verse.
The literal meaning is Whitman telling someone how his very presence inspires feelings of love. It's so short and precise I'm just going to quote the whole poem.
O you whom I often and silently come where you are, that I may be with you,
As I walk by your side, or sit near, or remain in the same room with you,
Little you know the subtle electric fire that for your sake is playing within me.
I love the lack of action. Whitman simply wants to sit in the same room as his beloved, a quiet devotion I appreciate. And that phrase "subtle electric fire". Electric had a different meaning in pre-Edison America but it works both ways.
Mostly this poem is just a lovely mood.
(The linked video and commentary are more than usually good.)
@midtsveen@social.linux.pizzaInternational Non-Binary People’s Day! 💛🤍💜🖤 This day deserves to be celebrated every single day. I love my fellow non-binary people, you always bring a smile to my face!
#NonBinary #LGBTQIA
@sharan@metalhead.club @jake4480@c.imThis week's #GrindayFriday is this excellent corporate bullshit themed 2022 record 'Wage, Work' from Leipzig, Germany's HAEXLER. Big powerviolence vibes here, too. You know I love short songs- only three of these thirteen tracks are over a minute long. This is a SERIOUS ripper of a record.
@kexpmusicbot@mastodonapp.uk🇺🇦 #NowPlaying on KEXP's #VarietyMix
MonoNeon feat. Christone “Kingfish” Ingram:
🎵 Mama I Really Love You
#MonoNeon #Christone“Kingfish”Ingram
https://dywanethomasjr.bandcamp.com/track/mama-i-really-love-you-feat-christone-kingfish-ingram
@nelson@tech.lgbtCalamus 20 I saw in Louisiana a live-oak growing
What a heartaching poem of loneliness and the need for the love of another! Just wonderful. I understand now why this poem is so popular, particularly as a gay poem. It is full of meaning and is quite clear about it.
I wondered how it could utter joyous leaves, standing alone there, without its friend, its lover near—for I knew I could not
There's a more cerebral interpretation of this work, particularly if you understand "leaves" to mean "pages in my poetry book Leaves of Grass". Whitman talking about his own poetic inspiration from lovers.
Which well enough. But I'm more interested in Whitman's expressed need for "manly love". Which is clearly on his mind constantly:
my own dear friends ... I believe lately I think of little else than of them
Also Whitman's own eroticization of nature and himself. Here speaking of the tree,
its look, rude, unbending, lusty, made me think of myself
@brian_gettler@mas.toFriends make friends laugh, sometimes by sending cultural flotsam (thanks!). I laughed out loud, despite needing to hear an Oasis song like I need a hole in the head.
https://youtu.be/z3_3th1WybM
@midtsveen@social.linux.pizza @MamasPinkyToe@mastodon.world- I love you so dirty, Coach Bill!
- Unh . . . unh . . . unh . . . unh . . .
- I love you so dirty, Bill!
- . . . unh . . . unh . . . . . . UUUUNH!
- Oh Bill oh Bill oh Bill--
- OK get off.
@kexpmusicbot@mastodonapp.uk @tiotasram@kolektiva.socialJust read this post by @… on an optimistic AGI future, and while it had some interesting and worthwhile ideas, it's also in my opinion dangerously misguided, and plays into the current AGI hype in a harmful way.
https://social.coop/@eloquence/114940607434005478
My criticisms include:
- Current LLM technology has many layers, but the biggest most capable models are all tied to corporate datacenters and require inordinate amounts of every and water use to run. Trying to use these tools to bring about a post-scarcity economy will burn up the planet. We urgently need more-capable but also vastly more efficient AI technologies if we want to use AI for a post-scarcity economy, and we are *not* nearly on the verge of this despite what the big companies pushing LLMs want us to think.
- I can see that permacommons.org claims a small level of expenses on AI equates to low climate impact. However, given current deep subsidies on place by the big companies to attract users, that isn't a great assumption. The fact that their FAQ dodges the question about which AI systems they use isn't a great look.
- These systems are not free in the same way that Wikipedia or open-source software is. To run your own model you need a data harvesting & cleaning operation that costs millions of dollars minimum, and then you need millions of dollars worth of storage & compute to train & host the models. Right now, big corporations are trying to compete for market share by heavily subsidizing these things, but it you go along with that, you become dependent on them, and you'll be screwed when they jack up the price to a profitable level later. I'd love to see open dataset initiatives SBD the like, and there are some of these things, but not enough yet, and many of the initiatives focus on one problem while ignoring others (fine for research but not the basis for a society yet).
- Between the environmental impacts, the horrible labor conditions and undercompensation of data workers who filter the big datasets, and the impacts of both AI scrapers and AI commons pollution, the developers of the most popular & effective LLMs have a lot of answer for. This project only really mentions environmental impacts, which makes me think that they're not serious about ethics, which in turn makes me distrustful of the whole enterprise.
- Their language also ends up encouraging AI use broadly while totally ignoring several entire classes of harm, so they're effectively contributing to AI hype, especially with such casual talk of AGI and robotics as if embodied AGI were just around the corner. To be clear about this point: we are several breakthroughs away from AGI under the most optimistic assumptions, and giving the impression that those will happen soon plays directly into the hands of the Sam Altmans of the world who are trying to make money off the impression of impending huge advances in AI capabilities. Adding to the AI hype is irresponsible.
- I've got a more philosophical criticism that I'll post about separately.
I do think that the idea of using AI & other software tools, possibly along with robotics and funded by many local cooperatives, in order to make businesses obsolete before they can do the same to all workers, is a good one. Get your local library to buy a knitting machine alongside their 3D printer.
Lately I've felt too busy criticizing AI to really sit down and think about what I do want the future to look like, even though I'm a big proponent of positive visions for the future as a force multiplier for criticism, and this article is inspiring to me in that regard, even if the specific project doesn't seem like a good one.
@midtsveen@social.linux.pizza00:45—Good night #Fediverse! 😴💤
Zen Browser, I still have a love-hate relationship with you! 😊😡
#ZenBrowser #GoodNight
@nelson@tech.lgbtCalamus 45 Full of life, sweet-blooded, compact, visible
A remarkably effective poem for the end of the cluster. Whitman talking directly to us, the reader, about the import of his poems. And with some ambition: "To one a century hence, or any number of centuries hence".
But even better, he's horny for us:
Now it is you ... seeking me,
Fancying how happy you were, if I could be with you, and become your lover
The poet is imagining us, his future readers, thinking about how we will want to be his lover. What a lusty man! Whitman is not modest.
I love it. And it's a fitting end to this series. I've greatly enjoyed reading them. Over the past 45 days I've learned better how to read Whitman, to understand his poems. And to relate to them in at least one simple way, teasing out the gayest and sexiest parts of these poems. Making them fun for myself.
I'm not quite done yet. I hope to identify my favorites of the group. I may also try my hand at reading one or two aloud.
@tiotasram@kolektiva.socialIn Ursula K. Le Guin's "A Man of the People" (part of "Four Ways to Forgiveness") there's a scene where the Hainish protagonist begins studying history. It's excellent in many respects, but what stood out the most to me was the softly incomprehensible idea of a people with multiple millions of years of recorded history. As one's mind starts to try to trace out the implications of that, it dawns on you that you can't actually comprehend the concept. Like, you read the sentence & understood all the words, and at first you were able to assemble them into what seemed like a conceptual understanding, but as you started to try to fill out that understating, it began to slip away, until you realized you didn't in fact have the mental capacity to build a full understanding and would have you paper things over with a shallow placeholder instead.
I absolutely love that feeling, as one of the ways in which reading science fiction can stretch the brain, and I connected it to a similar moment in Tsutomu Nihei's BLAME, where the android protagonists need to ride an elevator through the civilization/galaxy-spanning megastructure, and turn themselves off for *millions of years* to wait out the ride.
I'm not sure why exactly these scenes feel more beautifully incomprehensible than your run-of-the-mill "then they traveled at lightspeed for a millennia, leaving all their family behind" scene, other than perhaps the authors approach them without trying to use much metaphor to make them more comprehensible (or they use metaphor to emphasize their incomprehensibility).
Do you have a favorite mind=expanded scene of this nature?
#AmReading
@kexpmusicbot@mastodonapp.uk🇺🇦 #NowPlaying on KEXP's #VarietyMix
Aretha Franklin:
🎵 Baby I Love You
#ArethaFranklin
https://theflyingrobindj.bandcamp.com/track/aretha-franklin-baby-i-love-you-t-f-r-edit
https://open.spotify.com/track/3Ec3KS7Pjli1SqtBJgPxeN
@nelson@tech.lgbtCalamus 19 Mind you the timid models of the rest, the majority?
A declaration of intellectual independence and a celebration of brotherly love. Honestly this poem feels a little clumsy to me, I can see why Whitman struck the awkward introducing lines in later editions.
As always, looking for the gay content:
Yet comes one, a Manhattanese, and ever at parting, kisses me lightly on the lips with robust love.
And I, in the public room, or on the crossing of the street, or on the ship's deck, kiss him in return
We observe that salute of American comrades
But I can't in all honestly read this use of "kissing" as erotic. Here the public kissing and the "salute of comrades" makes me think it's more of a fraternal kiss.
Which doesn't exclude a romantic kiss as well, or an erotic one. What's so vital about Calamus is how Whitman blends masculine sexual love with the love of comrades. I think both meanings are latent in every poem.
@kexpmusicbot@mastodonapp.uk🇺🇦 #NowPlaying on KEXP's #VarietyMix
Jorja Smith:
🎵 The Way I Love You
#JorjaSmith
https://thedjedits.bandcamp.com/track/stormzy-x-jorja-smith-shut-up-the-way-i-love-you-mashup-clean
https://open.spotify.com/track/6u1xR1LKAiahXPrwjNCkky
